I’m Jamey Stegmaier, and I recently survived for 5 days in the wilderness of Indianapolis without hair product. This is my story.
The last thing I typically pack when I travel are my toiletries. Toothpaste, toothbrush, razor, all that stuff. And the very last thing to go in the bag is my hair “fiber,” as American Crew likes to call it.
That’s what happened last Wednesday morning when I was getting ready for my trip to Gen Con, a big gaming convention my company attends. I piled into the car with 3 friends, and soon we were on the road.
About 45 minutes into the drive, it hit me: I put my hair product next to my sink, not in my back. I wasn’t 100% sure of it, but I was close.
I couldn’t turn around, because I loathe time spent backtracking. So I held on to the hope that I was mistaken.
When we arrived in Indianapolis, I tore into my bathroom bag. No luck. The hair product was missing.
So I did the only thing I could do: I cancelled our 4 hotel rooms, 1 conference room, and 100+ events. Even with my volunteer team of 18 people, we couldn’t possibly proceed without hair product. It simply isn’t feasible.
I called down to our vendor partner and told him to burn the 1000 copies of Scythe at his booth. From the ashes we would build a new world, a world where hair product isn’t necessary to keep one’s frizzy, puffy hair at bay. A world of dreadlocks, not fauxhawks.
With their primary purpose gone, my team divided into two factions: The Bald and the Braids. A turf war broke out in the lobby of the Marriott, with the Bald fortifying their position behind the check-in desk and the Braids building siege towers out of deconstructed beds.
Few survived the ensuing battle, and most of downtown Indianapolis was destroyed. As I walked through the wreckage, whistling that Hunger Games catcall, I stumbled upon my co-founder. He asked what happened, and I relayed the story.
“Oh,” he said. “I have some hair stuff you can use.”
For other true tales of survival, scroll to the bottom of this page.