Jamey is the world’s top authority on Festivus parties held at his condo.
Top 10 Festivus Grievances of 2012:
9. That your pediatrician can’t be your doctor your entire life— doesn’t he/she know you best? [This person should have been born in a small town -Leo]
8. Cayenne pepper: True story, for some reason my cat likes to lay in my clean laundry, particularly my underwear. I was “told” cats hate cayenne, so I sprinkled some on my laundry as a deterrent. And almost seared my genitals off. THANKS INTERNET.
7. The term “kitty porn” sounds just like “kiddy porn.” [Wait, WTF is Kitty Porn and how is that better?! --Josh]
6. I’m 31 with a master’s degree and I got rejected by Trader Joe’s! [Do you have a beard? From what I’ve seen, that’s a requirement. --Leo]
5. Thanks for the overdraft settlement. The $2.55 check really offsets the $30 overdraft charge. I feel vindicated.
4. Facebook stalking: What happened to the romance of a full tank of gas and binoculars?
3. Got passed over for a promotion at work—had to train person who got the job.
2. Turtle park doesn’t have real turtles. [This is a bit of a St. Louis reference, but it’s a good one. Turtle Park is a playground with a bunch of giant turtle statues for kids to play on. I laughed when I read this grievance. –Jamey] [I love turtles (look at my cover photo) so this speaks to me, but since there apparently are giant turtles already in the park, I can’t give it #1. But come on Turtle Park, get some living turtles!-Leo]
1. Guys in action movies can take dozens of punches to the face and keep fighting, while all it takes for me to be down for the count is to bump my head on the car door frame.