The Urine-Mobile

I’ve done it. I’ve invented a fuel-less, emissions free car that will run for thousands of miles without needing to stop. Not even for a bathroom break.

Okay, to clarify: I haven’t invented this car. But I thought of it, and I’m going to devote the rest of this evening to figuring out the complex mechanics behind it. It’ll be road-ready by 2091.

I thought of this idea while on a road trip to obtain grampahol earlier this summer. After stopping to go to the bathroom for the third time on a four-hour trip, I realized that my bladder was really cutting into my driving efficiency. I wasn’t making good time. To solve that problem, I could hook up a catheter to a bag and urinate at will in the car, never needing to stop.

But wait. I would still have to stop to get gas, and now I’d step out of the car with a pee-bag sloshing against my calves. I’d dispose of the urine, of course, but it seems like a waste. That’s good urine going down the drain.

Suddenly it clicked in my head. Why use gas when I could use urine to run my car? Of course, my current engine runs on gas, but what if I had an engine that could run on urine? The catheter would hook up directly to the urine-tank so that I could pee while driving and fuel the car. I’d never need to stop—I’d make great time on long trips.

Obviously, the one and only catch is that you have to invent an engine that runs on urine. It would probably involve some sort of fuel-cell hydrogen converter, meaning that your urethra would essentially be hooked up to an atomic bomb under your hood. I’d put in a safety valve or two to keep things balanced.

The name of the car? The Urine-Mobile. That’s the best name according to the focus group I spoke with (my cats). Ideas that were shot down: The Pee-Prius, the Septic Car, the Yellow Cab, the Bladder Blazer, and the Chevy Malipoo.

The Urine-Mobile. Road-ready by 2091. Be there.