The Great Mullet of 2011

Confession: I had a rat tail when I was a kid.

The year was 1988. I was in second grade central Virginia; needless to say, I wasn’t the only kid with a rat tail. But there was something special about having that stringy patch of hair snaking down my back.

I think it was about 5 inches long when my parents cut it off. I didn’t put up much of a fight–I knew the time had come.

But now it’s time to get that rat tail back. The adult version, that is.

That’s right: I’m growing a mullet.

Some backstory: This past weekend I spent quite a bit of time conceptualizing the latest iteration of my annual Festivus party. I’ve hosted the part for 7 years now, and I wanted to add a twist to the 8th year.

So I came up with A Classy/Trashy Festivus. Here’s how I explain the three ways to dress in the Evite:

Classy: Dress in your finest evening wear. Tuxes, ties, suits, elegant dresses, perhaps even that bridesmaids dress you’ve only worn once. The twist is that once you get to the party, a trashy drink (a huge beer) will be affixed to your hand with duct tape ala Edward 40-hands.

Trashy: Dress in your trashiest outfit. Ragged jeans, 10-year-old t-shirts, miniskirts, those tube tops that you continually have to adjust–anything that shows a little too much skin. To balance it out, you’ll have an assortment of top-shelf spirits and mixed drinks from which to choose.

Half and Half: The most challenging option is to come dressed half classy, half trashy. You can do a true half and half–top classy, bottom trashy (or vice versa)–or you can employ a classic hybrid option like a tuxedo tee, yoga pants, or an inappropriately revealing dress. The half and half crowd will have their choice of classy and trashy beverages.

Half and Half is the most challenging, so as the host, I feel obligated to dress that way. Right now I’m playing around with the idea of a combination of jean shorts, a dress shirt and tie on top…

…and a mullet. Business in the front, party in the back.

Now, the difficulty is that I only have a month to grow the mullet. My hair is already quite long, but not nearly long enough in the back. I like to keep this (gestures towards body) all natural, so I don’t want to get a wig. So basically, I’m just going to let it grow and see what happens. And I figure that I can mimic the top half of the mullet by following the leads of my good friends Christiano Ronaldo and Andre Agassi the day of the party.

Yes, I’ll post photos when the time comes.

11 Jamey Points for the best childhood hair style noted in the comments.