pet please

Pet Please #121: Discovering and Plucking an Unexpectedly Long Hair Growing on a Part of Your Body That Doesn’t Have Long Hair

This is my favorite. I am not a particularly hairy man. I’ll leave it at that–I think it’s best for the both of us that I don’t go into a detailed accounting of where my hair accumulates and where it’s sparse. The point is, every now and then I happen to look at a part […]


Pet Please #120: That Feeling You Get After You Fill Up Your Tank with Gas and Feel Like You Can Go Anywhere

Pet Please #120: That Feeling You Get After You Fill Up Your Tank with Gas and Feel Like You Can Go Anywhere

It’s all about the juxtaposition. A few days ago I was running low on gas. I go through only about a tank of month, meaning I only have to stop at a gas station about 12 times a year. That’s ideal, because I don’t really like stopping at gas stations. It’s an inconvenience, and I’m […]


Two Completely Unrelated Photos That Make Me Happy

Two Completely Unrelated Photos That Make Me Happy

These photos literally could not be less related, but they both make me happy, and they were both taken this week. The first is me holding my “niece,” Ella. I’m not really her uncle, but she’s my best friend’s daughter, and I’d take a bullet for her (and then have a serious conversation with the […]


Pet Please #118: The Raised Ridges on the F and J Keyboard Letters

Pet Please #118: The Raised Ridges on the F and J Keyboard Letters

Today is Thanksgiving, so it makes sense that my post would be a pet please. It’s a good day to reflect on the big things in my life that mean a lot to me, as well as the little things that make my life better. Lately one of my cats, Biddy, has found it very […]


Pet Please #117: Remembering All of the Things You Forgot to Add to Your Grocery List

Pet Please #117: Remembering All of the Things You Forgot to Add to Your Grocery List

Today I went to the grocery store with a very specific, short list: hair stuff carrots syringes (my cat has diabetes) instant breakfast (more on that in a future entry) Of course, the staples (milk, juice, baby spinach) were in my head. What I didn’t realize when I walked into the store, though, was that […]


Pet Please #116: YouTube’s New Cinematic Format

Pet Please #116: YouTube's New Cinematic Format

The first time, I barely noticed. I honestly have no idea when YouTube switched to their new format. I probably thought I had clicked a button to reformat the screen and that it would go away the next time. The second time, I liked what I saw, but again, I had my doubts that it […]


Pet Please #115: Tagged Signature Lines in Long Documents

Pet Please #115: Tagged Signature Lines in Long Documents

A few weeks ago I received my publishing contract. As with all contracts, I was a little daunted by the verbosity of it. My agent and I had already gone over it, but now I was faced with the prospect of signing it. I had that little moment of panic: What if I don’t sign […]


Pet Please #114: Unplanned Talk Show Anecdotes

Pet Please #114: Unplanned Talk Show Anecdotes

The other day I was surfing YouTube for videos of my new favorite actress, Tatiana Maslany of Orphan Black, and I stumbled upon a charming interview of her on Conan O’Brien. You can watch the interview here; this clip in particular is 2 minutes of Tatiana Maslany talking about a book of fairy tales she read when […]


Pet Please #113: When Boxers Try to Intimidate Each Other but Instead Look Like They’re Going to Kiss

Pet Please #113: When Boxers Try to Intimidate Each Other but Instead Look Like They're Going to Kiss

Every now and then I’ll pull up ESPN on a weekend night to see the homepage dominated by sports I don’t follow at all: boxing and UFC fighting. The photo is almost always the same: two huge, muscular dudes preparing to beat the crap out of each other in a stare-down before the fight. They’re […]


Pet Please #112: Red Lobster Cheddar Bay Biscuits

Pet Please #112: Red Lobster Cheddar Bay Biscuits

I don’t know where Cheddar Bay is, but I’d like to vacation there someday. In the meantime, I’ll rejoice in the fact that I can now make Cheddar Bay biscuits at home. (I’ve actually tried this a number of times and gotten close, but the mix was closer than anything I’ve put together.) Awesome!


Double Please

Double Please

Pet Please #110: Brushing Your Teeth After a Long Flight Even if you didn’t eat or drink anything since the last time you brushed your teeth, it feels SO good to brush your teeth after a long flight. Or any flight, for that matter. It might not be at the level of showering after a […]


Pet Please #109: Having Leftovers After Eating at a Restaurant

Pet Please #109: Having Leftovers After Eating at a Restaurant

One of my favorite things in the world are leftovers. When I was a kid, I used to eat dinner leftovers for breakfast and lunch. As an adult, when I cook, I love to have leftovers because it means I have homecooked food without having to cook again. Amazing. But we all know the best type of […]


Pet Please #107: Waking Up from a School Dream as an Adult

Pet Please #107: Waking Up from a School Dream as an Adult

The other night I had a dream in which I was an undergraduate student in college. The final exam in my Calculus class was coming up in 2 days, but I hadn’t studied for it at all. It wasn’t quite a nightmare, but it was still a tense, unsettling dream. Then I woke up. I […]


Pet Please/Pet Peeve #106: When You Get All Green Lights

Pet Please/Pet Peeve #106: When You Get All Green Lights

This is a weird one. Because typically when you’re driving, it’s great when you get all green lights, right? You never have to stop. Think about the fuel efficiency! Definitely a pet please. But the other day a friend pointed another side to getting all green lights. She was headed in my direction and offered […]


Pet Please #105: Photos of Models Doing Things That No Human Has Ever Done

Pet Please #105: Photos of Models Doing Things That No Human Has Ever Done

I wasn’t planning on writing a blog entry now, but my cat (Biddy) just got on my desk, curled up between my arms while I typed an e-mail, and promptly fell asleep. He’s even snoring/purring. So I’m not going anywhere until he wakes up, because this is the best thing that’s ever happened. If Biddy […]


Pet Please #104: Different Species of Animals Hanging Out with Each Other

Pet Please #104: Different Species of Animals Hanging Out with Each Other

In the documentary series Planet Earth: Africa, there’s a breathtaking scene where animals of all shapes and sizes converge to drink and play in a precious oasis in the desert. Animals that would usually hunt each other drink right next to each other. It’s an incredible scene. I’m a sucker for different species of animals […]


Pet Please #103: When Bench Players Congratulate Starting Players Who Have No Idea Who They Are

Pet Please #103: When Bench Players Congratulate Starting Players Who Have No Idea Who They Are

This is one of my favorite things in sports. Tonight as the confetti streamed down upon the Seattle Seahawks, the cameras zoomed in on super-enthusiastic players in Seattle uniforms bear-hugging starters like Russell Wilson and Cliff Avril. You probably didn’t recognize some of those players even if you’re an avid football fan, because many of […]


Pet Please #102: Toasted Sandwiches

Pet Please #102: Toasted Sandwiches

I ate a lot of cold sandwiches as a kid. Cold peanut butter and jelly. Cold peanut butter and honey. For a brief, wonderful period, cold peanut butter and pickles. Then came cold turkey, cold ham, cold roast beef. Cold, cold, cold. When I got to college, I discovered something called a “panini,” and it […]


Pet Peeve/Pet Please: “If it makes you feel any better,…”

Pet Peeve/Pet Please: "If it makes you feel any better,..."

Sometimes there are two sides to a pet peeve. When that happens, we have a pet peeve/pet please on our hands. I’m sure at some point you’ve heard someone use the phrase “If it makes you feel any better,…” Without fail, this phrase never makes anyone feel better, and it’s usually more roughly translated as, […]


Pet Please #101: Not Knowing When a Book Will End

Pet Please #101: Not Knowing When a Book Will End

Yesterday I had something very, very rare happen to me: A book ended abruptly. We’re used to this happening with movies. You never know exactly when a movie will end, and that uncertainly often keeps you on the edge of your seat. You never know if the scene you’re watching will be the climax. But […]


Pet Please #100: New SNL Sketches

Pet Please #100: New SNL Sketches

Saturday Night Live basically offers two kinds of sketches: new sketches and ongoing sketches. Lorne Michaels has built the brand based on the combination of those two. You always get something new when you watch, and you also get something familiar. In recent years it’s my perception that there have been more ongoing sketches than […]


Top 10 Festivus Pet Pleases

Top 10 Festivus Pet Pleases

The true spirit of Festivus is grieving, not talking about what you’re thankful for. And trust me, there was plenty of grieving last night–my panel of judges will soon be reviewing the grievances for the Top 40 list. But in the spirit of Thanksgiving, I devoted a small section of the whiteboard to pet pleases […]


Pet Please #98: Singers Who Write Their Own Songs

Pet Please #98: Singers Who Write Their Own Songs

What does musical talent mean these days? Specifically in terms of lead singers or solo artists. It’s almost unheard of that you’ll encounter a song where the lead singer’s voice hasn’t been digitally manipulated or aided by eight backup singers with way better voices. I don’t think people notice the difference anymore–we equate a digitally […]


Pet Please #95: When a Website Says Your Password Is Strong

Pet Please #95: When a Website Says Your Password Is Strong

I spend most of my day clicking around on a computer, often online. So many websites and blogs and e-mails. For all that clicking, though, there’s very little interaction with the websites themselves. It’s usually a one-way street: You click a link, and you go to that link. You type something and send it, and […]