What Happened Here?
I came back from a New Year’s party to find this in my parking lot (I waited until daylight to take the photo): I’m somewhat amused, but mostly horrified and curious about this. First, whatever happened, I hope no one got hurt. Second, what happened?! My best guess is that this person hit something on [...]
Ohio State Trounced by Little Sisters of the Poor in Bowl Warmup
COLUMBUS, Ohio (AP) – In an astounding upset, the Ohio State University football team was defeated by the Little Sisters of the Poor’s club team 57-3 in a bowl warmup game. The game was scheduled as a friendly match following OSU president E. Gordon Gee’s comments in November comparing Boise State University and Texas Christian [...]
Pizza Hut Launches New “Krusts 4 Kids” Program
DALLAS, Texas (AP) – In a much-anticipated announcement on Thursday, Pizza Hut announced that it would launch a new initiative geared towards infants just in time for the holidays. “Krusts 4 Kids,” as the program is dubbed, is a recycling program for uneaten pizza crusts. Instead of throwing away discarded crusts, Pizza Hut will repackage [...]
The Cat Litter Study
Last week on poker night, I mentioned to the guys that I had signed up for a cat litter study. I’d go to a marketing firm’s testing facility, smell and look at some cat litter, and get paid $40 for half an hour of time. Easy money. One of the guys joked that it would [...]
The Top Festivus Grievances of 2010: 1-10
I just realized that I haven’t been giving all of the judges credit for all the hard work, the hours of research, the sweat and blood they lost while ranking the top 40 Festivus grievances of 2010. Leo took care of 31-40. Josh then handled 21-30. Gabby stepped in and did a great job with [...]
Top Festivus Grievances of 2010: 11-20
20. The phrase, “It is what it is.” 19. Non-foaming hand soap—You think I have the time or energy to make you foam? 18. Bread = good. Bread + butter = great. Bread ‘n Butter pickles? = Taste like feet. 17. Mothballs! Not quite as tasty as gumballs. 16. East. Always a sunrise, never a [...]
Top Festivus Grievances of 2010: 21-30
30. People who live on the third floor and take the elevator…seriously? 29. People who pay for diet pills with cash and bacon and butter with food stamps. 28. Being so positive that I can’t think of any damn grievances. 27. People who discuss their children’s intimate secrets health details on Facebook. I don’t need [...]
Top Festivus Grievances of 2010: 31-40
Due to the abundance of quality grievances this year, I picked 50 out of the 135 or so written down at my Festivus party (some of which were originally posted by readers on this blog) and sent them to my friend Leo (none of the judges were at the party). Leo narrowed the list to [...]
The Legend of T-Mac
This past Friday, November 12, marked the birthday of my best friend Trevor (known in the forums as T-Mac). If you’re a longtime reader, you may recall seeing a story about him eating a very old tray of lasagna a while back. It was also for him and his new wife that I gave a [...]
My Favorite Childhood Halloween Costume
Before the days of Man vs. Wild, Top Gun wingmen, and Dharma Initiative costumes, there was trick-or-treating. The primary objective was the acquisition of candy needed to last until Christmas. Costumes were simply the currency we exchanged for the candy. I honestly don’t remember a lot of my childhood Halloween costumes, but a few stand out. My [...]
The Best Map of the US #2
Time for another map of the US. This one was submitted by John after three beers: There’s an artistic simplicity here. It looks like John drew the outline of the map without lifting his pen off the paper, which is an achievement upon itself. Aside from the odd little peninsula up near Massachusetts, I’m more curious about [...]
The Best Map of the US #1
A month ago, I asked readers to submit hand-drawn maps of the US…that they drew while intoxicated. Yeah, I haven’t heard from anyone about that. I did, however, receive the contribution below (drawn on Microsoft Paint by fellow blogger Lorena while sober). Look below the drawing for analysis and info about how you can contribute a [...]
Prank Wars
As I’ve written about before, I love a good prank. Some sleight of hand where you have someone thinking one thing while something else is going on. Something that doesn’t offend or inconvenience the target, but it fools them for some amount of time. Thus it’s no surprise that I love College Humor’s Prank Wars. [...]
Stop Here on Red?
Today I got stuck behind a car that stopped in front of a road sign that read “Stop Here on Red” and did not continue to turn. No big deal. Road signs can be misinterpreted. And for all I know, I don’t know what that sign means. In my book, “Stop Here on Red,” means, [...]
The Roast
A friend of mine and fellow blogger, Harley May, occasionally roasts author friends of hers. She’s absolutely hilarious, and recently she graciously agreed to roast me as well. She used the photo that as use in the header of my blog to write a hilarious blog entry about a day in the life of Jamey [...]
Two Phrases to Phase Out
“What do I look like–chopped liver?” When people use this expression, they’re trying to say that you’re not giving them the attention or credit they deserve. It’s true that chopped liver deserves no attention or credit–it’s disgusting. But who looks like chopped liver?! Much less, why would you make people consider the possibility that you [...]
The Nap Story
I don’t know how to tell this story the best way. I’ll tell it the only way I know how. Also, I feel like I’ve told it on the blog before, but I searched for it and couldn’t find it, so here it is. I’ve told a few stories on this blog about the time [...]
Back on the Bandwagon
I’d like to propose a change of meaning for the expression “back on the bandwagon.” As it stands, if you’re on the bandwagon, you’re alcohol-free. If you’re off the bandwagon, you’re drinking to your heart’s desire. But this doesn’t make sense to me. Imagine a bandwagon rolling through town. The band is on the wagon. [...]
My Favorite Tweets
On Twitter, you have the capability of saving your favorite tweets. I rarely remember to do this, and when I do, it’s most often something I’ve written that cracks me up or an interesting link I’ve stumbled upon. If you want the full list (especially the cool links, none of which I’ll post here), click [...]
Twin Day
Four years ago at the publishing project management company I used to work for, my coworkers and I were enjoying lunch together in the meeting room (it was a small office). Halfway through my sandwich, I looked over at my coworker, Tracy, and realized that she and I were wearing similar outfits. “Hey, we match,” [...]
Two Things to Do If You’re Bored
If you want to laugh out loud, read the following two excerpts from David Cross’s book, “I Drink for a Reason.” These are a few of his suggestions of things to do when you’re bored. “When an employee at a store (the Gap, or anywhere where you are hounded as soon as you enter by [...]
