Your Greatest Fear #27: Trash-Talking After Butt-Dialing
Today’s guest blog is brought to you by blog visitor, beta reader extraordinaire, and Blank Slate Press selection committee member Ansley. She has a very specific fear to share with you today that I’m going to add to my coda of greatest fears. I have some pretty wacky fears. (Insert horse picture here.) (Insert clown [...]
My Greatest Fear #26: Pulling a “Memento”
If you haven’t seen the movie Memento, please stop reading and watch the movie. Back already? Good. In Memento, a character has a memory disorder that causes memories to fade after a few minutes. His wife realizes that he’s not faking the disorder when she asks him to administer her daily insulin shot time every few [...]
My Greatest Fear #25: The Key Breaking Off in the Lock
I have never had a key break off in the lock, and yet the possibility of it happening crosses my mind at least once a week. I’m not even sure why I think this is a thing that can happen. I’m sure it happened once in a movie I saw in my formative years (ages [...]
My Greatest Fear #24: Dropping a Baby
Over Christmas break, I went to see my good friend Bryce, his wife Jody, and their adorable baby Claire. At least, I think their baby is named Claire. At my age, everyone has a baby, and their names all run together. Let’s go with Claire, but it could just as easily be Felicity, Emily, or [...]
My Greatest Fear #23: Losing My Dry Cleaning Ticket
I took some pants to the dry cleaners last Wednesday, and I was given a pink pickup ticket for Friday evening. I’m sure you’ve done this before. If you’re like me, you guard that ticket with your life. I’ve played through the scenario in which I show up to pick up my dry cleaning without [...]
My Greatest Fear #22: Garbage Bins
Every week or so, I take a detour in my parking lot as I leave the building in the morning. I drag a trash bag full of cat poop, orange-mango-pineapple juice containers, and other assorted items to the garbage bin. I always make sure to put my keys in my pocket before taking this journey, [...]
My Greatest Fear #21: Chemical Explosions
Remember the original Batman movie? Back before Batman movies were good? In the movie, The Joker (Jack Nicholson, in a role that people called “not as good as Heath Ledger”) devises a plan to infect the chemicals in commonly used cosmetic products. If used alone, the products have no negative reaction. But when they’re combined, [...]
My Greatest Fear #20: Dead Arms
Have you ever woken up from a nap to find that you can’t feel one of your arms? Inevitably, your arm starts to tingle and it wakes up as circulation resumes. But what if it doesn’t wake up? What if it’s been without circulation for too long and it has died? These are the questions [...]
My Greatest Fear #19: Broken Glass in Restaurants
There’s something you should know about ordering drinks with ice at restaurants (that includes you, Liz Lemon, drinker of white wine Sprite spritzers on ice): You might be drinking shards of ice. True story. You see, when you send a waiter to fetch you a glass of water (especially if you say it as I [...]
My Greatest Fear #18: The Sky Is Falling
When I bought my Camry four years ago, I was delighted to find that it had a moonroof. “Perfect,” I thought. “Now I can drive through the country on summer nights with friends, admiring the star-filled sky through my moonroof.” That’s the dream, right? However, very rarely have I actually used the moonroof, much less [...]
My Greatest Fear #16
Fall is a time for face paint. Every week, thousands of college football fans paint their faces with their teams’ colors. NFL fans do the same. And in a few days, men and women around the country will smear on face and body paint. They’ll walk around looking creepy when they smile from the contrast [...]
My Greatest Fear #15
My Greatest Fear #15: Accidentally putting something on my toothbrush that is not toothpaste. And then trying to brush my teeth with it. Has this ever happened? No. Not once. Not to me, at least. But like any American, I have a number of random tubes of gels and ointments in my bathroom. There may [...]
My Greatest Fear #13: Unseen Spiders
Okay, I know spiders are a pretty common fear, unlike the rest of my unfounded paranoias. So I was never going to write about it. But something happened to me the other day that made me realize that it wasn’t spiders in general that scare me–if I see a spider on the wall, I dispose [...]
My Greatest Fear #12
The other day, a friend of mine needed to drop off some beer at my place on his way home. I walked outside as he pulled up in his car, realized that there was a tremendous storm happening, and sprinted the rest of the way until I was safe inside. Was it the rain that [...]
My Greatest Fear: Part 2
I’ve already discussed my first greatest fear: potato eyes. I haven’t conquered that fear. In fact, at this very moment, there’s a bag of potatoes in my fridge that may or may not be trying to kill me. I don’t know. I’m afraid to touch the bag, lest it reach out and grab me, so [...]
My Greatest Fear
I’ll be honest—I’m a wimp. I’m scared of pretty much everything. I’m afraid of being mugged. I’m paranoid about spiders nesting under my skin while I sleep. I’m constantly worried I have food in my front teeth. When driving in certain parts of town, I seriously think that I’m going to be carjacked while I’m [...]
