Pet Peeve #24: The Pronunciation of "Thames"

I’m not one to pronounce words correctly. The classic example of this is “vehemently,” which I pronounced–with full vigor–”vah-hem-en-ent-ly” (yes, I added several new letters to the word).

So River Thames, help a brother out. Is it really necessary that you’re pronounced “Tims”?

One, it’s clearly “Thames,” as in “James” with a lisp. Two, it could be pronounced “tames,” which would make sense in some circles. Three, call it what it is and rename it “Tims.”

I think the root of all this agony is that early on in my life, I was asked to find the River Thames on a map (this was probably part of my mission to find, capture, and strip search Carmen Sandiego). Of course, these instructions were spoken to me, and there is no River Tims in England. So Carmen got away, and I resorted to shooting deer with the slowest bullets ever in Oregon Trail. Man’s gotta feed his family somehow.

Is there any word that you’d change the spelling of if you were in charge of the dictionary?