How to Use My Bathroom

I have a fairly small office with the added bonus of an attached bathroom. It’s straight ahead as you walk into the office–toilet, sink, trashcan, cabinet with odd reading materials on top. The bare essentials. (I want it put on the record that I never read anything while on the toilet, particularly a toilet used by a variety of hosts. Who thought of such a concept? Here, after you shake out the last few squirts but before you wipe your butt, why don’t you leaf through this magazine published 12 years ago?)

For those counting, here are three simple steps to using my bathroom:
  1. Close the door.
  2. Use the bathroom.
  3. Close the door.
So really, just two steps, one repeated twice. Not that hard, right?
If I were to walk up to you on the street and say, “85% of the people who use my bathroom don’t close the door after they use it, even if I’m in my office,” you’d think I was a crazy person, right? You’d say, “Shoo! Go away, crazy bathroom man. Get that toilet paper out of my face.”
But I’m not crazy. Most people who walk out of my bathroom don’t close the door, despite the fact that I put a sign on the inside of the door reading “Please close the door after use”! 
It’s really not too much to ask. When the bathroom door is closed, I work in an office. When it’s open, I essentially work in a bathroom. Desk, computer, toilet. It’s disgusting.
So please, if you use my bathroom at work, close the door. I don’t want to work in a bathroom.