Week of Worst First Dates: Day 2
My second worst date story involves a woman here in St. Louis. A rather beautiful woman, really. I was somewhat surprised when she started talking to me, but I was happy to go along with it. Let’s call her Barbara.
We had a great rapport going–lots of long e-mails that varied between flirty and funny and deep–but she was a little hesitant to meet up. However, after a week of communication, I was really excited about her, and I asked her to meet me out for a drink.
I started off the date by asking a fun little question, and she told me a story in response that took a few minutes. Then, instead of doing what I should have done and told a story of my own, I asked another question.
She did not stop talking for the next 2 hours.
I’m not exaggerating. I literally could not get a word in edgewise. After it reached a certain point, I aggressively tried to interject, but my efforts were immediately cut off.
I’ve had plenty of women talk my ear off on first dates, but I had never seen anything like this. It was actually somewhat impressive that she could talk for 2 hours straight without pausing.
Fortunately she was a fairly entertaining storyteller. I was more annoyed by being cut off whenever I tried to say anything.
My favorite part was when she finally stopped talking. She took a long sip of her drink, looked up at me, and said, “Well, enough about me.”
Really? You think?
Even more surprising was the next morning when I got the following e-mail from her: “I can’t say that I felt an immediate connection or spark when meeting face to face and that is something that is really important for me, as I would imagine is for you too.”
This bewildered me. Why didn’t she end the date after 1 hour and one drink instead of blabbing on for half the evening? I completely understand that some women are not going to be attracted to me–I’m completely fine with that. But if that’s the case, I really think she should have just ended the date after one drink. (Although, that said, I prolonged my first worst date as I wrote about yesterday even though I knew I wasn’t attracted to her at all. I should probably take my own advice.)
Lesson #4: Try to balance out conversation on a first date. Be aware of your tendency to over talk or over question and go out of your way to counteract those habits.
Lesson #5: If you don’t feel a spark or attraction, don’t prolong the date.
Lesson #6: Don’t tan to much (or at all), because when you’re 30, you’ll look like you’re 40.
Um… what does lesson #6 have to do with the date?
Maybe she was nervous? Or maybe she made a bet with her friend that she’d talk for 2 hours straight and not let you cut her off…
My question is, why didn’t you cut off that date to be only 1 drink? I realize you couldn’t talk to her, but you could talk to someone else, like the waiter, to ask for the check, right?
Lesson #6 doesn’t have to do with it being a bad date, hence why I didn’t discuss it in the post. But it is true that this woman had tanned WAY too much, and it showed.
It seemed that might be the case, but you had mentioned early in the post that she was “a rather beautiful woman”, so it seemed conflicting.
Also, why didn’t I cut off the date? Because when a woman starts to order another drink, I don’t have the balls to cut her off to tell her I’m done.
Do you think she kept rambling on because she was nervous? Also, I know some people are terrified of that awkward pause in the conversation that can happen on a lot of first dates when a topic kind of wears out and you are both trying to think of the next one. I’ve had that happen before even with guys I really enjoyed talking to. Not trying to make excuses, as it is really rude that she cut you off, but first dates can be really nerve wracking!
She definitely was not outwardly nervous at all, and if she wasn’t into me, I’m not sure that she needed to be nervous about anything.
I completely understand nervousness on dates. However, in all the second dates I’ve been on following a overly talkative first date that I’ve attributed to nervousness (on her part), never has a date been any less talkative (and one-sided in terms of conversation) on the second date. I think you can only attribute but so much to nervousness. After a certain point, people have to take personal responsibility and be aware of their nervous ticks so they can combat them.
And this date took it well beyond that by aggressively cutting me off whenever I tried to say something. It was truly as if she didn’t want me to talk. Very odd!
Did you feel like this dude when you are next to her?
http://nerdnirvana.org/wp-content/uploads/2010/07/seducing-a-tan-chick.jpg
And by aggressively stopping you from talking, did she held her hand up like you should talk to the hand or headbutt you?
Haha…no head butting.
Whenever I’d try to speak, she would immediately speak over me. It was almost comical given the discrepancy in speaking time.
I’m so glad I found your blog…I’ve been reading through various posts and this one had me laughing out loud! The girl who showed up in sweatpants kind of upsets me because I’ve been online dating and I feel like certain people give the rest of us a bad rap!
I had one lame date- he showed up in a dirty, beat up car, with an excessive amount of trash in it, and took me ice skating at forest park. Since he paid for skating I offered to buy him a drink. We went to a bar and he spent the majority of our time there flirting with the bartender. Rude!
Then I had an awesome date with a different guy. He took me bowling, we had burgers at 5 guys and then spent 2 more hours together just talking and hanging out. Perfect low-key date.
In my opinion, it’s all about luck.
Thanks Chelly! As for the girl in sweatpants, I should note that the opposite is kind of true for me too…although it’s nice if a woman puts a little effort into choosing what she wears for a date, it’s also kind of a turnoff if she goes all out with the clothes and makeup. I like a woman who’s perfectly comfortable in a pair of jeans and a sweater, you know? Kind of like what you described with the low-key date. Did you get to date #4 and read the comments? The date commented that she wasn’t pleased with the homemade burgers I made. Sure, maybe I could have gone all-out for that dinner–I enjoy doing that from time to time. But the bottom line is that I’d much rather date someone who’s happy with a homemade blue-cheese burger than someone who would turn up their nose at the thought.
Cleaning out the car before a date is good advice for anyone. As is not flirting with the bartender.