Mindy Kaling’s 13 Rules for Guys
If you’ve seen The Office, you know Mindy Kaling as Kelly Kapoor. Kaling recently wrote a delightful book called, “Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me? (and Other Concerns),” and in it she outlines 13 specific things that all guys should do. Her rules are in bold; my responses follow each one. How many do women agree with? How many do guys adhere to?
- Buy a well-fitting peacoat from J.Crew (and get it cleaned once a year). I have a very well-fitting peacoat that I bought in Oxford. I clean it once every two years.
- Have a signature drink. Does Bud Select count? (seriously)
- Own several pairs of dark-wash straight-leg jeans. I literally just bought bootcut jeans. I don’t like them bunching around the tops of my shoes. Damn.
- Wait until all women have gotten on or off an elevator before you get on or off. Definitely. That’s standard Southern hospitality.
- When you think a girl looks pretty, say it and make it about her (i.e., “You look so sexy in those boots,” not “Those boots are really cool.”) I like this a lot. Although I’ve learned that you should actually choose the delivery based on your relationship (or lack thereof) with the woman.
- Avoid asking if someone needs help in a kitchen or at a party–just start helping. There are two types of people in the world at any given time (it changes): People who want to help and people who don’t want to help but want to seem helpful. Don’t ask. Just help.
- Have one great cologne that’s not from the drugstore. I’ve been fostering Old Spice Pure Sport as my “scent” for years!
- Your girlfriend’s sibling or parents might be totally nuts, but always defend them. Definitely.
- Keihl’s for your skin, Bumble and Bumble for your hair. I had to look these up to make sure they weren’t a brand of washer fluid and some sort of bee excrement. I go for Aveno for the skin and American Crew for my hair. Both are a third of the price of Keihl’s and Bumble and Bumble, so they’ll have to do.
- Guys only need two pairs of shoes: a nice pair of black shoes and a pair of Chuck Taylors. I had to look up “Chuck Taylor” on Zappos. They’re Converse. And really? Low-rise New Balance won’t do?
- Bring wine or chocolate to everything. Tough for me to think of because gifts are so low among my love languages, but I like the sentiment. I like the idea of being the “chocolate guy.”
- Get a little jealous now and again, even if you’re not strictly a jealous guy. I’ve heard this before, and I get it, but it’s not easy to do. I’m not a jealous guy. I can pretend if it’s important, though.
- Don’t shave your chest hair. This really seems to depend on the girl, but in my later years, I’ve noticed more and more women wanting the hair. So I keep the hair. Trim other places, obviously. No one’s stopping me from keeping my nipple hair under control.
So how did I score? Counting halfsies, we’re looking at 7.5 out of 13. That’s too bad. But Kaling has a boyfriend and lives in LA and is considerably cooler than me, so I will use her advice to become more manly by 42%.