The Inevitable Naked Lunge Post

Like this, but me, and naked.

I have a little line on my OkCupid profile that gets more attention than the rest of the rather long profile. The OkCupid prompt is: “The most private thing I’m willing to admit…”

My answer: “I will do lunges in front of you when I’m naked for comical effect.”

(That line is also in this infamous blog entry.)

Today, someone asked me how one can perform an effective naked lunge. And I must say, it’s a brilliant tactic to have the final say in a debate; this should really be a leadership post.*

So here’s the scenario: You’re debating with someone (ideally someone you’re dating or married to). Perhaps the other person has gained the upper hand in the debate. They’ve gotten cocky in their certitude, and thus they’ve distracted themselves with some mundane activity such as cutting parsley or knitting. This is when you seize the moment.

Step One: While fully clothed, make your final point. (i.e., “Koalas are the cutest of all the animals!”)

Step Two: Strip naked.

Step Three: Lunge.

Step Four: Make some snide remark to get the person’s attention. May I suggest the following (gesturing towards one’s genitals is optional, if not encouraged):

  • “Satisfied?”
  • “I think I’ve made my point.”
  • “But can you do this?”
  • “Oh, I didn’t see you there.”

I encourage you to try this at home (not in public) and report back to me. And I’m not kidding when I say that if you can go from fully clothed to naked and lunging without the other person realizing it, you win.

*I decided that this should not be my first video blog post, something I’ve thought about trying.