How to Get People to Not Come to Your Party

The other day, a friend of mine brought up the bottomless party scene in Harold and Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay. Basically, they unwittingly stumble upon a party of people (guys and girls) who are wearing bathing suit tops and shirts, but no bottoms. A bottomless party.

There were a couple guys around when this was mentioned, so of course we started to seriously discuss the potential of a bottomless (or similar) party. What guy-to-girl ratio would make the party “worth it?” We settled on 1:1, but the higher, the better.

However, no matter the ratio, I seriously don’t think a bottomless party would be any fun. It would really just be awkward. And no one looks good when they’re just wearing a shirt and socks.

So we revised the idea to a more conservative topless party. Not a sacrifice for guys at all, as they’re used to going topless at the beach and during sports. For girls, it would be a bit scandalous, but given the precise amount of alcohol, it could happen.

Or could it? (See the polls on the right.) I still doubt it. So my actual suggestion is for an underwear-only party. Or, even easier, a bathing-suit-only party. In the dead of winter. You expect there to be pool parties in the summer, but a similar party in the winter? I think that would be a lot of fun. Maybe I’ll host one a few months after Festivus.

Why would any of these parties be appealing, you ask? I honestly think people would be more respectful than any normal party. A single guy at a normal party approaches woman with the goal—or at least the hope—that she’ll end the night in her underwear with him. If she’s already in her underwear, he doesn’t have to focus on that goal anymore. It’s already accomplished. So he can just chat and have a good time.

What’s in it for the women? Let’s not kid ourselves—women dress up for other women. Instead of having to wait until the summer to show off the new bathing suit you bought at 80% in early December, you can flaunt it in mid-January. Plus, all of your essentials are covered. The guys, on the other hand, are half naked. Not a bad deal.

Respond to the polls. Let’s see what the people think.