Newsflash: Jamey Stegmaier Announces He'll Never Run for Public Office

ST. LOUIS, Missouri (AP) — In a sparsely attended press conference Monday, Jamey Stegmaier (cat, Camry, and home owner) announced that he will not be running for public office. Ever.

“Never say ‘ever’,” Stegmaier read from his statement.
The move contradicts earlier speculation that he might someday consider running for public office, or at least that he hadn’t ruled out the possibility.
Reporters peppered Stegmaier with steak seasoning and questions about the chance he might reconsider.
“I’m not pulling a Jordan. I’m not pulling a Favre. When I say with 100% certainty that I will not be running for public office, I mean it,” said Stegmaier.
When asked why he was eliminating the possibility, Stegmaier replied, “Have you seen the photos of me on my blog? Iron Man? Batman? 3D Stegmaier? Farmboy Stegmaier? I wouldn’t survive a minute in politics.”
Stegmaier ended the conference by putting on his Iron Man costume, making whooshing sounds, and “flying” out of the press room.
Copyright 2009 The Ass Press