Pet Please #54: Heavy Light Lifting

The full Pet Please #54 is: When you help someone lift something heavy, and you get the light end, but they don’t know it.

This is the best for several reasons:

  1. You get to look really tough and strong even though you only have glamour muscles, and tiny ones at that.
  2. You don’t have to exert much energy on your superficial glamour muscles.
  3. If you see the other person struggling, you can adjust your hold so that you’re helping them out a little more. Thus from their perspective you’ll go from lifting 50% of the weight to about 70%, but really you’re going from about 10% to 20%.

Another related strategy I’d suggest using is when you’re at a big family gathering and it’s time to clean the kitchen, excuse yourself to go to the bathroom for a while. Take your time. Check your e-mail on your iPhone 3Gs.

Then when you finally come out of the bathroom, be super helpful for the remaining 2-3 minutes needed to finish cleaning. Everyone will remember you being there the whole time, and you will be a family hero, showered with praise and hot cousins. (What?)

Does this make me lazy, strategic, brilliant, or despicable? I hope my mom doesn’t read this one. Or anyone who’s ever helped me move.