Top Festivus Grievances of 2011: 1-10
Here we are, the day of days. It all comes down to this. Thousands of behavioral psychologists have spent the last 72 hours poring over millions of grievances to determine the Top 10 based on humor, truthiness, and topicality, and in the end, my friend Neeraja had the dubious distinction of ranking them. Drumroll please… [...]
Top Festivus Grievances of 2011: 11-20
We’re so close to the Top 10! Bryce had the dubious job of selecting the Top 10 through his Top 20 choices, even though it will be Neeraja who ranks them tomorrow. 20. The lack of book covers on e-readers: Can’t we see what trash you’re really reading? 19. People who constantly talk about their [...]
Top Festivus Grievances of 2011: 21-30
Today’s grievance rankings are brought to you from Gabby over in DC: 30. Any item of clothing that requires ironing. Seriously, it’s 2011—everything should be wrinkle-free by now. 29. English has no word equivalent to Krummspeck (“grief bacon” in German). 28. Being accused of giving someone “a look.” 27. Q-tips, according to “doctors,” are really [...]
Top Festivus Grievances of 2011: 31-40
The countdown begins. This year I slightly changed things up in three specific ways: In past years, people have written down their grievances at my Festivus party on pieces of paper scattered throughout my condo. This year, thanks to my Whiteyboard (it’s a brand name, not racial commentary) and a white board borrow from work, [...]
Festivus Vlog: The Aftermath
On Saturday, I held my eighth annual Festivus party, this one with a trashy/classy theme. Although my mullet never really filled in to the point of being recognizable, I dressed half and half for the theme. I went into this party with the mentality that it might be the last big Festivus party I hold. [...]
The Top Festivus Grievances of 2010: 1-10
I just realized that I haven’t been giving all of the judges credit for all the hard work, the hours of research, the sweat and blood they lost while ranking the top 40 Festivus grievances of 2010. Leo took care of 31-40. Josh then handled 21-30. Gabby stepped in and did a great job with [...]
Top Festivus Grievances of 2010: 11-20
20. The phrase, “It is what it is.” 19. Non-foaming hand soap—You think I have the time or energy to make you foam? 18. Bread = good. Bread + butter = great. Bread ‘n Butter pickles? = Taste like feet. 17. Mothballs! Not quite as tasty as gumballs. 16. East. Always a sunrise, never a [...]
Top Festivus Grievances of 2010: 21-30
30. People who live on the third floor and take the elevator…seriously? 29. People who pay for diet pills with cash and bacon and butter with food stamps. 28. Being so positive that I can’t think of any damn grievances. 27. People who discuss their children’s intimate secrets health details on Facebook. I don’t need [...]
Top Festivus Grievances of 2010: 31-40
Due to the abundance of quality grievances this year, I picked 50 out of the 135 or so written down at my Festivus party (some of which were originally posted by readers on this blog) and sent them to my friend Leo (none of the judges were at the party). Leo narrowed the list to [...]
Festivus: Your Last Chance to Grieve
Okay, I know you must have at least one grievance. One everyday pet peeve. One event in 2010 that irked you. One person in your office who makes this really annoying snorting sound instead of just blowing his damn nose like every other decent human being. Today’s your last chance to have your grievance considered [...]
A Festivus Miracle
Okay, it’s not quite a miracle, but after a month of waiting, the article about my Festivus party finally made it to St. Louis Magazine. For your viewing and reading pleasure, in high def and 3D: I feel like it’s not a great photo of me–the angle gives me a bit of the fat face. [...]
My First Photoshoot
Two weeks ago, I was contacted by St. Louis Magazine (a magazine devoted to all things about the patron saint of streets with mispronounced French names, Louis) about my annual Festivus party. Apparently the magazine was looking to do an article on Festivus, and I have the only Festivus party in St. Louis that Google [...]
The Top 10 Festivus Grievances of 2009
The day has come. My good friend Bryce, one of the funniest people I know, has ranked the top 10 Festivus grievances of 2009. Agree? Disagree? That’s what the comments section is for. (A little hubris: #1 and #5 are mine.) 10. The white crusties milk bottles leave in the fridge. 9. People who just [...]
The Top Festivus Grievances of 2009: 11-20
Brought to us by the lovely Neeraja are Festivus grievances 11-20. The Top 10 will be posted on Thursday evening. 21-30 are here. 20. People who think Facebook is different than Myspace. You’ve been fooled! 19. People who walk around with ibuds in their ears all the time. I’m sure “your soundtrack” is great, but [...]
Top Festivus Grievances of 2009: 21-30
I realized this weekend that Seinfeld has been off the air for a full decade, so I should stop assuming that everyone knows what Festivus is. Hop on over to Wikipedia if you want the full explanation, but the basics are that it’s a holiday celebration created by one of the characters on Seinfeld that [...]
The Top 10 Festivus Grievances of 2008
As presented by Neeraja… 10. People who type “LOL” when they’re not laughing out loud (followed by “People who say–not type–LOL”). 9. Networks that cancel shows mid-year without resolving the story lines! 8. Eagles–all that national recognition for what? The only real difference between eagles and vultures is that one is better looking than the [...]
Top Festivus Grievances of 2008: 11-20
Today’s list is brought to you by Gabby, with the Top 10 appearing tomorrow. 20. Twitter–I don’t want to know what you’re doing right now. 19. The phrase, “The truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.” Really, if we tell the whole truth and nothing but the truth, I think we’re covered. If [...]
Top Festivus Grievances of 2008: 21-30
The countdown begins…. There were many, many grievances submitted at my Festivus party, so I had to pare them down a bit for the rankings. There were many accurate, insightful, and humorous grievances, but favor was given to those that offered some explanation as to why the person was grieving. Nancy and I narrowed the [...]
Top Festivus Grievances of 2007
The Travelocity Roaming Gnome—his antics are giving other garden porcelain a bad name Dane Cook—for telling us over and over that there is only one Actober! [It took about a year, but finally everyone realizes that Dane Cook sucks.] Hips that lie Delilah After Dark—for many reasons, including her poor taste in music when people [...]
Top Festivus Grievances of 2006
I’m hosting my fifth annual Festivus party this weekend. Guests are asked to bring their grievances for the year so they can air them on posters I put up around the condo, per Seinfeld tradition. I encourage grievances of the humorous sort, as you can see below. These are the top grievances of 2006, to [...]
