My Greatest Fear #30: Spraying Myself in the Eyes with PAM

I almost sprayed myself in the face taking this photo. That would have been ironic.

Every two weeks, I make chocolate-chip pancakes on the weekend.

I’ve done this every 2-3 weekends for the past 4 years. I love chocolate-chip pancakes (semi-sweet chips, mind you), but I don’t want to burn myself out on them by having them every week. And I never want to go more than 3 weeks without having them.

This is how I work.

To keep the pancakes from sticking to the the frying pan, I spray the pan with PAM cooking spray a few times every time I make pancakes. Thus, by my calculations, I put my finger on the PAM nozzle and press it about 62 times a year. Over the last 4 years, that’s a total of 248 times.

Not once have I sprayed myself in the eyes. Not once.

And yet every single time I pick up the bottle of PAM to spray the pan, it occurs to me that I might blind myself in a matter of seconds. Every time. If I blinded myself, not only would I not get to eat my pancakes, but I would also end up running down the hallway naked.

At least, I’ll think it’s a hallway. In reality it’ll probably be Interstate 64 or the cat food aisle at Schnucks. I’m fond of that aisle.

PAM seems to understand my plight. Over the years they’ve perfected the nozzle of the bottle so that it’s nearly impossible for me to spray myself in the face. And yet there’s a small, irrational part of me that thinks that it’s possible, that I’ll press that button and suddenly I’ll look like Kramer in “The Butter Shave” episode of Seinfeld.

Have you ever sprayed yourself in the face with anything by accident?