Is It Easier to Choose a Hummus than a Woman?
A few days ago I was at the grocery store. Two of the items I was in the market for were spaghetti sauce and hummus.
In the sauce aisle, I found myself looking at a sheer wall of sauces as far as the eye could see. There were dozens of varieties and brands and shapes and sizes. I was completely overwhelmed. Eventually I made a choice, but I wasn’t satisfied, knowing that there was probably a better choice I could have made.
Then I went over to look at the hummus. I found a single brand in three varieties. I was completely underwhelmed. I wanted some other brands for comparison. More precisely, I wanted a cheap brand (to avoid), a really expensive brand (to avoid), and a middle-of-the-road brand (to buy to feel elite and frugal at the same time). Again, I wasn’t satisfied.
I began writing this post thinking I was going to write about the paradox of too much choice, as Barry Schwartz discusses in his TED talk (watch it–it’ll be the most informative 20 minutes you spend today). But thinking about my experience at the grocery store, I wonder:
How much choice is exactly the right amount?
The premise that Schwartz discusses (he also uses a grocery store example) is that we simply have too much choice, and as a result, happiness is close to impossible. His conclusion is that the key to happiness is low expectations. If you have low expectations, he says, regardless of the number of choices you have, you’ll be pretty happy with the choice you make.
I can see that, but like I said, there could have been a “correct” number of hummus choices at the grocery store. Three different brands, three similar choices within each brand. Nine. Nine choices. It’s not overwhelming, and it’s not underwhelming. It’s perfect.
Nine choices. It’s not overwhelming, and it’s not underwhelming. It’s perfect.
Let’s apply this to women, because women are more interesting than hummus. There’s no magical number of women that you need to experience or survey or date to figure out who’s right for you. Some people marry their first sweetheart and never look back. Others date around for year before finding that special someone, or no one at all.
I don’t think the key to happiness in choosing a mate is low expectations. It’s also not a matter of comparing a certain number of women before making a choice. I think it’s simply the willingness to recognize happiness when it slaps you in the face.
If only choosing a spaghetti sauce were that easy.
The comment, “Women are more interesting than hummus” does not apply to one Mr. Alan Palmer.
Good points about choice! I appreciate that you always remind me of those TED talks as well, which are great!
I would like to try out a slightly different take on your analogy from the female perspective, using shoes and men.
Some shoes fit perfectly the first time around. They look attractive on the shelf and you are not disappointed when you slip them on. They make your legs look a longer and thinner, they’re comfortable and you can imagine wearing them with the majority of the items currently in your closet. The only thing that can make this experience better is flipping over the price tag and discovering that the number staring back at you is reasonable. Not the most expensive in the store, but not so cheap that you’ll be unable to wear them by years’ end. Maybe you’ll try on other pairs, but you just know. You just know this is the perfect pair; they’re exactly what you’ve been looking for. It’s not the first pair of shoes you’ve owned, so you know what you’re looking for. (The analogy breaks down a little bit when I admit that they’re not the last pair of shoes you’ll ever wear—and you want to keep the man!)
This is like the equivalent of a really great guy. He looks good from far away. He still looks good up close. He’s comfortable, but still exciting, and you can imagine him fitting in to all of the facets of your life that already exist.
Then there’s all the other shoes—they’ll work for someone else. Someone else will buy them. But those shoes aren’t the perfect shoes for you.
In this case, I don’t think it’s necessarily about having lots of choices. And I don’t think that I need tangible evidence that there are better guys (Shoes! Hummus!) and guys that aren’t as great. All I need to know is that the pair I’m wearing is the perfect pair for me. That’s why my favorite line of your post is: “I think it’s simply the willingness to recognize happiness when it slaps you in the face.”
(You totally should’ve told me you were going to write this post so I could’ve done a companion piece! I could clearly write about shoes and men all day! Haha.
)
Penelope–You just wrote a full blog post on my blog!
I really like the comparison here. The analogy works well. However, I shop for shoes on Zappos (and not very often at all). So instead of trying on a few different pairs of shoes, I look at dozens of shoes online, compare reviews and specs and prices, and eventually I return the shoes if they don’t fit like I want them to fit. Zappos provides free shipping both ways, so there’s no loss if a shoe isn’t as good as it looked on paper. It’s not that easy in real life–you can’t return a woman to the woman store without repercussions.
I’m cracking up over here. Just so you know. That is all.
Honestly, I was distracted when you said that you were buying spaghetti sauce at the store. You should make your own. It’s really easy (tomato sauce, diced tomato, garlic, onion, seasoning) and so delicious.
But anyway… I think it’s interesting that you concluded a post about making choices with comments about choosing a mate. I’ve felt that many of my experiences or choices I’ve made with guys I’ve dated have not been conscious-level or deliberate decisions. With my best relationships, I’d say things just “fell into place”- no hard choices really had to be made! I do think it’s very true what you said about being willing to recognize happiness- it’s not possible to be with anyone unless you’re ready to accept him/her into your life.
I’m going to clarify on a post today–I was actually buying alfredo sauce. I make my own spaghetti sauce.
Interesting point about things just falling into place. I’ve definitely experienced that as well. But the trouble is, in hindsight, I shouldn’t have let things fall into place. I sensed that things were missing and yet the relationship was falling into place anyway, so I let it happen. That’s why I’ve become more discerning about it. I think the real check for me is if I’m ready to accept someone new into my life.