Archive for August, 2011

Contrivance #3: Stop the Wedding!

Contrivance #3: Stop the Wedding!

If I had a nickle for every time I waited until the last minute to tell a woman I love her while she stood in front of hundreds of people at her wedding… This happens in movies all the time. The most recent example I can think of (although I’m sure there are others) is […]


Pet Peeve #37: Sucralose

Pet Peeve #37: Sucralose

The other day a friend told me about a new line of drinks they had discovered. It’s this brand called Neuro, and each of the 8 different varieties contain a different mix of ingredients that have very different effects. For example, my friend had recently tried the NeuroSleep drink, and she said she passed out […]


How Do You Discover New Music?

How Do You Discover New Music?

How do you discover new music? I love that there isn’t a perfect system for discovering new bands and artists. Instead, there are a plethora of systems that people can use depending on their tastes and preferences. You have the classic word of mouth in addition to iTunes Genius, Pandora, and YouTube, as well as […]


Annie and the Prostitute

Annie and the Prostitute

This is a story about how I learned about prostitutes. My first kiss happened in kindergarten. I was standing in line (single-file, of course) after recess, and the girl I had a crush on was in front of me. I blew an air kiss at her (she wasn’t looking) and wondered if it counted as my first kiss. I […]


Contrivance #2: Clearing a Desk for Sex

Contrivance #2: Clearing a Desk for Sex

I promise that not all of these contrivances will be sexual. But this one is worth mentioning. In movies and TV shows, people are constantly swiping everything off their desk to clear a path for sex. Doesn’t matter what’s on the desk–computer, coffee mugs, pencil holders, important documents–everything  ends up on the floor. It’s meant […]


Management Tactic #62: Secret Santa

Management Tactic #62: Secret Santa

If your company has a Secret Santa program in place, it might have a very real impact on the bottom line. I’m here to argue that companies should actually sponsor their own Secret Santa programs to improve employee satisfaction and performance. At my previous company, we had a great time playing Secret Santa every year […]


Pet Please #57: Tandem Bikes

Pet Please #57: Tandem Bikes

For the longest time, seeing someone ride a Segway made me immensely happy. And it still does. But I’ve realized that the true pinnacle of happiness when it comes to wheeled transport is the tandem bike. It’s some miracle of invention that tandem bikes even exist. Just like the miracle of life on Earth, rising […]


My 21st Birthday…with Geishas

My 21st Birthday...with Geishas

In all the hubbub about my fake birthday last week, I took a moment to reflect back on real birthdays from my past. There is one that I’m surprised that I haven’t already written about on the blog: My 21st birthday…with geishas. The day was January 9, 2002. If you want to read about what […]


Contrivance #1: Pre-Sex Presenting

Contrivance #1: Pre-Sex Presenting

This is a first in a new series on this blog that I’m calling Contrivances. It will consist of tropes and cliches that occur in movies, books, songs, etc that don’t make sense because they never, ever happen in real life. Feel free to submit any that you notice to me at jamey.stegmaier@gmail.com. The other […]


Oh, the Irony

Oh, the Irony

Today is not my birthday. Let me explain. A few years ago, I started temporarily changing the date of my birthday on Facebook a few years before the actual day (the real day is January 9) so that people didn’t know my birthday was coming up. The reason was that I’m really not very fond […]


My Groupon Rule

My Groupon Rule

I’ve written about how much I love daily deal sites like Groupon and LivingSocial; given their success, you probably do to. However, I have one rule about this sites that I want to share, and I want your opinion about it. I think it’s a rule worth following, but I understand if others have different […]


The Inevitable Naked Lunge Post

The Inevitable Naked Lunge Post

I have a little line on my OkCupid profile that gets more attention than the rest of the rather long profile. The OkCupid prompt is: “The most private thing I’m willing to admit…” My answer: “I will do lunges in front of you when I’m naked for comical effect.” (That line is also in this […]


The Dealbreaker Survey

The Dealbreaker Survey

Thanks to your feedback last week and some soul searching this weekend, I’ve created a dealbreaker survey to replace my “perfect woman” survey (which 403 people have taken to date). This survey is shorter, and it includes the question “Are you female?”, so guys, you’re welcome to flip through the survey without worrying about being […]


The Costanza Wallet Solution

The Costanza Wallet Solution

I have a friend–we’ll call him “Mark” to give away his real name–who used to have a Costanza wallet. That is, a wallet so full of coupons, receipts, cards, and cash, that you’ll get scoliosis for sitting on it for too long. If you’re not familiar with the original Costanza wallet, watch the clip here. […]


My Greatest Fear #22: Garbage Bins

My Greatest Fear #22: Garbage Bins

Every week or so, I take a detour in my parking lot as I leave the building in the morning. I drag a trash bag full of cat poop, orange-mango-pineapple juice containers, and other assorted items to the garbage bin. I always make sure to put my keys in my pocket before taking this journey, […]


The Bowels of Humanity

The Bowels of Humanity

I think I encountered the bowels of humanity the other day. On Friday before leaving work I went downstairs to our social hall to get some food out of the fridge before heading home at 6:00, and I heard water on in the kitchen. I thought someone had left a sink on…that is, until I saw […]


Building a Better Raffle

Building a Better Raffle

At a staff meeting today, we discussed the idea of incentivizing students to register or update their registration with my organization. In the first month of the school year, we could potentially have about 200 new students register and about 600 previously registered students update their info. Two incentive options were proposed: Randomly select 5 […]


Questions I’m Considering for an Updated “Perfect Woman” Survey

Questions I'm Considering for an Updated "Perfect Woman" Survey

Now that nearly 400 women have taken my old perfect woman survey and given me some great feedback along the way, I think it’s time I update it. The previous survey was 25 questions; I’d like this one to be closer to 10. The key difference, though, is that I’d like this to be a […]


The Lottery Solution

The Lottery Solution

This past weekend, I was in a 7-11 partaking in a Slurpee when I saw a scraggly dude buying a lottery ticket. Now, in terms of return on investment, a Slurpee is a way better choice than a lottery ticket. When you spend a dollar on a Slurpee, you’re guaranteed to win a delicious, refreshing beverage. With […]


Pet Please #56: Reading a Book in the Midst of Everything

Pet Please #56: Reading a Book in the Midst of Everything

When you were younger, did you ever find yourself so wrapped up in a book that the rest of the world melted away? Maybe that happens to you as an adult too, but I feel like we read in socially acceptable places now, even in public: coffee shops, the park, cafes. When I was younger, […]


The Best Test of a Relationship

The Best Test of a Relationship

I’ve been quoted in many books of quotes as saying, “The best test of a relationship is to take a trip together.” In my experience, it’s completely true. When you’re on a trip, you’re outside of your comfort zone. Your raw, unedited side comes out, and you get to see what your significant others’ raw, […]


Leadership Tactic #61: Make It About Them

Leadership Tactic #61: Make It About Them

There’s a line in Fight Club that I’ve loved since the first second I heard it: “When people think you’re dying, they really, really just listen to you…instead of just waiting for their turn to speak.” Once I heard that line, I started realizing how often I was just waiting for my turn to speak. […]


The Outlaw of St. Louis: A Survivor’s True Tale of Survival Against All Odds

The Outlaw of St. Louis: A Survivor’s True Tale of Survival Against All Odds

Today, for the first time ever, I was pulled over by the police while driving. This is my story. I was driving back from brunch–something I’m guessing most rebels do on Sunday–when a police car pulled behind me, its lights flashing red and blue. Although I knew I could outrun it in my ’03 Camry, […]