You may notice that I post a lot of lists on this blog. I do that because lists are easy to read and easy to skim. They’re idea for the blog format.
One other interesting quality about lists is that you know what you’re getting into when you read a subject line. Maybe you read the first item or two and then decide if it’s a list worth reading in full.
I figure that there’s an ideal list length for everything, and I intend to find out what works best. To contribute to this, please vote below, pretending that you just stumbled upon a blog with X number of pieces of advice on a certain topic. When it comes to advice, do you want a short list that boils the advice down to a few key points–3 or 5 items–or a longer, more comprehensive list–7 or 10 items? I’m not including all numbers because I don’t think our brains are made to make choices between that many items.
Thanks, and I’ll post similar polls on different topics in upcoming weeks (i.e., maybe you prefer short lists of advice but long lists of humor or recommendations, and so on). If you have any topics that would apply to this experiment, let me know.
Have you ever been at a birthday party at work and one person makes a fuss about not eating the cake?
I’ve seen this several times in my illustrious career. Someone goes out of their way to make or buy a cake for a birthday, everyone’s really happy about it, and yet one person “isn’t in the mood for sweets” or “only eats healthy foods” or “doesn’t have time.”
Here’s a tip: If someone offers you cake, always accept the cake.
You can ask for a small piece, or even just a sample, but accept the cake.
What you think you’re doing by rejecting the cake is making a healthy choice or setting a healthy example for everyone else. But what you’re really doing through your holier-than-thou attitude is rejecting not only the person who made the cake, but also the birthday boy or girl, as well as everyone else who chose to accept the cake and don’t want to feel bad about that choice. Because it’s cake.
A little cake now and then doesn’t hurt anyone. In fact, if everyone accepts the cake, it has the power of unifying everyone in the office.
I’ve decided to take a break from recommending other blogs for now (on a weekly basis, at least). Helpful hint to other bloggers out there: Take the time to recommend blogs you like from time to time. It helps turn this distant, virtual world into something much more like a real community.
Instead, I’d like to start a weekly series as a subcategory to the Guy Talk section of this blog called The Psychology of Sex. This isn’t about how to get mentally prepared in bed. This is about applying behavioral psychology and economics to meeting and attracting people who you want to meet and attract.
I’ve actually already talked this several times:
#2: How to Accept a Compliment
#3: How to Tell Someone Your Phone Number
#4: How to Express–or Gauge–Interest After the First Date
#5: How to Make Someone Like You More
Today I’d like to talk about how to get someone to agree with you.
I’m reading Malcolm Gladwell’s fascinating book The Tipping Point. A couple days ago I read about a study that Gladwell discusses in detail regarding an experiment involving a group of people who were told that they test subjects for a telemarketing strategy.
The subjects were seated in little cubicles so they couldn’t see each other. In the cubicles, individuals found one of three instructions:
- just listen
- listen and nod your head up and down
- listen and shake your head side to side
The pitch they listened to on their headphones was a person proposing that college tuitions should be raised. After listening, the subjects were asked if they had been convinced by the telemarketer’s proposal–they wrote down the number that they thought tuitions should be.
Perhaps you’ve guessed the results. The people who were told to nod while listening–basically forcing their body to do something that’s usually synonymous with agreement regardless of whether or not they actually agreed to what they were listening to–agreed that tuitions should be raised. The people who were told to shake their heads disagreed with the tuition hike and wanted lower tuitions, and the neutral group was okay with things staying the same.
These findings, although obvious as you read this, are pretty remarkable. They mean that our body’s subconscious actions impact the way we think. Our bodies tell our minds what to think.
How can you use this information? If you want someone to agree with you, get them to nod without realizing. The easiest way to do this is nod yourself. Just like yawning, nodding is contagious–if you start nodding while you talk, odds are the listener will too. Or, as crazy as this sounds, stand in front of something moving up and down. Like a plate-glass elevator. Better yet, bar owners, install neon lights on the walls that light upwards one by one and then downwards one by one. Put everyone in the bar in an agreeable mood.
Let me know if you get agreeable results by using this tactic.
This entry is the first in what I hope to be a regular series that delves deeper into myself. I’m going to be publicly introspective to see if that helps me improve the man I am and the man I hope to be.
I really don’t like going out of my way for people.
Friends, family, strangers. Doesn’t matter. I see my life as a series of lines between point A (where I am) and point B (where I’m going). If you’re physically located somewhere between those two places, I’ll stop by. Otherwise, no way.
I’ll give you an example. A friend was recently hospitalized. I prayed for him to get better quickly so I wouldn’t have to take the time out of my normal routine to go visit him.
I’ll give you another example. A few months ago, I had a late meeting at work. After the meeting, an older community member who I really like invited me to join her and her husband for dinner at a nearby restaurant. I declined because the invitation got in the way of how I had expected my evening to unfold. It’s not that things have to align perfectly for me, it’s just that I leave no room for the unexpected when I set my mind on what point B is.
I’ll give you yet another example. A year ago, I decided that it might be a good idea to meet my biological mother before I no longer had that opportunity (should she pass away). At the time, I driving fairly regularly between St. Louis and Charleston, WV, a route that took me within an hour of bio mom’s home. However, that’s still an extra hour, so it didn’t happen. Now that my long-distance relationship is over, it hasn’t even crossed my mind to make that drive out to meet bio mom. It doesn’t even seem like an option because it’s not on the way to something else.
The flip side of all this is that I understand what my love language is. I like people to go out of their way for me or do something for me so I don’t have to go out of my way. Don’t buy me a gift; instead, run an errand for me. That works for me.
Where does this leave me? Probably completely incapable of having a successful romantic relationship until I figure out a way to make sense of it. Sure, I have things to do at points A and B. They’re either work, errands, different types of work (writing, TypeTribe, more writing), or specific events with friends. But I still need to learn to make room for the unexpected, for time (often in the car) where I’m not doing anything, for people who I compartmentalize into my life where it’s convenient.
I’ll get there. But for now, I’m at A, on my way to B, and nothing will interrupt that straight line.
