Yep, It's a Dude
A few weeks ago I discussed what to do
if you go to give someone a high five but encounter a fist pound offer instead. Today I offer an even greater threat to mankind:
When the sleek, svelte legs you’re admiring–legs so feminine that you just assume they belong to a woman–turn out to be those of a guy.
This has happened to the best of us. You’re driving past a public park, spot the glistening, tan legs of a healthy American woman, and then you look up to see that they’re attached to a sweaty guy in a No Fear t-shirt. Or perhaps you’re on a college campus, and you’re momentarily distracted by a pair of shapely legs barely squeezed into stonewashed jeans. Again, your eyes wander upwards to see if North Dakota is just as good as South Dakota (it’s not), and sure enough, it’s a dude.
As long as there are men out there who choose to wear short running shorts and skin-tight jeans, male legs are going to be mistaken for female legs. It’s a fact of life. You can’t prepare for it, you can’t prevent it. It’s simply going to happen.
So what do you do when it happens? I offer three simple steps to recovering from an AMLA (Accidental Male Leg Admiration):
- Admit Your Mistake. The worst thing that you could do in this situation is pretend that nothing happened. Yeah, you looked at a guy’s legs. Yeah, you kind of liked it. He had nice legs. Don’t try to pretend they were a girl’s legs, because from then on, you’re going to associate dudes with nice female legs. That’s called a negative association, and you don’t want that.
- Move On. Don’t look back to see if the guy changed into a girl after you looked away the first time. He didn’t. He’s still a dude, and now you’ve looked at his legs in full knowledge that he’s a dude. Avoid that mistake and just move on.
- Find a Real Female in the Vicinity with Nice Legs. This is a crucial piece of the puzzle. The only way to get over an AMLA is to replace the image of female legs on a dude with female legs on an actual female. Locate her and look at her legs. Don’t stare. That’s impolite. But look, and then move on. You’ve been healed.
This rules don’t just apply to guys looking at guy’s legs. There’s also AMBA (Accidental Male Butt Admiration), AFSA (Accidental Female Shoulder Admiration) for women mistakenly looking at the broad, muscular shoulders of another woman, and AMHA (Accidental Male Hair Admiration) for men admiring the silky, flowing locks of the guy in front of them at Chipotle. Any that I’m missing?
(Oh, and in case you’re wondering, the photo is of a female’s legs. Not all that nice, but I wanted a pair that would make you think twice.)