The Great Cocoa Shortage of ’15

IMG_4462A few weeks ago I caught wind that Jeni’s Ice Cream had opened in St. Louis. I was introduced to Jeni’s a few years ago by a woman I was dating. At the time, it was only available in a few grocery stores in St. Louis, and it stood out for its $10 price per pint. I had never spent that much on a pint of ice cream before, but it was quite good.

When I heard that Jeni’s was expanding from Ohio to a location 3 minutes away from where I live, I was quite excited.

Now, you should know (and probably already know if you read this blog), I get really excited about certain things: food, movies, and books. Like, literally giddy with anticipation. I hype things up way too much.

So as the day approached that I would get to go to Jeni’s St. Louis location for the first time, I visited their website a few times and selected a few flavors. They have a rotating array of flavors, so I wasn’t sure which ones they would have for my visit. I picked a few chocolate flavors to consider upon arrival.

After all this anticipation and build up, I finally went to Jeni’s. The location is beautiful–high ceilings, ample space for sitting and standing, and big windows that let in the light. To top it off, the staff was friendly and helpful.

The moment of truth came as I approached the display case. What magical mixtures of chocolate would await me? Who would prance with me through cocoa pastures?

But…they didn’t have any chocolate.

Yes, you read that correctly. There wasn’t a single chocolate flavor of ice cream. There wasn’t even a variety of ice cream with chocolate chips in it.

I was devastated. Crushed. I could barely bring myself to eat the two delicious scoops of ice cream I ordered (vanilla and caramel-encrusted almond, I think).

It’s saying a lot about the quality of ice cream that despite the lack of chocolate, I returned to Jeni’s today. This time I was mentally prepared, and for good reason, because again there was no chocolate. They had a root beer flavor that looked like chocolate (so I got it), but it was not chocolate.

I’ve come to the conclusion that the only reasonable expectation for the lack of chocolate is that there must be a massive cocoa shortage in the world right now. Jeni must simply be unable to obtain the precious bean from the cocoa mines of South America.

So I’d like to ask you, dear reader, to help this cause by not purchasing chocolate for the next 10 days. This should correct this imbalance in the world and solve the cocoa shortage (that’s how supply and demand works, right?) so the next time I go to Jeni’s–oh, there will be a next time–there will be chocolate waiting for me.

Thanks for your consideration.

salted walnut and root beer ice cream

salted walnut and root beer ice cream