NewsFlash: jameystegmaier.com to Partner with Depends

How many times have you been at a baseball game, having a great time, and just as things start to heat up, you have to go to the bathroom?

By the time you get back from the crowded, dirty restroom, the home team has hit several grand slams and your girlfriend is making out with the beer man on the Kiss Cam.

Happens every time, right?

No more, I say. Thanks to a new partnership with Depends-brand adult diapers, I’d like to introduce you to a new line of products for active young adults. Potential uses include (but are not limited to):

  • Lord of the Rings marathons
  • Dance clubs where you don’t want to lose your friends and spend the rest of the night shouting “I’m at the bar! Where are you?” into your phone
  • Edward 40-Hands parties
  • First dates
  • Concerts

Although I’ve never used Depends, I’ve often thought about the advantages of never having to excuse yourself to go to the bathroom. When I’m out for dinner with friends or at a house party, I’m always concerned that I’ll miss the best part of the conversation if I go to the bathroom. I worry that I’ll spend the rest of the night trying to decipher some inside joke about peanut butter and Tiger Woods. Just last night I played nearly 3 hours of poker without leaving the table. I had to pee the entire time.

The obvious solution is that I need to install a toilet in my pants. Thanks to Depends, that will soon become a reality.

Depends for Young Adults will be fully customizable with logos from your favorite sports teams, celebrities, and movies. For you ladies, may I recommend Depends for Young Adults SPANX (for clubbing) and Depends for Young Adults Thongs (perfect for hiding panty lines or for wearing under bikinis on the beach).

What will you use your Depends for? (Yeah, that’s right–I’m going to try to make a conversation out of this crazy entry. I dare you to play my game.)

(Reminder: This is the last weekend to submit your entries for the Tournament of Awkwardness.)