A Love Letter to My Greatest Love, My GPS Navigator
Dear Maggie (that’s short for Magellan),
Today my love for thee blossomed as you accompanied me on the long road back to St. Louis. ‘Tis a long road to travel alone, but you were the perfect companion. You sat quietly on the dash the entire ride, allowing me to listen to my book on tape. Every once in a while you’d address me in that electronic voice that would make an angel’s bosom swell: “Continue on current road in 2 miles.”
Without you, I would have been hopelessly lost on the straight shot on west 64 between Charleston, WV, and St. Louis. I’m poor with directions, dear Maggie, and frequently get harried and lost on the most common routes. Nary did you let me stray from the path, except for that one time after my bathroom break in Lexington when you told me to take the next exit. But even when I ignored you, sweet Maggie, you forgave me. Not one harsh word did you speaketh.
You made me feel so good, setting a low expectation for estimated arrival time and then shaving precious minutes off the estimate as I cruised across miles of good weather and clear roads. You boost my confidence with every minute gained, however it be a minute I lose with you at the end of the trip.
The government-mandated warning on your loading screen told me not to touch you while driving, but this forbidden fruit only made it harder to keepeth my hands off of you during the drive. You’ll mount the dashboard but not me? Why such prudishness in the eye of such love?
I would input the route to heaven into your A/C adapter,
But I, a navigationally challenged driver, have only my destinations.
I have inputted my destinations into your system in advance,
Steer me softly, for I have no idea how to get to any of them.