Today I’d like to add a third person to that list: My mother, Margot Stegmaier.

The metric for success I created when I started this series says that true success in a particular area of your life comes with an embodiment of the following traits:

1. Courage
2. Action-Oriented
3. Focus
4. Devotion
5. Patience
6. Passion
7. Absorbent

I bet you look at your own mother and see a lot of the same traits too.

To write this entry, I enlisted the help of the three other people who have experienced my mother as closely as I have: my brother, sister, and father. I’ll share their perspective on my mom’s success as a mother and then get to mine

Dad

Mom had an early introduction to motherhood that began when she herself was a mere child. As the oldest girl in a large family, her own mom, as was the practice of the day, placed her in the roll of caring for younger siblings. This is roughly the equivalent of sentencing someone to ten years of confinement to a bedbug-and flea-infested mud hut. I speak from experience, because that is how Uncle Frank and I tried to make Aunt Anne feel whenever we were left in her charge.

Nonetheless, I recall observing Mom when I first knew her, during that time at Catholic University when she was still doing her best to avoid me, as she worked with a bunch of D.C. kids in a big brother/sister program. Most of the college students were clueless and the kids were out of control. Until Mom stepped in. She employed a masterful blend of firmness and soft touch to which the kids responded easily, and soon bedlam gave in to military precision.

Seeing how well Mom worked with kids was the second thing that really made her attractive to me. A few years later we were preparing for marriage and the question came up about children. Five sounded like a good number for us. Having come from families of eight and six kids, mom and I saw advantages and disadvantages of lots of kids, but I don’t recall the reasoning that led to the number five. Of course, the plan was subject to change.

Being good Catholics, we were always open to children, but nature has a way of rearranging lives. When Fr. Tom asked us, three years into our marriage, if we would be interested in adopting a child, the responsible thoughtfulness we attempted to display could barely cloak the thrill, anticipation, and excited anxiety we felt.

Mom tells the story of our waiting for Jamey better than I could, but I recall KNOWING that she both wanted children and would be a great mom, even as, in true mom fashion, she kept asking, “Are we sure we want to do this? Do we really know what we’re doing? What if we (fill in the blank with any parental failure)?” And the ever present “Are you really going to be there to help when I need you?” The questions, however, ultimately faded in the endless focus on preparing for the baby’s arrival.

When mom first held that baby in her arms, she stood a mile deep in an ocean of passion for motherhood. Where did that come from? Where do oceans come from? She could never again imagine a world without it.

Brother

Mom’s never-tiring love has been a part of my life since the earliest memories. I literally have no knowledge or experience of a time when I was without it–no matter how far away I travelled or whatever adventure I was immersed in. It was always something so beyond questioning or doubting that it didn’t really need to be thought about. Of course, as I’ve gotten older, its become more apparent to me what is involved in being a good mother–and how rare and attention-worthy excellent mothers like mine are.

For example, when you start living on your own in the “real world,” you realize exactly how much effort and sacrifice are required to prepare quality meals for yourself–much less for a family. Yet this has always been one of the unquestioned assumptions in our family–that we would all sit down, together, over something wholesome (and, with the exception of zuchinni, delicious) and share dinner. Making this happen day in, day out, was mom. Growing up, it didn’t seem at all unusual, because it was so constant. It was as if there was some super-human force standing behind it all, keeping us all together. The experience growing up in a household ordered by this super-human woman–and her love–provides a backdrop for my whole life, something that hovers behind and above me, all the time.

Sister

I am getting married in less than two months. I have a job that keeps me busy during the day, and sometimes in the evenings and on weekends. Mom and my fiance have therefore done much of the planning for it. Many people say that MOBs (mother-of-the-bride) either relive their weddings or redo their weddings when their daughters are engaged. Mom has done neither.

Her wedding was different than mine will be in many ways. She was 22 and kept things very simple: she did her own hair and makeup, had no special bouquet for her wedding portrait and did not send save-the-dates. (Did anyone send save-the-dates in 1977??) I also think her parents had enormous influence over the kind of reception she had. Frankly, I think Mom’s opinions about her reception were often overridden by her parents.

That said, Mom has thrown herself into planning a wedding FOR ME. She considers my opinions and listens to my preferences before she signs the florist contract or orders bubbles for the send-off.

Don’t get me wrong–if Mom could redo or relive her wedding I think she would be tempted. For example, a part of her might have wished she had altered her mom’s wedding gown for her wedding. I am wearing the same dress that she and my grandma wore, but, unlike me, my mom did not hire a seamstress to adapt the dress fit “her” style and tastes. What’s amazing about Mom is that she is really good at actively suppressing these desires to redo her wedding. This is selflessness in its purest form. I guess this is a mother’s love, although no one but Mom could love me like this.

Me

I think the vast majority of the ways that mothers impact their children is simply by the way they run the house.

My sister, my Aunt Anne, Mom, and Grandma.

Whenever I go home to visit my parents as an adult, Mom will inevitably say, “I can’t believe I never taught you ____.” Almost always it’s something home related, like cooking or cleaning or sewing.

But the truth is, I know how to do all of those things. Mom does them better, so I yield to her when I’m home, but thanks to her, I’m completely comfortable in the kitchen. I arrived at college knowing how to do my laundry and repair clothes and make smart financial decisions.

Mom didn’t have to sit me down and hold an official lesson on how to cook, for example. Instead, she included my siblings and me whenever she cooked, and we learned by osmosis over time. I think this is one of the greatest gifts that Mom gave us.

It’s been really interesting to learn by my mother’s example as an adult. The lessons are different. They’re no longer about how to run a home (except when I’m at home). They’re about how to stay committed to someone for life. They’re about how to reach out to those you love even when they live thousands of miles away. They’re about making tough choices to improve yourself as a person and continue to grow.

Perhaps the most special long-distance lesson I’ve learned from my mother is the way that she interacts with her own mom, who is now 88. Grandma is physically healthy, but her mind wavers between sharp and forgetful.

Mom spends a lot of time and energy on Grandma. In a way, she has slipped out of the daughter role and into the mother role with her. It’s been incredibly inspiring to see how she takes care of Grandma. I can only hope that I am even half as compassionate and patient with my mom when she gets old as she is with her mother.

***

Mom, I hope you know the huge success you’ve achieved as a mother. Thank you for the lessons you meant to teach me and the ones you didn’t know you were teaching. Thank you for our weekly chats. Thank you for your endless support. Thank you for letting me go when I felt the need to go to college out of state, for going to all my soccer games growing up, for helping me learn Japanese when you didn’t know a thing about the language. Thank you for the cool hand on my forehead when I had migraines, and thank you for scheduling playdates for your introverted son. I needed that.

Most of all, thank you for choosing to be my mother. Motherhood is a choice, for biological kids like my brother and sister, and for non-biological kids like me. Thank you for giving me a life, a family, and many years of love.

Happy Mother’s Day.

Love,

Jamey

Famous Introvert #1

I’m an introvert. Myers-Briggs tells me that I’m a very low introvert, but I think that’s because I’ve learned to cope with some social situations. Otherwise I fully embrace my introversion.

How do you know if you’re an introvert? If you are deflated by being around lots of people, you’re an introvert. If you’re energized by being alone, you’re an introvert. If you can be by yourself and not feel alone, you’re probably an introvert. It doesn’t mean that introverts don’t enjoy being around people sometimes, and it doesn’t mean that extroverts don’t need some alone time, but think about the next three nights: Would you rather spend them alone or with groups of people? Therein lies your answer.

Even though introverts prefer alone time or small-group discussions with no small talk, there are times when it’s important that introverts attend large social events. Happy hours, parties, conferences, mixers, etc. And what do we do? All too often we simply don’t attend. We dread these events and know we won’t have fun, and we’re probably right.

But sometimes we need to attend such events to advance our career, our social life, or our networks. Thus I’ve been working on a list of ways to help make these events easier for us introverts to attend. I hope it helps, and if you have any specific tips to add, please add them in the comments.

1. 

   Famous Introvert #2

   Come prepared with two conversation starters and one great story. Some default conversation starters of mine are pets, travel, food/restaurants, sports, and weekend activities. They generally get people talking, which takes the pressure off you. But you should also be prepared with one really good story to tell. Something inclusive, funny, and recent. Don’t wait until the party to think of the story–come prepared with it.

2. Wear a conversation topic. Conversation isn’t the issue here–conversational ability has nothing to do with being an introvert or extrovert. However, one key area in which introverts struggle is initiating conversation. So make it easier for people to approach you by wearing a conversation topic. Whether it’s a funny statement on your name tag, a school mascot on a tie, a distinct skirt or shirt, carefully choose what you wear to social events so people have a great excuse to approach you.
3. BYOE (Bring Your Own Extrovert). You don’t have to attend these events alone. If you’re single like me, that can sometimes be a struggle, but here’s the thing: We all have extroverted friends, and they love social events. You’re not inconveniencing them by inviting them along.
4. Find a job to do. When an introvert scans a crowd, he sees a lot of people having a great time who are completely uninterested in talking to him. We know it’s not true, but it’s what we see and feel in that moment. So instead of standing there feeling helpless, empower yourself by finding a way to help out with the party. That’s a good way to break the ice of entering a social event, which is probably the thing I dread most. (If it’s not an event where you’re able to help, head for the bar. It’s not the alcohol that matters all that much–it’s the sanctity of having a defined destination in a room full of variables.)
5. Find an extrovert you know and get them talking. I’ve done this countless times at open houses and holiday parties at work. Whenever I need a break from the energy suck of small talk, I find a talkative extrovert and ask them a few questions. 10 minutes later, I’m recharged and ready for more small talk.
6. 

   Famous Introvert #3

   Find an introvert and engage them. You’re never the only introvert at a gathering. When you enter a room, look for the people standing by themselves. They might be over near the food. Chat with them for a little bit, but beware of the clingy introvert. You don’t want to be stuck talking to the same person the whole night if you’re trying to get something out of the social event.

7. Think of yourself as the host. Step away from your anxiety and apprehension by giving yourself the mission of making sure other people have a good time. One easy way to do this is introduce people to one another.
8. Power pose. Simply holding your body in expansive, “high-power” poses–such as standing with legs spread and hands on hips–for as little as 2 minutes stimulates higher levels of testosterone and lower levels of cortisol. Physiologically, you will feel more confident and powerful standing in that position. You’ll need that confidence boost at a social event.
9. Take a bathroom break. Even when a social event is going really well, an introvert’s energy is slowly draining the entire time. So about an hour and a half into an event, take a bathroom break to recharge. Soak in the solitude for a few minutes and return the the event with renewed vigor.
10. Reward yourself. This is a little behavioral economics trick. Identify a few things you love and only let yourself have them after you take the risk of attending a social event. Not only will you attend more events if you stick to it, but you’ll begin to associate the positive feelings you have for the treats with social events in general.

And yet many people–among them a number of managers–get it backwards.

We criticize our peers in front of others so that we can feel powerful. We may not realize it, but we do. Maybe it’s a know-it-all comment about a friend’s misuse of grammar in a small group. Maybe it’s a snide remark at your spouse’s expense at a dinner party. Or maybe it’s a critical statement about an employee’s work at a staff meeting.

You could have just as easily waited for the group to disperse or the dinner party to end or the meeting to adjourn. But no, you chose that moment to come across as intelligent, witty, or authoritative. You pushed compassion aside and felt powerful for a few minutes.

Let’s all agree to stop doing this.

Unfortunately, all too often we praise people in private instead of in front of their peers. Perhaps we feel like we’re losing power when we do that, or maybe we’re just not accustomed to praising people at all. Which is really unfortunate.

The next time you catch yourself criticizing publicly or praising privately (or not at all, even though praise is deserved), hold your tongue. You can be a better person than that.

This doesn’t mean you can’t be a powerful person. But if you want honest, moral power that lasts, do it by being really good at what you do. Do it by being articulate and an effective listener. Do it by mediating and preventing conflict. Do it by criticizing people one-on-one so that they have a chance to grow, and do it by praising people publicly so that they have their accomplishments affirmed.

When was the last time you were criticized publicly? How did it feel?

Cats need desks too.

One interview question that I used to ask to applicants was, “What does your desk at work look like?”

I didn’t put a lot of weight in the answer (hence my omission of that question from more recent interviews), but my theory was that a person’s desk is reflective of the way he works. If your desk is organized, the person is probably organized. The opposite is true if a person keeps a messy desk. Thus I would slightly prefer someone who keeps their desk organized.

A recent article didn’t exactly confirm my theory, but it did affirm the idea that having a clean desk is better. The problem is that physical clutter impedes a person’s ability to focus. This makes perfect sense. If your desk is covered in hundreds of papers and sticky notes and gadgets, the distractions get in the way of your productivity and creativity even if you don’t notice it.

Here’s a snippet from the article:

The researchers used functional magnetic resonance imaging (fMRI) and other physiological measurement tools to map the brain’s responses to organized and disorganized stimuli and to monitor task performance. The conclusions were strong — if you want to focus to the best of your ability and process information as effectively as possible, you need to clear the clutter from your home and work environment. This research shows that you will be less irritable, more productive, distracted less often, and able to process information better with an uncluttered and organized home and office.

Naturally, I keep a very tidy desk–maybe 8 out of 10 on a sliding scale of tidiness at work and 7.5/10 at home due to a stack of notes and the cats. What about you?

It would be inappropriate for me to go into details, but basically, a coworker and I disagreed about a certain type of publicity we were doing. I thought the existing Option A was the right way to go, and my coworker thought that the new Option B was better. We were at an impasse.

Sometimes it takes an extreme reaction to snap out of a bad situation. It suddenly hit me that I was raising my voice. I rarely raise my voice, even in the most heated of arguments.

The second I realized I was raising my voice, I snapped out of it. I realized: This is not a big deal. This is not a life or death, make or break situation (very few situations are). Absolutely nothing would be lost in trying out my coworker’s idea.

So I turned to my coworker and said, “Let’s try it. I don’t agree with you, but let’s try your idea for a few weeks. We’ll see how it works out, and if it doesn’t, we’ll switch back to Option A.”

Instantly the air was cleared, and we switched to Option B.

Sometimes we’re so caught up in the idea of how right we are that we shut out the mere possibility that there might be a better idea. Whether it’s ego or conviction or control, we all have this thing inside of us that says “no” all too quickly.

Here’s the kicker: You’re probably right, and the other person is probably wrong. But is it really worth fighting over? Is the world going to end if you try out their idea for a little bit? 99% of the time, everything’s going to be fine. And if they really are wrong, the only way they’re going to realize it is if they get to try out their idea.

When is the last time that you saw something like this happen?

Over the past few months, I’ve seen the number of varied requests for my feedback increase significantly. Why? I’m not sure. Maybe because I’m putting the offer out there more often.

I’ve given people feedback on relationships and dating, on applications and resumes, on online dating profiles, on blogs and novels, on event planning and fundraising. For many of those, I spend hours offering advice or even completely rewriting documents for the person. I genuinely enjoy sharing my thoughts and (hopefully) helping people, so if any of those apply to you, feel free to email me at jamey.stegmaier@gmail.com.

That said, as much as I enjoy giving feedback, I’ve noticed a few patterns that I have a feeling are quite common in the world of feedback and advice. So I’d like to propose three universal rules for asking for and receiving feedback:

1. 

   Dude, I applaud that you embrace your dorkiness and don't hide it, but you need to ask for feedback about your online dating profile.

   Decide if You Want Feedback or Just Someone to Listen: This is a really important distinction to figure out and communicate before you go to someone for advice. If you’re not ready to act on feedback you receive, don’t ask for it. Just tell the person that you need someone to listen to you. I actually wonder about this a lot when people ask me for help on their online dating profile. Do you really want my advice, or do you just need to vent for a minute about how frustrating dating can be? You taking 3 seconds to figure out what you want can save me 30 minutes of rewriting your personal summary.

2. Report Back to the Feedbacker. When you ask someone for feedback, you’re under no obligation to follow their advice, but you do need to follow up with them afterwards to let them know which parts of the advice you used and how it went. This lets the feedbacker know that the time they spent was worth it, and it gives them the opportunity to learn from your experience. I’d say that 90% of the time, I never hear back from someone after I give them feedback. I’ve found that I’m no better at this than anyone else, but I’m aware of it, and I’m working on it. It’s the same level of courtesy as sending a thank-you note.
3. If You Choose Not to Follow Their Feedback the First Time and Your Solution Doesn’t Work, Try Their Solution. Just do it. Try it. If you value the person’s time and advice, follow their feedback and see if it works. Then report back to them. And if you asked that person just to listen to you the first time, the next time you go to them about the same situation, it’s time for you to ask for their advice and to act on it. Friends are not therapists.

What’s your experience with giving and receiving advice? In which areas do you feel that you give particularly good feedback?

At Knowledge is Power Program, a network of 109 charter schools in 20 states and the District of Columbia, middle school students are rewarded for good behavior with a weekly incentive “paycheck” — fake money that can be redeemed at the school store or used to defray the cost of field trip.

According to the schools, both systems work. And it’s true–both negative and positive reinforcement can work. But given the choice between the two, I will always choose the latter.

One of several awkward photos of myself in high school that I could have submitted to the Tournament.

Thus when I read about a new web app and WordPress plugin called PunchTab the other day, I had to have it. If you’re reading this blog on the web (opposed to an e-mail or Google Reader), you probably see a ribbon in the bottom left of the page that says “Rewards” and a little tab that says “Badges.” You’ve probably even been prompted to sign up to receive points.

So yes, basically, the mythical “Jamey Points” are now a real thing.

What does this mean for you? If you don’t care about points or don’t have a Facebook account, it means nothing. You can continue reading (and hopefully commenting from time to time) as normal.

But for the rest of you, I think this might be really cool. You get points for doing what you already do on this blog–reading, commenting, Liking–and now there’s a way for me to reward you for coming back day after day. Most of those actions net you 100 points every time. Because when you reach certain milestones, I’m going to give you things. Here’s what I have so far:

1000 points: I’ll include a shout-out or mention of you or your blog on my blog.

2500 points: I’ll write a blog entry on a topic of your choice.

5000 points: You can write a guest entry on a topic of your choice.

??? points: Help me out here. I want some really cool things that aren’t all centered around the blog. I’d be happy to include reward levels like, “I’ll grab a root beer float with you,” but I don’t want to presume that you want to hang out with me. It also might be weird.

Don't Like my Facebook page for me. Like it for my cat.

Overall, I’m not looking to change your behavior–I don’t want you to read or comment or Like for the sake of getting points. I want you to do those things because you’re compelled to do so independent of points.

Also, I want to continue to find ways to make it easier for you to know when I write a new blog entry. Not everyone loves Google Reader as much as I do. PunchTab links to Facebook pages, so I created a Facebook page for jameystegmaier.com. You should Like my page. However, I do want to point out a few things, because the whole idea of having a page for myself is a little odd to me. You should know this:

• I am not famous. Nor am I particularly clever or special. I’m just a dude who consistently writes a blog. I want to be very clear that I do not think that I’m some kind of a big deal Important Person who deserves to have a Facebook page all about me.
• The blog itself is also not a Big Deal on the Internet. It continues to grow, but let’s put this in perspective: The blog has gotten 20,000 page views the last month (as of about 4:00 today). That’s a record for me and my little passion project. But hugely popular blogs get 20,000 page views a day. Some even way more. I’d love for the blog to continue to grow. But I also like the kind of conversation that a blog fosters when you don’t have to weed through 500 one-line comments. I like that you (I mean you, the reader) can actually stand out from the pack when you take the time to comment on the blog. As a result, the comments are often the best part of these blog entries. Let’s keep it that way.
• I kind of wish I had originally named the blog something generic like Zabadee.com instead of My Name Dot Com. Mostly because it’s almost as if the blog can only be about Jamey Stegmaier, which is not my intention at all. I’ll see if I can figure out a solution for that.
• Again, I really want to emphasize that I’m not famous. I’m not a big deal. You’re a big deal. (See how I keep the focus on you instead of me? That’s what introverts do.)

As you can see, I’m all about positive reinforcement. I think it’s way better than having a system that punishes readers for not reading the blog every day. That seems terrible!

We all have these days. I don’t care how optimistic and carefree of a person you are–every once in a while you’re going to have a rough, stressful day at the office. I’d say I have about 6 of these a year.

This guy knows what I'm talking about.

Here’s what I do when I have one of those days:

1. If it’s a day when I can play pick-up soccer after work, I do everything possible to make that happen. Different forms of exercise might work for different people, and that’s the one that does it for me.
2. After work, I call one of my funniest friends and chat for about 15-20 minutes. I don’t vent, I don’t complain, I just laugh and joke around.

I’m sure everyone has some sort of physical outlet like #1. But #2 is more nuanced–I mean precisely what I say there, for several different reasons:

• As Emma over at Laughter in the Lou will tell you, laughter literally is the best medicine (okay, maybe penicillin is the best medicine. But laughter is pretty awesome too). It feels good to laugh. It relieves stress. It gets your mind off of whatever was bothering you.
• It’s key that you share this laughter with someone. Watching a funny YouTube video is nice, but you will never feel funny because you watch a funny YouTube video. Choose a friend who makes you funnier than you usually are, and you’ll walk away with the satisfaction of making someone else laugh.
• A recent study showed that you actually feel significantly better after a rough day if you distract yourself (or let someone else distract you) instead of venting. This may seem counterintuitive, like you’re avoiding the issue, but it’s scientific! It must be true. I think if there’s something that happened at work that you truly need to process, wait until after the stress is off your shoulders to deal with it in a healthy, productive way. For now, just distract yourself with laughter.

I’m sure there are many other ways to relieve yourself of the stress of a bad day at work. What do you recommend?

Last month, after spending quite a bit of time determining the common traits of truly successful people in some area of their lives, I featured John Donovan’s story about health.

This month I’d like to feature another friend of mine, someone who I greatly admire for taking a huge risk and finding a way to make it pay off: Eric Silverstein of The Peached Tortilla in Austin, Texas.

I’m going to talk about how Eric embodies the following 7 traits when it comes to entrepreneurship:

1. Courageous
2. Action-Oriented
3. Focused
4. Devoted
5. Patient
6. Passionate
7. Absorbent

Just a little back story: I met Eric around 2004, maybe 2005, through another friend. We got to know each other through our passion for sports, women, and entrepreneurship. And over the years, I realized how much Eric loved food. He’s an excellent cook. So when he started sharing his concept for taking his love of food to the next level, it made perfect sense that he would actually do something about it. Here’s his story, encapsulated by the 7 Pillars. I’m using Eric’s words because his personality comes across really well in the interview, and I’ll follow with commentary in italics.

The Story of The Peached Tortilla 

In early 2009 I had an idea for a modern taco concept that nobody had yet created. At that time, Korean tacos were exploding in LA at the Kogi food truck. This was before Kogi had become a national brand. Also, when I had visited Atlanta, I noticed a a couple of popular restaurants incorporating Southern flavors into tacos. My idea was to incorporate both Asian and Southern flavors into a gourmet taco, fast casual concept. I wanted to put my own unique twist into it, using a lot of flavors that I had grown up eating. I drafted a business plan over the course of 5-6 months, and then in November 2010 started trying to raise money. After spending over 6-8 months raising capital, I decided to start with a food truck with the long term goal of opening a restaurant.

There’s not a whole lot I don’t do when running The Peached Tortilla. When I first started, I did literally everything. I did all the purchasing, payroll, social media, scheduling, day to day operations, bookings, etc. Now, I have taken myself out of the truck and have two managers running my day-to-day operation. I spend the majority of my time focusing on clients, ways to grow the concept, and marketing.

The Peached Tortilla currently has a 4-star rating on Yelp from 117 reviews.

Courageous

I gave up everything to start TPT.  I gave up a six figure job as a lawyer.  I gave up a salary for a year, health insurance, 401K benefits, all my favorite sports teams.  Not to mention all the money I invested into TPT.  You name it.  The only thing I didn’t give up was my girlfriend, my family, and my close friends.

I stood to lose a lot, the largest of which was my reputation.  I didn’t want to be known as the entrepreneur that failed (even though plenty fail).  I felt like people would have looked at me differently if I was the guy who took the leap and fell on his face.

You have to understand something about this when you read that Eric gave up sports. I mean, the job is obvious–he gave up a very secure, high-paying job. But he didn’t do so irresponsibly. He had a plan, he had investors, and he had saved up a lot of money. But sports…Eric used to watch every Atlanta Hawks game, every Atlanta Falcons game, and he spent quite a bit of time on fantasy baseball. If you’re a guy or a sports fan, think how big of a sacrifice it would be to simply give it all up for a bigger dream.

Action-Oriented

I asked Eric for the 3 things that took the most time and effort to learn. His response:

1. Staffing: it’s very hard to find loyal, competent employees and it has taken me a year to find a strong team.
2. Branding: Your brand is not built in a day, a week or a month.  It takes thousands of people to taste your food and hundreds of small and large events to get your name out there. You have to chisel away.
3. Finding Locations: In Austin, you can’t park your food truck on the street – it has to be on private property.  I have learned that it takes a great network for an operator to tap into the best locations for lunch and dinner service. 
   

Focused

When starting a new business, you’re going to hit an innumerable number of roadblocks. If you’re able to stay focused on the goal and keep going, you have a fighting chances. As Eric puts it:

The entire first year was a roadblock.  In April I was ready to throw in the towel.  I felt like people who I trusted took a dump on me.  I had staff steal from me.  I really felt like I had been kicked to the curb and was depressed at where I was in the process.  I went to sleep one night telling my girlfriend that I was done with the business; and I meant it.  I was ready to put in my 30-day notice to terminate my truck lease.

I never imagined it would be this hard; and I hated talking about it because I put myself in this position.  I was the one who wanted to open the business.

Things have gotten better incrementally since that month.  We won Eater Austin’s Food Truck of the Year for 2011.  We were Austin’s representative at the San Francisco Street Food Festival, cooking next to other out-of-city vendors like Seattle’s Skillet.  Long term, I want walls.  I want a restaurant.  I want to realize my dream from 3 years ago.

Devoted

Staffing is problematic.  I have learned that most people in this industry don’t have much respect for their potential employer.  The modern day hourly employee will quit on a dime without any notice.  Sometimes they won’t even show up for a scheduled interview (this has happened at least 6 times).  There is a severe lack of work ethic.  The more effort I have to spend on staffing, the more it takes my time away from doing things that will make the business more profitable.

Although staffing isn’t a problem in every industry, if you’re starting a new business, you’re going to run into at least one consistent, extremely annoying inconvenience that gets in the way of optimization. But you have to stick with it. The Peached Tortilla doesn’t work without a staff, so although Eric has to commit extra energy to finding good people, he knows it’s worth it.

Patient

It takes time to grow your brand.  Some restaurants explode on the scene, others grow steadily.  David Chang’s original noodle bar was a disaster at first but then he blew up on the scene.  For TPT, it has been a slow and steady ascent.  I never felt like we exploded suddenly.  I feel like all restaurant brands need to give themselves at least a year, if not more, for them to steadily establish themselves.

You can’t go into a startup thinking you’re going to be an overnight success. In fact, with that attitude you’re just setting yourself up for disappointment.

Passionate

My love of food was shaped by my childhood in Asia and my family.  In other parts of the world, it is less about how big your house is or how many cars you have, and more about great food and great company.  I really do embrace that.

Absorbent

My theory is that you have to constantly be absorbing and applying new knowledge to be a success. No food truck is an island.

I have learned a ton about mobile food over the past year and a half.  But I would stress that each market is different.  LA is different than New York which is different from Austin.  I overestimated the volume you could do in Austin for lunch.  Austin, even with a fairly large downtown workforce, does not boast a very dense population, which hurts food trucks.  Not to mention, there are over 2,000 permitted mobile food vendors.  Also, the parking laws really limit you in Austin.  Austin does not have the population of LA and New York.  I have learned to focus on other revenue streams to help us maintain profitability.

***

Everybody has a dream job. It might change over time, or maybe you have several. Whenever you think of a new dream job, read through these pillars and ask yourself honestly if you have what it takes to be a success in that position or that startup. It’s okay if you don’t–you can always have new dreams. But if you truly embody these traits when it comes to that dream, plan it and execute it. It might be the most satisfying–and successful–thing you’ll ever do.

Thanks, Eric, for sharing your story. I’m in awe of what you do, and I’m jealous of everyone in Austin who gets to eat at The Peached Tortilla.

For the past few months, I’ve been trying to formulate the common traits that successful people seem to embody regardless of the type of success. I think I have them figured out, and there are seven of them.

In this new series on the blog, I’m going to tell the stories of people (some who I know well, others who I don’t) who I consider highly successful in some area of their life, and I’m going to go through each of the seven traits for those people. I think we all have a lot to learn from these people. (If you have anyone you’d like to recommend for this series, please contact me at jamey.stegmaier@gmail.com.)

The John Donovan Story

In a way, John inspired this series. He’s a friend of mine who has gone through an incredible and inspiring physical transformation over the last year, and his story is worth sharing. Here’s John a year ago (this was taken before a year ago, but this is how he looked a year ago):

I’ve known John for about 8 years, and this is how I’ve always known him in terms of looks. Beyond that, John is quick-witted, extremely loyal, and an truly good-hearted person. His family’s heritage is Irish, and John embraces that heritage well beyond St. Patrick’s Day.

Here’s what John looks like today:

Again, this is about more than looks, but I wanted to start off with the physical transformation. Now let’s tell John’s story through the seven traits I mentioned above.

Courageous: It takes a lot of courage to admit to yourself that you aren’t who you want to be. A person can either structure their life around their limitations, or they can take control of their limitations and build the life they want. John is the latter type of person.

Even at 271 pounds, John wasn’t unhealthy in that he gorged on mountains of junk food.  But in retrospect, he realizes that he didn’t understand the relationship between the food that he ate and the shape of his body.  His physical activity was social, including some club sports.  But the recreational drinking associated with these clubs nullified much of the physical benefits of his activity.

But nonetheless, here he was, 6 months from his 30th birthday, and John knew he was overweight at 271 pounds. How did he know? Part of it was his big-picture perspective that his body and his lifestyle had shaped his body into something that was limited in the tasks it could perform. As John said in our interview, “[When playing pickup sports], usually I’d play a position that didn’t require me to run quickly or for an extended period. I didn’t want to set world records for speed. But I did want to be able to fly comfortably in an economy seat.”

The kicker came last January when John sat down on a friend’s porch swing and tore it right out of ceiling from which it was suspended. John could have blamed the ceiling or the swing, but instead he had the courage to realize that he was ready to make a change.

Action Oriented: Anyone can come up with a great idea or dream big. Successful people actually act on those ideas and dreams. And they don’t act a year from now or a month from now–they act today.

It’s worth mentioning that people can be action oriented in selective parts of their life, rather than their life as a whole.  John didn’t get a promotion and increase his net worth at the same time that he decided to go through this physical transformation. But he decided that action needed to be taken to improve himself physically.

John had tried to lose weight in the past and had been somewhat successful, but he hadn’t been able to keep off that weight. He knew he had to do something different this time.

So he called a gym and set up an appointment with weight-loss coach Charles D’Angelo. Charles had come highly recommended by a friend whose diabetic father had lost 100 pounds in the past year thanks to Charles’ guidance.

John says that aside from consulting with a coach, getting a gym membership this time was a big step. It was a new commitment, a key action in process of getting healthy. I doubt John will ever forget his first workout after getting guidance from Charles. Here’s a photo from right afterwards:

Focused: Early on, John set a goal and stuck with it. He wanted to weigh 200 pounds on his 30th birthday. John never took his sights off that goal, but he helped motivate himself with smaller goals. He had a new target weigh every 2 weeks.

Setting these smaller goals that would pave the way to achieving the overall goal is very important to this process.  Failing to meet one smaller goal was not catastrophic.   But failing to meet a few small goals over time meant a trend, and that new action would be needed to get back on track.

Devoted: Being focused is about the vision. Being devoted involves a willingness to carry out that vision, no matter the sacrifice. It’s a mindset that can be extremely difficult to achieve, but I think that’s simply how John’s brain works. He’s a creature of habit. So when he focused on his goals, he was devoted to the task at hand by sticking to the rules and guidelines that his coach gave him.

In a vacuum, devotion is a lot easier than real life. Without distractions, you could work out all day (think prison). But John wasn’t attempting his transformation in a vacuum. He had to deal with the challenges of seeing his friends go out for drinks or to a restaurant or seeing coworkers chow down on birthday cake every few days.

And yet John stayed utterly devoted to achieving his goals. I honestly don’t know if this is an innate trait or one that you can adopt–I think John is one of the fortunate few who have it in their DNA.

Patient: You can’t expect meaningful results overnight, not with anything. When you launch a new business, you’re not going to be a millionaire overnight. When you get married, you won’t have the perfect marriage from day 1. The same happens when you try to transform your health–it takes time.

Because there wasn’t much of a learning curve for John, it wasn’t long before he saw results. He lost 15 lbs in the first two weeks.  But every week didn’t see the same results.  He stayed focused and devoted to his goals whether nine pounds or four pounds.

Passionate: Passion doesn’t just ignite new projects and goals. In fact, a lot of people have that type of passion. Think about the last time you got excited about something big and didn’t follow through? I do that all the time.

The type of passion that truly successful people have is lasting passion. John has it. He reached his goal of 200 pounds in late May, but he still saw some things that he wanted to work on. He had the passion to keep going, to continue to move towards optimal health.

I’ve heard from a lot of people that one of the hardest things about losing weight is maintaining a healthy body after you’re reached your goal. John’s been working on that for over three months now, and he says he’s still learning. He says he’s like a colt talking his first steps in his new body.

And he’s not done. This surprised and really impressed me (it’s from the interview). John said, “I’ve never run a mile. So I’d like to run a 5K around April.” Becoming successful isn’t a one-time deal if you truly have that passion for the heart of what you’re trying to do.

Absorbent: The final category has to do with one’s willingness to absorb and remain open to new information. It takes a special talent to truly do this.

Honestly, I went into the interview with John with a goal in mind–after seeing what John did, I wanted to spread the message that anyone can make a significant change in their life merely by putting in the time and energy.

I no longer think that’s true.

I think that John is the type of person who can put his mind to something, stick with it, and achieve results. I don’t think everyone is like that. I think the key is that John opened himself up to new possibilities that he had never considered before. I’ve seen this absorbent nature in John for more than just becoming healthy–he embraces knowledge in many areas of his life.

As John says, “I didn’t use a quick fix, but that doesn’t mean there aren’t any out there, especially if you only want to drop 10 or 15 pounds. But there is value in sweat equity. Because I had to sacrifice to get it, I think I value the change more than if I had taken a magic pill.”

I think that sums up the difference between John and most other people. And I don’t mean to slight or discourage the general populace. But think about one thing in your life you’d like to significantly change, whether it be your health, your wealth, your relationship status, anything. Would you rather work  at that thing for the next 6-12 months, putting in a ton of time or energy, or would you swallow the magic pill if you could achieve your goal instantly without any effort? I know I’d take the magic pill for most things.

But I also know that I wouldn’t take the magic pill for a few specific things, and that’s a sign that those are the things that I might care enough about to actually succeed in. I think that’s a good meter of success.

John, you’ve inspired and impressed me. Thank you for sharing your story with me and my readers, and I look forward to seeing your other successes–health and otherwise–in the future.