Top 10 Festivus Grievances of 2012
31-40 here 21-30 here 11-20 here The day has come. Thanks to the illustrious Leo, we have our top 10 rankings for 2012 Festivus grievances. What do you think? Do you grieve as these people grieved? Did you make the top 10? Leo has a number of comments that he added in [brackets]. 10. Predictive [...]
Top Festivus Grievances of 2012: 11-20
31-40 here 21-30 here We’re getting close now…so close, in fact, that I’m going to post a special Friday edition of the blog tomorrow night with the Top 10. For now, Gabby graciously offered us his insight into the Top 20: 20. People speak in abbreviations. Perf. (The words “peeps” and “abbrevs” are written in [...]
Top Festivus Grievances of 2012: 21-30
31-40 grievances here. The infamous Bryce kindly took the time to rank Festivus grievances 21-30. Read the following to grieve with us: 30. Twilight. Period. Bad writing Bad role models for teenage girls. And since when do vampires sparkle. (Followed by: Team Edward!) 29. Theme parties that make you feel sad that no one has [...]
Top Festivus Grievances of 2012: 31-40
Every year I host a big Festivus house party in celebration of the Seinfeld tradition. There is a Festivus pole, plenty of Seinfeld-themed snacks, a feat of strength (a drinking game)…and grievances. People write their funny grievances from that year on two giant whiteboards on my wall. After the party, I jot down all grievances [...]
Festivus 2012 Pet Pleases
I haven’t received the Festivus rankings from my impartial voters yet, but I do have something to share with you today. By Trev’s suggestion, I added a slim column to my Festivus grievance whiteboards for pet pleases. I know, it goes against the spirit of Festivus, but I like the idea that even on a [...]
Which Ugly Tie Should I Wear at My Festivus Party?
My annual Festivus party is coming up this Saturday, so what does that mean for you? Well, next week’s blog is going to be filled with funny grievances. If you have anything to grieve about in a witty way, feel free to send your grievances to me or post them in the comments here so [...]
How to Throw an Epic Party
Every year for the last 9 years, I’ve thrown a Festivus party in December (we’re coming up on #9). And every year I try to do something to top the previous year’s party. Last year was probably the biggest jump over any previous year because I not only added a VIP room to the event, [...]
Top Festivus Grievances of 2011: 1-10
Here we are, the day of days. It all comes down to this. Thousands of behavioral psychologists have spent the last 72 hours poring over millions of grievances to determine the Top 10 based on humor, truthiness, and topicality, and in the end, my friend Neeraja had the dubious distinction of ranking them. Drumroll please… [...]
Top Festivus Grievances of 2011: 11-20
We’re so close to the Top 10! Bryce had the dubious job of selecting the Top 10 through his Top 20 choices, even though it will be Neeraja who ranks them tomorrow. 20. The lack of book covers on e-readers: Can’t we see what trash you’re really reading? 19. People who constantly talk about their [...]
Top Festivus Grievances of 2011: 21-30
Today’s grievance rankings are brought to you from Gabby over in DC: 30. Any item of clothing that requires ironing. Seriously, it’s 2011—everything should be wrinkle-free by now. 29. English has no word equivalent to Krummspeck (“grief bacon” in German). 28. Being accused of giving someone “a look.” 27. Q-tips, according to “doctors,” are really [...]
Top Festivus Grievances of 2011: 31-40
The countdown begins. This year I slightly changed things up in three specific ways: In past years, people have written down their grievances at my Festivus party on pieces of paper scattered throughout my condo. This year, thanks to my Whiteyboard (it’s a brand name, not racial commentary) and a white board borrow from work, [...]
Festivus Vlog: The Aftermath
On Saturday, I held my eighth annual Festivus party, this one with a trashy/classy theme. Although my mullet never really filled in to the point of being recognizable, I dressed half and half for the theme. I went into this party with the mentality that it might be the last big Festivus party I hold. [...]
The Top Festivus Grievances of 2010: 1-10
I just realized that I haven’t been giving all of the judges credit for all the hard work, the hours of research, the sweat and blood they lost while ranking the top 40 Festivus grievances of 2010. Leo took care of 31-40. Josh then handled 21-30. Gabby stepped in and did a great job with [...]
Top Festivus Grievances of 2010: 11-20
20. The phrase, “It is what it is.” 19. Non-foaming hand soap—You think I have the time or energy to make you foam? 18. Bread = good. Bread + butter = great. Bread ‘n Butter pickles? = Taste like feet. 17. Mothballs! Not quite as tasty as gumballs. 16. East. Always a sunrise, never a [...]
Top Festivus Grievances of 2010: 21-30
30. People who live on the third floor and take the elevator…seriously? 29. People who pay for diet pills with cash and bacon and butter with food stamps. 28. Being so positive that I can’t think of any damn grievances. 27. People who discuss their children’s intimate secrets health details on Facebook. I don’t need [...]
Top Festivus Grievances of 2010: 31-40
Due to the abundance of quality grievances this year, I picked 50 out of the 135 or so written down at my Festivus party (some of which were originally posted by readers on this blog) and sent them to my friend Leo (none of the judges were at the party). Leo narrowed the list to [...]
Festivus: Your Last Chance to Grieve
Okay, I know you must have at least one grievance. One everyday pet peeve. One event in 2010 that irked you. One person in your office who makes this really annoying snorting sound instead of just blowing his damn nose like every other decent human being. Today’s your last chance to have your grievance considered [...]
A Festivus Miracle
Okay, it’s not quite a miracle, but after a month of waiting, the article about my Festivus party finally made it to St. Louis Magazine. For your viewing and reading pleasure, in high def and 3D: I feel like it’s not a great photo of me–the angle gives me a bit of the fat face. [...]
My First Photoshoot
Two weeks ago, I was contacted by St. Louis Magazine (a magazine devoted to all things about the patron saint of streets with mispronounced French names, Louis) about my annual Festivus party. Apparently the magazine was looking to do an article on Festivus, and I have the only Festivus party in St. Louis that Google [...]
The Top 10 Festivus Grievances of 2009
The day has come. My good friend Bryce, one of the funniest people I know, has ranked the top 10 Festivus grievances of 2009. Agree? Disagree? That’s what the comments section is for. (A little hubris: #1 and #5 are mine.) 10. The white crusties milk bottles leave in the fridge. 9. People who just [...]
The Top Festivus Grievances of 2009: 11-20
Brought to us by the lovely Neeraja are Festivus grievances 11-20. The Top 10 will be posted on Thursday evening. 21-30 are here. 20. People who think Facebook is different than Myspace. You’ve been fooled! 19. People who walk around with ibuds in their ears all the time. I’m sure “your soundtrack” is great, but [...]
Top Festivus Grievances of 2009: 21-30
I realized this weekend that Seinfeld has been off the air for a full decade, so I should stop assuming that everyone knows what Festivus is. Hop on over to Wikipedia if you want the full explanation, but the basics are that it’s a holiday celebration created by one of the characters on Seinfeld that [...]
The Top 10 Festivus Grievances of 2008
As presented by Neeraja… 10. People who type “LOL” when they’re not laughing out loud (followed by “People who say–not type–LOL”). 9. Networks that cancel shows mid-year without resolving the story lines! 8. Eagles–all that national recognition for what? The only real difference between eagles and vultures is that one is better looking than the [...]
Top Festivus Grievances of 2008: 11-20
Today’s list is brought to you by Gabby, with the Top 10 appearing tomorrow. 20. Twitter–I don’t want to know what you’re doing right now. 19. The phrase, “The truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.” Really, if we tell the whole truth and nothing but the truth, I think we’re covered. If [...]
