Today I went to the grocery store with a very specific, short list:
Of course, the staples (milk, juice, baby spinach) were in my head. What I didn’t realize when I walked into the store, though, was that this would be magical grocery shopping episode. No, I didn’t meet a cute girl in the cat treat aisle (someday!). This day, my friends, was The Day I Remembered All of the Things I Perpetually Forget to Add to My Grocery List.
If I don’t have a grocery list, I’m useless in the grocery store. I’ll be there for hours, and I’ll end up walking out with all the cookies and nothing else. So throughout the week I keep a running list on my phone when I think of things I want to cook or things I’m running low on.
But it seems that there are a few items that constantly evade my attempts to remember them. There’s a very slim margin of error for these items. If I don’t write them down within seconds of thinking of them, they’re gone.
This is why the sponge attachment I use to rinse dishes looks like Oscar the Grouch with cold sores. This is why I’ve been living in fear of spraying toilet water in my eyes. This is why I’ve been making fried chicken with butter and milk instead of buttermilk!
Not anymore. Today, one item after another, I checked the forbidden fruit off my list. First it was the buttermilk, which came to me like a silky caress in the night. Then it was the toilet cake, birthday cake’s ugly cousin. Then, when it seemed like it couldn’t get any better, I remembered the sponge attachment; or, as Winston noted on tonight’s episode of New Girl, “Spongy make wipey.”
New Girl? Nay–with these items I’ve been forgetting for months, I’m a new man.
Also, I got some cookies. 2 for $5 Milanos!