Comments on: The Chase Theory http://jameystegmaier.com/2010/02/the-chase-principle/ Tue, 22 May 2012 17:34:47 +0000 hourly 1 By: Jamey Stegmaier http://jameystegmaier.com/2010/02/the-chase-principle/#comment-29996 Jamey Stegmaier Sat, 11 Feb 2012 04:31:31 +0000 http://jameystegmaier.com/?p=2011#comment-29996 Chelly--Since posting this, I have found two exceptions: One, long-distance friends, especially if one or both people are in committed relationships. Two, and rather more remarkably, women I date with whom I don't end up feeling a physical spark. It's amazing what can happen when you kiss someone and realize that you truly don't enjoy kissing them, especially if you otherwise enjoy hanging out with them. Chelly–Since posting this, I have found two exceptions: One, long-distance friends, especially if one or both people are in committed relationships. Two, and rather more remarkably, women I date with whom I don’t end up feeling a physical spark. It’s amazing what can happen when you kiss someone and realize that you truly don’t enjoy kissing them, especially if you otherwise enjoy hanging out with them.

]]> By: Chelly http://jameystegmaier.com/2010/02/the-chase-principle/#comment-29992 Chelly Sat, 11 Feb 2012 03:05:17 +0000 http://jameystegmaier.com/?p=2011#comment-29992 This post makes me sad...mainly because it's true. After reading through your blog the last few days, I've learned that we share a lot of the same interests, but now it's clear to me that you and I could never be friends! This post makes me sad…mainly because it’s true.
After reading through your blog the last few days, I’ve learned that we share a lot of the same interests, but now it’s clear to me that you and I could never be friends!

]]> By: Chelly http://jameystegmaier.com/2010/02/the-chase-principle/#comment-29991 Chelly Sat, 11 Feb 2012 02:56:33 +0000 http://jameystegmaier.com/?p=2011#comment-29991 I have quite a few male friends. For whatever reason I get along better with men than women. A handful of my cl I have quite a few male friends. For whatever reason I get along better with men than women. A handful of my cl

]]> By: Is It Okay to Ask for Her Total? – jameystegmaier.com http://jameystegmaier.com/2010/02/the-chase-principle/#comment-2751 Is It Okay to Ask for Her Total? – jameystegmaier.com Tue, 16 Mar 2010 02:33:43 +0000 http://jameystegmaier.com/?p=2011#comment-2751 [...] it? Also, if you end up writing a blog entry about this (which happened several times following the “Can Guys and Girls Be Friends” entry), let me know and I’ll link to it [...] [...] it? Also, if you end up writing a blog entry about this (which happened several times following the “Can Guys and Girls Be Friends” entry), let me know and I’ll link to it [...]

]]> By: Jay http://jameystegmaier.com/2010/02/the-chase-principle/#comment-2639 Jay Wed, 03 Mar 2010 02:22:31 +0000 http://jameystegmaier.com/?p=2011#comment-2639 Better late than never. Some of my best friends over the years have been women, and still are. This is especially true of those I meet at work. Maybe the workplace taboo against romantic involvement helps, maybe I'm not attractive and that doesn't matter to women who see me as a good listener and understanding and caring friend, maybe they just feel sorry for me for some reason and humor me. Whatever. These friends seem to be strong, competent, and widely respected by their peers, and I like surrounding myself with people whose competence I respect, regardless of gender. A characteristic I share with most of these friends is involvement in, and commitment to, a long term, stable, valued marital relationship. Better late than never. Some of my best friends over the years have been women, and still are. This is especially true of those I meet at work. Maybe the workplace taboo against romantic involvement helps, maybe I’m not attractive and that doesn’t matter to women who see me as a good listener and understanding and caring friend, maybe they just feel sorry for me for some reason and humor me. Whatever. These friends seem to be strong, competent, and widely respected by their peers, and I like surrounding myself with people whose competence I respect, regardless of gender. A characteristic I share with most of these friends is involvement in, and commitment to, a long term, stable, valued marital relationship.

]]> By: Sarah http://jameystegmaier.com/2010/02/the-chase-principle/#comment-2631 Sarah Tue, 02 Mar 2010 16:21:04 +0000 http://jameystegmaier.com/?p=2011#comment-2631 Sorry, I keep spelling your name wrong! Jamey... not Jamie. Duh! :) Sorry, I keep spelling your name wrong! Jamey… not Jamie. Duh! :)

]]> By: Sarah http://jameystegmaier.com/2010/02/the-chase-principle/#comment-2630 Sarah Tue, 02 Mar 2010 16:18:33 +0000 http://jameystegmaier.com/?p=2011#comment-2630 Haha, Jamie, I cannot speak for my friend but I honestly think he doesn't want to kiss me (ack!! :)). We once had a conversation about how he tends to see women as sisters pretty much all the time. He said he could live with an entire community of nuns and never think twice about it. In his case, it seems he is in love with his wife and only her. The only reason he didn't go through with the priesthood is because she showed up. In other words, in spite of having plenty of female friends, no other girl inspired him to leave his thoughts of the priesthood except her. I do agree that being "like" siblings and siblings is different but it's also the premise of most religious communities (I should clarify here that my friend not only wanted to be a priest, but a monk... so he would have been living with "brothers" for the rest of his life. So he was also already "trained" in this kind of thinking). I once read a fascinating article on how American culture has lost the art of platonic love... we seem inept at forming these sibling-like relationships among friends whereas other cultures and other time periods it seemed more common. I think I "get" more of what that author was saying after having formed this friendship. It's possible my buddy is just uniquely gifted/practiced at that way of relating! I do agree though that there are many many (if not most) opposite sex friendships that are just unrealistic. Haha, Jamie, I cannot speak for my friend but I honestly think he doesn’t want to kiss me (ack!! :) ). We once had a conversation about how he tends to see women as sisters pretty much all the time. He said he could live with an entire community of nuns and never think twice about it. In his case, it seems he is in love with his wife and only her. The only reason he didn’t go through with the priesthood is because she showed up. In other words, in spite of having plenty of female friends, no other girl inspired him to leave his thoughts of the priesthood except her.

I do agree that being “like” siblings and siblings is different but it’s also the premise of most religious communities (I should clarify here that my friend not only wanted to be a priest, but a monk… so he would have been living with “brothers” for the rest of his life. So he was also already “trained” in this kind of thinking). I once read a fascinating article on how American culture has lost the art of platonic love… we seem inept at forming these sibling-like relationships among friends whereas other cultures and other time periods it seemed more common. I think I “get” more of what that author was saying after having formed this friendship. It’s possible my buddy is just uniquely gifted/practiced at that way of relating!

I do agree though that there are many many (if not most) opposite sex friendships that are just unrealistic.

]]> By: Jamey Stegmaier http://jameystegmaier.com/2010/02/the-chase-principle/#comment-2552 Jamey Stegmaier Wed, 24 Feb 2010 17:21:50 +0000 http://jameystegmaier.com/?p=2011#comment-2552 I didn't know that :) I didn’t know that :)

]]> By: Lori http://jameystegmaier.com/2010/02/the-chase-principle/#comment-2551 Lori Wed, 24 Feb 2010 17:16:21 +0000 http://jameystegmaier.com/?p=2011#comment-2551 You're aware that Oscar Wilde was gay, yes? You’re aware that Oscar Wilde was gay, yes?

]]> By: Jamey Stegmaier http://jameystegmaier.com/2010/02/the-chase-principle/#comment-2541 Jamey Stegmaier Mon, 22 Feb 2010 03:55:18 +0000 http://jameystegmaier.com/?p=2011#comment-2541 Penelope asks good questions :) See, I've never understood the "friendship is too important to put at risk" thing. I'd rather find the love of my life than just force things to stay at a certain level. No? But I'm glad things worked out. It sounds like you grew in ways that you couldn't have without those other experiences, and now you ended up with the original guy. Best of luck as things progress! Penelope asks good questions :)

See, I’ve never understood the “friendship is too important to put at risk” thing. I’d rather find the love of my life than just force things to stay at a certain level. No?

But I’m glad things worked out. It sounds like you grew in ways that you couldn’t have without those other experiences, and now you ended up with the original guy. Best of luck as things progress!

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