The Clown: Perhaps My Favorite News Story Ever

clownThis headline caught my eye the other day: “Northampton Clown Terrorizes English Town Just By Standing Around.”

I checked the source to see if it was an Onion article. Nope. This is a real story about a real person who has been dressing up in a clown costume and popping up randomly in a British town.

The clown isn’t trying to hurt anyone, but it’s super, super creepy. For some reason I’m delighted by this. It’s just so random–who decides to dress up as a clown and just show up out of nowhere on dark, rainy streets? Who does that?

Put yourself in this situation: You walk out of a restaurant at 10:00 pm, your date’s arm in yours. You just enjoyed a lovely evening involving a bottle of wine, sea bass, and an amazing chocolate dessert.

The street is quiet–it’s usually a busy area with lots of foot traffic, but there’s a slight drizzle, so people are staying in the surrounding restaurants as long as possible. You don’t mind, as you feel like you and your date are the only people in the world. You like that you feel that way with her sometimes–you could see yourself with her for a long time.

She squeezes your arm and smiles at you. You’re overcome with an immediate desire to kiss her. Your first kiss, in the middle of a public square? Why not? So you slip an arm around her waist, pull her close, and–

OH MY GOD THERE’S A CLOWN STANDING 10 FEET AWAY.

The best part of the article comes at the very end: “It is unknown at this time whether or not the clown feeds on the souls of children.”

Thank you, Huffington Post. That made my week.