news

The most important news that never happened, as well as true survivor stories from Jamey’s life.

Newsflash

DiGiorno to Test Delivery Service

Ford Announces 2037 Explorer

Senator Ends Record Filibuster on the Filibuster Decision

Facebook Announces That You Can Now Like Likes

Lionsgate Announces “Totino’s Party Pizza Hunger Games” Reality Show

NewsFlash: jameystegmaier.com to Partner with Depends

Google Books to Continue Scanning the World’s Printed Material with Personal Journals, Diaries

Swedish Director of Original “The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo” Film to Remake American Version

Netflix to Buy US Postal Service

Clean Plate Club to Close Memberships

Bronx Zoo to Let One Animal Escape Each Month

Local Man to Bake Himself into Pretzel, Live There

Special Announcement: jameystegmaier.com Is Going Public

“Lefty Loosey, Righty Tighty” Archrival Expresses Regret, Disappointment

Ohio State Trounced by Little Sisters of the Poor in Bowl Warmup

Pizza Hut Launches New “Krusts 4 Kids” Program

New Zealand to Rest of World: “We’re Not Middle Earth”

Cats Show Up in Record Numbers to Vote Against Puppy Mill Bill

Cleveland Clinic to Move to Miami

Obama Wins Additional Nobel Prizes

Google to Discontinue Gmail

St. Louis Mayor Decides City Will “Go French,” Switch to Euro

Entourage’s Sloan to Be the New Face of Sloan-Kettering Memorial Hospital

UConn Junior Thabeet Entering MLS Draft

Red Cross and Twilight Partner for New Campaign

Watched Pot Boils in Area Home

Local Man Tries to Grow “Cool” Beard, Fails

Local Man Eats 4-Year-Old Frozen Lasagna for Dinner

Jamey Stegmaier Announces He’ll Never Run for Public Office

Amy Grant in the News

Hubble: Still Out There

Obama Selects Area Kitten for Cabinet

Shopowner Pleased with Passage of Time

The Original Disney Vault Entry

Jamey’s True Tales of Survival

I Lived Through a 5.2-Magnitude Earthquake: A Survivor’s True Tale of Survival Against All Odds

I Lived Through a Tornado That Touched Down 12 Miles from My Work: A Survivor’s True Tale of Survival Against All Odds

I Lived Through a Homemade Bomb That Exploded 2 Miles from My Work: A Survivor’s True Tale of Survival

I Survived Three Rogue Strains of the Flu Virus Being Injected Directly Into My Body: A Survivor’s True Tale of Survival Against All Odds

I Survived Being Lost in the Rainforest: A Survivor’s True Tale of Survival Against All Odds

I Lived Through Four Days Without Hot Water: A Survivor’s True Tale of Survival Against All Odds

I Lived Through 45 Minutes of Sub-Zero Temperatures: A Survivor’s True Tale of Survival Against All Odds

The Outlaw of St. Louis: A Survivor’s True Tale of Survival Against All Odds

I Lived Through the Floods of Dublin: A Survivor’s True Tale of Survival Against All Odds

I Lived Through 2 Hours Without Internet at Work: A Survivor’s True Tale of Survival Against All Odds

I Lived Through 3 Days Without Air Conditioning: A Survivor’s True Tale of Survival Against All Odds

Katie Accidentally Drank Milk That Had Been Expired for Three Days: A Survivor’s True Tale of Survival Against All Odds 

I Lived Through a Day Without Chocolate at Work: A Survivor’s True Tale of Survival Against All Odds

Josh Was Lost on a Mountain Trail in a Crossover SUV: A Survivor’s True Tale of Survival Against All Odds

I Lived Through a Sub-Zero Winter Hellscape Commute to Work: A Survivor’s True Tale of Survival

I Lived Through a Freezing Cold Baseball Game: A Survivor’s True Tale of Survival Against All Odds

The Plastic Slider Fell Off My Ziploc Bag: A Survivor’s True Tale of Survival Against All Odds

I Survived My First Trip to the Eye Doctor (Barely)

I Lived Through Everest in the Rain: A Survivor’s True Tale of Survival

I Survived Without Hair Product for 5 Days: A Survivor’s True Tale of Survival Against All Odds