Me in Howth. Just me.

This past week I’ve discussed my Ireland trip in detail, and I’d like to end the week with a reflection on what I learned from going on this trip solo.

I wanted to stretch myself on this trip, to step outside of my comfort zone. I’m a planner at heart, and thus I didn’t plan anything for this trip so I can be more spontaneous and go with the flow. I’m an introvert, so I wanted to push myself to meet new people when I have no default option. I’m terrible at initiating conversations with strangers, so I wanted to put myself in a foreign place to see how I’d respond in that area.

Here are the results from my little experiment. It’s filled with contradictions.

1. It’s really nice not having to worry about someone else’s plans or agendas.
2. It’s nice to have a copilot when traversing foreign soil. There’s certainly something to be said for figuring out things on your own (as I did when taking the bus to Howth), but I was able to enjoy Dublin in a different way when a new friend guided me through the city.
3. I like company when I eat at a restaurant. Those were the most difficult times in Ireland, and it doesn’t help that I’m a really slow eater. I didn’t feel self conscious about eating alone; moreso I was surrounded by people having a wonderful time at their tables, and it make me really aware that I didn’t have someone there to talk to.
4. No matter where I am, at this point in my life, I prefer a quiet beer at the bar over a crazy night at a club. On Friday night, I contemplated going down to the club in the hotel. There were tons of young people there. I almost did it to stick with my adventurous theme. But I kept coming back to the fact that I don’t enjoy clubs. Just because I’m abroad doesn’t mean I should force-feed myself things I don’t like in the name of “growing.” That was a good thing to realize on the first night.
5. I like to write in quiet places, not noisy cafes. It doesn’t have to be a secluded place; just a quiet place.
6. I really like not having a plan when I travel, but after I make a decision to go somewhere, I should research that decision a little bit before going so I don’t miss out on anything huge. For example, the taxi driver on the way to the airport at the end of the trip asked if I had gone to basically the best old pub ever when I was in Howth. I hadn’t, unfortunately, and it made me want to go back to go to that pub. But it was too late.
7. Smithwick’s is my favorite Irish beer.
8. It’s really nice to detach from e-mail. Now, I sent plenty of e-mails when I was at the hotel, but when I left the castle, I no longer had wi-fi. And it was incredibly freeing. The impulse to check e-mail went away because I simply didn’t have that option. I was able to walk and think and breathe without having the exciting prospect of a full inbox prodding at me.
9. Being in a foreign country doesn’t mean that I’m suddenly free to initiate conversations with total strangers. Even in Ireland, where people are notoriously friendly. If that’s an area in which I want to grow, I’m going to have to work on it myself–a new country isn’t going to do the work for me.

I spent the last 6 days just outside Dublin in Clontarf, Ireland. It was a solo trip, and I’ll delve into what I learned about myself tomorrow. But for now, here are 11 insights I have into traveling to and within Ireland, or really just traveling anywhere.

1. When you travel, especially in Ireland, it’s okay to make some friends that are purely there as temporary travel companions. I was befriended by this dog during a hike on the Hill of Howth on Tuesday, and although his company was unexpected, it was quite nice.
2. Plenty of Irish smoke, but smoking in restaurants and pubs in Ireland is illegal. I was quite happy to learn that.
3. Eat as much indigenous food as possible when you travel abroad. I had Irish stew, fish and chips, shepherd’s pie, corned beef and cabbage, and an assortment of those triangle sandwiches you can only find in the British Isles.
4. It’s okay to break some habits–good and bad–when you’re traveling. For example, if you normally work out five times a week, don’t spend 8 hours in the hotel gym when you travel unless you’re enhancing your travel experience (i.e., talking to people while you work out, doing a completely different kind of workout than in the States–you’ll find lots of very odd exercises in Japan). I rarely sleep in, and I have three meals at almost exactly the same time every day. I broke out of those habits in Ireland because they would have impeded my experience.
5. You need cash. Lots of cash. Don’t wait until you get to the airport, especially if you’re lazy like me. You will not be able to use your credit card nearly as much as you can in America.
6.  Know where the nearest grocery store is. Especially if you’re staying in the same place for most of the trip. Also, the grocery store is the cheapest place to stock up on the best gifts to bring back home to your friends and coworkers: chocolate.
7. The hotel can–and should–be so much more than the place you sleep every night. It’s really nice to have a home base that feels local to the country you’re in. Plus, if you’re in Ireland, you’re going to have some rainy days, so if you have an awesome hotel to explore, you have built-in entertainment.
8. Find the “experience” in everything you do. Two out of the five days of my trip were interrupted by heavy rain. Like, a month’s worth of rain in two days (this was not your average Irish rainfall). I’ll tell you what I did: I walked in it. I got soaked. But I walked in it. This is coming from someone who often doesn’t even drive in the rain, much less play sports in the rain. But I wanted the Irish experience, and so I walked. I honestly don’t think you can have an unsuccessful trip if you take that approach to travel.
9. Google Maps is awesome…but so is getting lost. Google Maps gives you the freedom to roam without the risk of sleeping on a park bench because you can’t find your hotel. But getting lost has its perks too–it forces you to meet people, to interact, to be vulnerable. I’d recommend a mix of both.
10. Remember that it’s a vacation! You should not walk away from Ireland (or any trip) feeling more stressed than when you left. We all relax in different ways, so find your way and make it happen. I know there are some people who feel like they need to see and do everything when they’re in a foreign country. And in a way, you’re right–don’t go all the way to Ireland and spend your time watching movies in your hotel room. Just set clear goals for yourself and leave a little room to unwind. And indulge a little bit! Instead of rushing through a meal so you can make the train to Waterford, savor those potatoes and top it off with dessert and an Irish coffee.
11. Buy an item of clothing. I messed up–I forgot to do this. But let me tell you, when I was in Oxford for 3 hours a few years ago, I stopped by a flea market and picked up a peacoat that I’ve worn ever since. People actually stop me and ask me where I got the coat. And I get to say, “Oh, in Oxford.” There’s a story behind the clothing you buy abroad. I wouldn’t say go on a shopping spree, but buy one or two things that you know you’ll wear. Spend a little money if necessary. You’ll remember those days in Ireland every time you wear that wool sweater.

Now on to the contest. I brought back some treats from Ireland–specifically, Butler’s chocolate, made right in the heart of Dublin. One of the bars is filled with whiskey, and the other is solid milk chocolate (see photo below; you can’t tell, but they’re pretty big chocolate bars). One lucky person will win the chocolate and my tour guide to Dublin, just in case all this talk of Ireland makes you think you’ll really go. I’ll cover shipping.

All you have to do is share this blog entry on Facebook and include @jameystegmaier in the message so I see that you’ve posted it (if you need to friend me on Facebook to properly do that, friend me here). If you include another friend in the message (i.e., “@maureensmith, you’d appreciate this guy’s thoughts on Ireland!”), I’ll give you two entries to the random drawing, which I’ll do this Sunday, October 30, at 11:00 am CST. You can only share it once. Oh, and I’ll throw in a third entry if you e-mail me (jamey.stegmaier@gmail.com) with any typos in the above post…I’ve been up since 6:30 am Dublin time and am starting to feel it.

Tonight is my last night in the Clontarf Castle Hotel, and I just wanted to share how incredible the experience has been. I cannot recommend this place enough. Here are a few reasons why:

1. It’s a castle! This hotel is not like any other. Its walls are those of a very old castle. And it’s so much more than just a novelty feature. Sure, the bedrooms just feel like ordinary hotel bedrooms. But there are a number of lounges that intertwine in and out of the castle parts of the building. This is particularly important for rainy Irish days when you don’t want to go out much. Hanging out in the castle parts of the building on those days is a vacation in itself.
2. Location. The hotel is in Clontarf, a little seaside town about 10 minutes away from Dublin and 20 minutes away from Howth, where I spent a lovely day today. Honestly, there’s not a ton to do in Clontarf, but it’s great if you’re like me and want to pretend you’re indigenous for a few days on vacation. Now, there are certain perks to staying in Dublin–considerably more choices of restaurants and pubs, as well as more tourist destinations–but Clontarf feels like an escape from the hubbub of real life, which has its benefits.
3. Affordable luxury. This is a four-star luxury hotel that you can stay at for under $100/night.
4. Amenities. I’ve spent most of my time in an awesome in-hotel bar called the Knight’s Bar, but there’s also a club and an expensive restaurant here. Just depends on what you’re looking for, but it’s nice to have all of them in the hotel. They seem to attract a number of locals, not just people staying at the hotel. And there have been a ton of weddings here during my stay. I may or may not be married to an Irish woman; I’m really not sure what happened in that ceremony.
5. Service. I need a separate section for this, because it’s been astoundingly good. See below.

That’s right, I’m in Ireland. I’m writing this post on Wednesday, but I’ve scheduled it to publish at exactly the time that my plane sets down in Dublin.

This trip is unlike any other I’ve ever taken. The only planning I’ve done is buying a plane ticket and booking a hotel (a castle hotel, no less). I’m also going solo on this trip. I’m trying to stretch myself, step outside of my comfort zone, and give myself the freedom to grow. Sometimes you need to leave your every day life and all the patterns and habits and distractions that go along with it to move forward.

That said, it’s a little scary. I’m excited, but I’m also nervous. It hit me tonight that solo means solo. I’ve flown solo plenty of times, but this is the first time that no one is waiting for me at my destination. It’s freeing, but it’s scary.

I’ll be gone for about a week, and I’ll write about my adventures when I return. Unless, that is, I get swept up in an Irish gypsy bareknuckle boxing ring and have to fight my way home. That’s a distinct possibility.

In my experience, it’s completely true. When you’re on a trip, you’re outside of your comfort zone. Your raw, unedited side comes out, and you get to see what your significant others’ raw, unedited side looks like. I actually think this would make an interesting dating site idea: Your first date is a trip somewhere. It would combine a flight deal and date stuff.

I remember one of the first road trips I took with a girlfriend. I remember nothing about the trip except that I discovered that she drove about 200 miles an hour on the highway, pulling right up behind cars until they moved out of her way. It didn’t change my view of her personality–she really was a lovely woman–but I saw a different side of her. And I had to deal with it for many hours, so part of the test was seeing how I reacted.

This past weekend, essentially on a whim, I used some frequent flyer miles to purchase a ticket to Ireland. For a while (about a week) I’ve been fantasizing about spending some time in Ireland, writing and reading on rolling hills and in ancient castles, buying rounds of Bud Select in pubs for cute Irish girls.

So when I spotted an available frequent flier ticket in the fall, I jumped at the chance. I’ve also lined up a five-night stay at a castle hotel. That’s right. I’m going to live in a castle for almost a week.

My natural inclination is to include someone on the trip. Not someone in particular, just someone, a lady companion. But just like my intentionally single period back in ’09, I really want–and need–to go at this alone. A solo trip will be a huge challenge for me, a huge stretch.

Basically, it’ll be a great test of my relationship with my single self.

Have you ever taken an enlightening (or difficult) trip with a significant other? Have you taken a solo trip abroad? How was it?

1. Crunchy foods help keep your mind awake, as do spicy foods. I’d particularly suggest baby carrots since you typically don’t eat much healthy food on road trips.
2. I would pay double for fast drive-thru food on road trips if there were healthier, organic options available. I still like burgers and chicken tenders on the road, but I don’t want processed crap, and I’m willing to pay for it if it’s fast.
3. Idea: Drive-thru restaurants where you get your gas pumped while you wait in line for your food.
4. I unabashedly unbuckle and unzip my pants during long road trips. You don’t realize how constricting your pants are until you undo them. I also tend to wear my oldest jeans since they’ll end up serving napkin double-duty during the drive.
5. I’ve discovered the key to taking fewer bathroom breaks is to take longer bathroom breaks. Don’t rush them. Pee, then simmer down for a 15 seconds, and then pee again. It’s almost as if you have two separate bladder–the first is immediate relief, and the other is long-term storage. Empty both of them.
6. The hands-down scariest vehicle to see on the road is a stormchaser van.
7. My number one new tip is that you should get some stand-up comedy CDs for the ride. They’ll jolt you awake and keep you that way for a full hour. My favorite from my recent trip was Aziz Ansari (you can borrow mine if you know me). Buy them used on Amazon. I tried to find a Netflix for comedy CDs, but there is no such thing. You could make tens of dollars if you started one of your own!

What tips would you add to this list?

Picture your ideal vacation. Say you get a week off work and have a $1,500 budget. Where do you go? What do you do?

Here’s what I’d do: I’d fly to a foreign land, find a remote town and settle in for the week at a cozy inn. I’d read and write and get drunk with the locals. I’d eat good food–lots of good food. I’d flirt with girls with cute accents. I’d take walks and sleep in. And if there’s something famous in the area, I’d check it out but not obsess over it.

That’s it.

How do I know this? A few years ago I went to Wales because I was working on a novel about Frank Lloyd Wright. We drove all across Wales for three days and then spent three days walking all across London. It was a great trip.

However, two days into the trip, we stopped at a town called Hay-on-Wye. It has the highest number of bookstores per capita of anywhere in the world–it’s a tiny town, and I think they have about 30 bookstores.

We spent the night there, perused the bookstores (I bought a 150-year-old hollow book. Yes, be jealous), and then jetted off to see more of Wales.

I wish we had stayed. I would have been perfectly happy if we had stayed.

I understand that many people have very different ideal vacations. Some people want to run around and see everything. Their trip isn’t complete without 100 photos of them standing in front of churches and monuments and sculptures. Others want to sleep in hostels and meet tons of other travelers. And others want to party–they want to dance in Prague until the sunrise puts them to bed.

These are all good things to know about someone you’re going to travel with. So…how do you travel? Does it match how your significant other likes to travel?

Mom prepared me for the possibility that the Arch may collapse while taking this photo.

One of the most endearing, loving, and amusing things my mother does is overprepare me for travel abroad.

It all started back in 2001 when I was headed to Kyoto for the year. Concerned about the quality of the water in Japan (a first-world country where people don’t, contrary to popular belief, drink unfiltered toilet water), she packed a special Brita water bottle for me.

The water bottle turned out to be handy—not for the filtering mechanism, but as a basic water bottle. In hindsight, I bet I could have drank my own urine out of that water bottle. Not that it ever came to that, but why not?

Also before I left for Japan, my mother insisted that I carry my prized possessions (passport, money, stuffed koala bear) around at all times in one of those secret hip pouches that old people wear under their Hawaiian shirts when they travel.

Mom had read that it was important to keep those possessions on you at all times. This is actually pretty bad advice when you’re living full time in a first-world country like Japan. Although you need your passport, it’s the last thing you want to lose, so it’s best to keep it in your apartment, not on your person.

The advice was particularly amusing and endearing because those money pouches are made for preventing pickpocketing, and there isn’t a country in the world where you’re less likely to be pickpocketed than Japan. People are more likely to slip extra yen into your pocket than pilfer your cash.

But at least I was prepared.

To be continued next week with how Mom prepared me for a trip to France…

Every time I drive, I learn something new. Here’s what I learned this time around:

1. Dragon Dictation is the best. I have an app on my iPhone that converts speech to text. When I drive, my mind wanders to a million different ideas, so having a way to “write” those ideas so I don’t lose them is crucial to my sanity.
2. I like the smell of skunk. At least, I’m intrigued by it. I wouldn’t seek it out, but whenever it hits me on the drive, I think, “Hey, that’s interesting.”
3. Fish and chips is a bad choice. I stopped in Louisville for the greatest fish and chips in the world at the Irish Rover. However, I learned rather quickly that fish and chips is not a good driving food. I had grease all over myself within about two seconds.
4. Tolls suck. West Virginia and Virginia are peppered with tolls. St. Louis is not. I’d much rather pay for roads through my taxes than having to pull over and hand someone money every few miles. (Sidenote: Wouldn’t tolls be so much better if you could get something in return, like a candy bar or a frappocino? Tolls should partner with Starbucks.)
5. There’s no shame in unbuckling your pants. This is akin to taking off your shoes on the plane. You don’t realize how uncomfortable you were until you just do it. I might start to do this on shorter drives too. Seriously, try it.
6. Feel free to follow me. Isn’t it nice when someone follows you at a safe distance on the highway at the exact same speed that you’re driving? It’s like finding your highway soulmate.
7. Taking naps on long drives is okay, but make sure to pull over before you do so. I had never taken a nap on a long drive before, but maybe I’m getting old, because I had to on this drive. I was so groggy both ways until I finally succumbed and pulled over for a nap at a rest stop. A 30-minute power nap makes a huge difference. 20 percent of all car accidents are related to tired drivers, so do yourself a favor and take a nap. Eating loud foods like carrots can also help snap you awake after the nap.
8. Soon our cars will drive themselves on the highway. Our cars already have this miraculous thing called cruise control. Some cars can park themselves now, and others can detect animals, people, or obstructions on the road ahead. And Google maps their Google Earth software with autonomous cars. I predict that we’ll start to see cars that drive themselves on the highway as soon as 2015, and the technology will be widespread by 2020. It’ll be longer before cars can drive themselves in complex urban environments, but on a straight stretch of road for miles on end? Your car can take care of that.

Also, head over to Blank Slate Press to check out the pre-order form for our first novel.

Here's Biddy about three minutes after getting home.

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