guy talk

The Wasabi Waitress

The Wasabi Waitress

Many of my friends know that I once had a tiny crush on a very attractive waitress at the Clayton Wasabi sushi restaurant. She hasn’t worked there for a while, so I feel that it’s safe to write this blog entry. Below you’ll find my detailed plan to ask out the Wasabi Waitress. I’m making […]


Can You Use a Groupon on a First Date?

Can You Use a Groupon on a First Date?

Back during the dating spree of ’10, I bought a Groupon for Liluma Restaurant here in St. Louis. By sheer chance, a woman with whom I had exchanged a few e-mails mentioned that she had been wanting to try out Liluma. So we planned to go there on our first date. Now, as you can […]


10 Ways to Have a Great First Date

10 Ways to Have a Great First Date

It’s been long enough since I’ve had a first date that no one will think I’m specifically talking about them. So here goes. This is the result of thousands of dates in 26 different languages, 13 countries, and 312 outfits. Prep before the date. If you have interactions with the person before the first date […]


Pet Peeve #19: The Pants Pouch

Pet Peeve #19: The Pants Pouch

The men out there are going to be familiar with today’s pet peeve. Women may not have experienced it, but I bet they’ve seen it. First, a visual explanation of the pants pouch. No, this isn’t what you think it is. This is an empty pouch of bunched up pants, a phenomenon that occurs when […]


9 Essentials for a House Party

9 Essentials for a House Party

Here are 9 essential details I’ve learned about hosting a house party. And by a house party I mean that the primary function of the party is to drink with your friends and anyone else who shows up. Provide All the Alcohol: If you’re hosting parties every weekend, this rule should be disregarded. But if […]


8 More Things Every Man Should Know

8 More Things Every Man Should Know

This is an addendum to my previous post, 8 Things Every Man Should Know. 9. Never wear socks with sandals. Even in the winter. Especially not in the winter. 10. Leave a flashlight in the same place in your home. If the power ever goes out, you can use your distal memory to find it. […]


Dating Primer: Who Takes Care of the Check?

Dating Primer: Who Takes Care of the Check?

You’re on a first date at a restaurant. The bill comes. Pause it right there. This is a defining moment of a first date. Both people have decisions to make, behaviors to pick, things to say. So much can go wrong (although probably not wrong enough to ruin the date). Here’s what I think is […]


My Celebrity Five

My Celebrity Five

Your celebrity list (I think the standard list is five) is something that a lot of couples have. It’s purely hypothetical: If you ever have the chance to sleep with one of the celebrities on your list, you get a free pass to do so from your significant other. I say that it’s purely hypothetical […]


The Rules of Calling Shotgun

The Rules of Calling Shotgun

The whole concept of calling shotgun is ridiculous. If I ruled the world, I’d simply abolish it. Do people really care that much about getting the front seat? I mean, in the back seat you can just sit back there and relax and not have to do anything. Calling shotgun is just one of those […]


The “Go Back to School” Girl

The "Go Back to School" Girl

I’ve seen this girl on enough occasions that it’s time I talk about her. No, it’s not a girl I’m dating. It’s the “Go Back to School Girl”: You may recognize her from any number of websites with sponsored links. I see her the most on my morning NY Times e-mail. There, among a dozen […]


Miss Alignment

Miss Alignment

An alert reader sent me the following question today, along with the awesome accompanying drawing below: “There’s got to be some term for the phenomenon when you see someone running with the pony tail, tight shorts, sports bra, and so on, and there is a tree in-between the trail and the road that is in just the wrong place […]


The Ease of Modern Chivalry

The Ease of Modern Chivalry

Men probably don’t think about this all that often, but we really have it easy in 2010 thanks to the diminishing standards of chivalry. For this I want to express my sincere gratitude to modern women. 60 years ago, a man walking down the street with a woman might have encountered a puddle on the […]


The Milk Seduction

The Milk Seduction

A few weeks ago, I had a brilliant/ridiculous idea for getting the attention of women. In the movies (and presumably in real life), guys send drinks over to women at restaurants and bars. The waiter shows up at the ladies’ table, puts down the drinks, and points across the room at the guys. If the […]


Who Is the Ultimate Man?

Who Is the Ultimate Man?

Over the years, there have been dozens of men who were the ultimate men of their time. Guys like Clint Eastwood, Burt Reynolds, and Bruce Campbell. But lately, thanks to a squadron of loyal fans and some very effective marketing campaigns, there are a few men that have become the very personification of the ultimate […]


The Panties Poll

The Panties Poll

“We were out at the Olive Garden for dinner, which was lovely. And uh, I happen to look over at a certain point during the meal and see a waitress taking an order, and I found myself wondering what color her underpants might be. Her panties. Uh, odds are they are probably basic white, cotton, […]


Two Women: Maybe They’ll Kiss…

Two Women: Maybe They'll Kiss...

Universally, men want to see two women hook up. I’d guess that such a large percentage of heterosexual men want this that it has to be in our genes somewhere. The “Girl-on-Girl” gene, or GOG. My question is, why? What is the evolutionary function of man’s desire to see two women make out? How does […]


How to Host a Poker Night

How to Host a Poker Night

On December 1, 2004, I hosted a poker game at my apartment. 192 games later, the game is still going strong. Over 65 fifferent people have played in the game–mostly regulars, with a handful of one- or two-timers. The interesting thing to me is how many people express interest in playing. I don’t advertise the […]


The Nature of Male Toplessness

The Nature of Male Toplessness

The other day, a female friend of mine asked me, “Why do guys find any excuse not to wear a shirt?” My initial response was, “Well…why would we wear shirts if we didn’t have to?” She replied, “That doesn’t answer my question.” She’s right. There are so many things that guys do without shirts when […]


You Need to Rent “The Notebook”

You Need to Rent "The Notebook"

Remember “The Ring”? That really scary movie that had people walking out of theaters literally thinking they were going to die? Well, I have a theory that  the movie “The Notebook” is exactly like “The Ring,” but with sex instead of death. It’s the female Viagra all those researchers have been looking for. Just to […]


7 Phrases Women Like to Hear

7 Phrases Women Like to Hear

My mother, bless her heart, recently sent me this article as good blog fodder. It’s titled, “7 Phrases Men Like to Hear.” It’s not all that insightful into the male psyche, but a few are really good. I’ll recap here: You look great. I love your [insert body part]. I love it when you [insert action]. […]


Is She Old Enough?

Is She Old Enough?

Sometimes I get deja vu when I start to write a blog entry. This is one such occurrence. If I’ve written this exact same entry in the past, I apologize. (Does that ever happen to you?) The other day I was in the Shangri-La of grocery stores, the Clayton Schnuck’s. It is a utopia of […]


The Rules of Morning Breath

The Rules of Morning Breath

Morning breath is a fact of life. It’s inevitable, and it’s never good. Show me a person with good morning breath, and I’ll show you a well-written episode of Grey’s Anatomy. So the question here is: What are the rules for dealing with morning breath when you wake up next to someone? The key, in […]


How Old Do I Look? (She Asks)

How Old Do I Look? (She Asks)

Tonight I was at a work-related party. Beer in hand, I was talking with a volunteer I hadn’t met before. I knew she had kids and that she had recently moved back from Seattle with her husband. I should add that she’s a very attractive woman. While we were chatting–I can’t remember how this came […]


Cardinals Girls and Free Stuff

Cardinals Girls and Free Stuff

Thanks to my best friend Trev, I had great seats to the St. Louis Cardinals game tonight. We were 12 rows back from Pujols, right behind the first-base dugout. If you’ve ever been to a Cardinals game, you know who the Cardinals Girls are. Every few innings, they prance out onto the dugout to get […]