The One Smelly Guy on the Field

I love pickup sports. My annual trifecta includes soccer in the summer, football in the fall, and kickball in the spring. It’s a great combination to keep me virile and lively.

After years of playing these sports, I’ve realized that there’s a phenomenon that branches across all outdoor team or group activities: There’s always one smelly guy on the field. Sometimes more than one, but usually just one lone guy who reeks of body odor and mildew. One truly pungent guy.

Obviously, the one smelly guy has no idea that he’s the smelly guy. Thus I’ve created a short checklist to help you figure out if you’re the one smelly guy on the field. (Note: Women always smell like daisies and happiness, so these don’t apply to you.)

You Know That You’re the One Smelly Guy on the Field If…

  1. No one gets within a 10-foot radius of you even though you have the ball.
  2. You’re wearing the same outfit you wore to last week’s game…and it’s been in your bag ever since then.
  3. You haven’t showered in 2 days.
  4. You notice people calculating the direction of the wind and then staying upwind of you.
  5. The other players vote to change the format from two-hand touch to two-squirt Febreeze.
  6. The first baseman gravitates to the outfield after fielding your single.
  7. You notice that somebody stinks, but you’re the first one there.

Am I missing anything? Are you the smelly guy on the field?