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The Male Lactation Discrepancy

The Male Lactation Discrepancy

Two friends of mine recently had a baby. Cute little thing. Tiny hands, tiny feet, cries a lot. When I met the baby for the first time, the husband commented that for the month since the baby was born, he’s been pretty much useless. And not for lack of trying. It’s just that the baby’s […]


The Tournament of Josh

The Tournament of Josh

In the comments of the Tournament of Awkwardness finale, a friendly war of words broke out between a person named Josh and a person named…Josh. As we all know by the rules of Highlander and Fringe, only one person of a given name can occupy the same space or the world will implode onto itself. […]


The Most Awkward Person

The Most Awkward Person

The people have spoken, and I’d like to officially declare Kendall the Most Awkward Person in the 2012 Tournament of Awkwardness! Congratulations to Kendall and the many, many witnesses to her awkwardness. Thanks for all of the stories. I think my favorite line still comes from Kendall herself: “Would a popular kid wear a Christmas […]


The Grand Finale of Awkwardness

The Grand Finale of Awkwardness

Here we are. After a grueling three-week gauntlet of escalating awkwardness, Kendall and Sarah have made it to the finale. Each have a portfolio of awkwardness that started with a simple photo and description (Kendall and Sarah), expanded to before and after photos for comparison (Kendall and Sarah), and finally included an extremely awkward anecdote […]


Tournament of Awkwardness Final Four: Part 2

Tournament of Awkwardness Final Four: Part 2

Today’s matchup between Sarah and Jess to decide who goes to the finale and who shuffles home is of epic proportions. I’ll let the contestants speak for themselves below their photos; for now, here are the rules: You can only vote once You may campaign for people to vote (but encourage them to vote for […]


Tournament of Awkwardness Final Four: Part 1

Tournament of Awkwardness Final Four: Part 1

After an elite eight that revealed how amazingly unawkward the contestants are now (see here and here), we have some new awkward stories to accompany the old photos today. I had asked for these stories from the full Top 8, so that means there are four stories that won’t make it into this post. I’ll […]


Tournament of Awkwardness Elite Eight: Part 2

Tournament of Awkwardness Elite Eight: Part 2

Today we have our final two matchups in the second round of the Tournament of Awkwardness. These four are the winners of the matchups in the second and third days of the tournament. A quick refresher on the basic rules before I move on to today’s two polls: You can only vote once You may campaign […]


Tournament of Awkwardness Elite Eight: Part 1

Tournament of Awkwardness Elite Eight: Part 1

For those of you who participated in the first round of the Tournament of Awkwardness, thank you so much for your wonderfully awkward photos and stories. They will be treasured forever by random people who stumble upon this blog. Now, on to Round 2! Eight contestants remain in the hunt for the cash and the […]


All in the Family: The Last 3 Polls for Round 1

All in the Family: The Last 3 Polls for Round 1

So, just for full disclosure, I realized today that I made a mistake. I accidentally left out a contestant who submitted on time. Also, you all are having too much fun poking at each other, and I want to get in on it. Thus I’m entering my photo in the contest. If, by a long […]


Name That Gender: Round 1 Continues

Name That Gender: Round 1 Continues

We have three huge matchups today for the first round of the Tournament of Awkwardness. The voting for these matchups and the first two matchups will remain open until this Sunday at 1:00 pm CST. Chelsea says: “Sadly, this isn’t even the worst, but my mom wouldn’t let me use those photos. (They were that […]


Let the Tournament of Awkwardness Begin!

Let the Tournament of Awkwardness Begin!

When I announced the Tournament of Awkwardness two weeks ago, I wasn’t quite sure what to expect. It’s a lot to ask people to submit photos of years that they might like to forget, years filled with braces and odd clothing, with devastating hair styles and androgyny (there are at least three entries where a […]


The Battle Royale of Cuteness

The Battle Royale of Cuteness

The day hath cometh. In one corner we have Ben, who rode through the gauntlet of the original Tournament of Cuteness like Benjamin Button on a horse made of regrets and seedy bars. In the other we have Charlotte, who, although her path to greatness was but a single poll, we can all agree deserves […]


Mini Tournament of Cuteness

Mini Tournament of Cuteness

Yesterday as I was writing the blog entry for the Tournament of Awkwardness, I realized that I had a few Tournament of Cuteness entries leftover from last year. A few people sent in entries during the tournament, which I pledged to use for a future tournament. Now that I’ve changed plans, I still want to […]


Who Should Rachel Have Ended Up With: Ross or Joey?

Who Should Rachel Have Ended Up With: Ross or Joey?

If you like this entry, feel free to check out my Kickstarter campaign for a board game I invented called Viticulture. If enough people pledge, I might be able to be convinced that Ross and Rachel are right for each other. 🙂 During yesterday’s sanction on avid commentors, I got more comments off the blog about Ross […]


Live More Now or Live Longer Later?

Live More Now or Live Longer Later?

I had this debate the other day, and I want your thoughts. If you could take a pill that would let you get the equivalent of 8 hours of sleep a night even though you actually sleep only 4 hours, but each pill would reduce the overall length of your life by 4 hours, would […]


You Got Raptured!

You Got Raptured!

“You Got Raptured!” should totally be the name for a new game show. If you’re reading this, you didn’t get raptured on Saturday. If you’re anything like me, you were sitting around with friends at a BBQ, enjoying the breeze and the chirping of crickets and frogs (or whatever chirps here in St. Louis. Mosquitos? […]


Tournament of Cuteness Final

Tournament of Cuteness Final

It comes down to man vs. dog. Just as nature intended it. In one corner we have Ben, who, with a whopping 152 votes, eclipsed the juggernaut that was Tessi. Ben is adorable, overworked, and delightfully frumpy. In the other corner we have Llewelyn, whose name I can’t seem to ever get right, and it […]


Dog vs. Dog

Dog vs. Dog

Llewyln: When Llewelyn was just five months old, he found a little space in the fence big enough to crawl through and got out of the backyard. Unfortunately, he was hit by a car when he was running across the street. After a few surgeries and a lot of rehab, he is now 3-1/2 years old […]


Tournament of Cuteness Final Four

Tournament of Cuteness Final Four

As we enter the final two weeks of this tournament, the contestants have been pared down to four: Tessi, Ben, Llewellyn, and surprise winner Mario. The rules are the same as always: Vote once for the cutest animal/human by Sunday at noon. For the final matchups, I asked the contestants’ owners/parents to write about something really […]


Texts from My Roommate

Texts from My Roommate

I’ve lived with my roommate, Jess, for over two months now. She’s a great roommate, and I’ve discovered that one of her special abilities is that she composes hilarious texts. By that I don’t mean that Jess texts a lot and mixes in some humor. I mean that Jess carefully composes the majority of her […]


Pet Please #47: Finishing a Bottle of Chocolate Syrup

Pet Please #47: Finishing a Bottle of Chocolate Syrup

When I was a kid, chocolate milk was a treat. I’d come home from school, get some pretzels out of the cupboard, and sit down with a glass of cold, delicious chocolate milk. Or Ovaltine. We went through an Ovaltine phase. Now, as a mature, full-size, adult man, I have a big glass of chocolate […]


Round 2 Begins!

Round 2 Begins!

12 contestants. 16 grueling days of cuteness. 1 champion. 1 prize package. Round 2 begins! Preview the bracket below to see the winners and their scores. The winners so far: 2 cats, 4 humans, and 6 dogs. I see a pattern emerging. In fact, cats only won all-cat matchups. Although Biddy got enough votes to […]


The Last 7 Contestants of Round 1

The Last 7 Contestants of Round 1

So here we are on the final day of Round 1. Except it’s not really the final day, since voting will remain open until Sunday at noon. Here’s how this is going to work: I’ll close the polls on Sunday at noon. I’ll update the bracket, and 12 competitors will remain, 3 in each group. […]


Biddy’s Birthday

Biddy's Birthday

For all you newcomers to the blog, it probably seems like this blog is exclusively about pets. I swear it’s about other things too! But today, March 9, happens to be Biddy’s 4th birthday, so I thought I’d honor him with a list of my top 7 quirks about him. Biddy greets me at the […]