My good friend Bryce, one of the funniest people I know, has ranked the top 10 Festivus grievances of 2009. Agree? Disagree? That’s what the comments section is for. (A little hubris: #1 and #5 are mine.)

10. The white crusties milk bottles leave in the fridge.

9. People who just have to answer their text messages while you’re talking to them, and are compelled to continue to reply during the rest of your conversation. Especially if you’re on a date.

8. Movies where the director thinks shaking the camera and deafening the audience with loud, distracting music means his movie is exciting and action-packed. You’re asses, Jerry Bruckheimer and Tony Scott.

7. Phantom cell phone vibrations against my thigh, getting me all excited about a call, but it’s just a glitch.

6. Gabby keeps altering my grievances gender.

5. Kate Gosselin’s hair. And the very fact that I know what Kate Gosselin’s hair looks like.

4. Global warming. Where you at? It’s effing freezing outside.

3. Gross overuse of the phrase, “What happens in _____ stays in _____,” as in, “What happens in the barn out back stays in the barn out back.” Yeah, I get it. You’re not very creative, and you’re kind of a slut.

2. Bank overdraft fees…if I didn’t have the $4.54  in my account for the Starbucks drink, do you really think I have the extra $30 to cover your fee?

1. That I didn’t think of this Chuck Norris line 3 years ago when Chuck Norris lines were cool (I just thought of this last night): “Chuck Norris goes to the hospital when his erection doesn’t last 4 hours.”

Happy Festivus to all!

Click here to see all Festivus grievances of all time.

20. People who think Facebook is different than Myspace. You’ve been fooled!

19. People who walk around with ibuds in their ears all the time. I’m sure “your soundtrack” is great, but is real life really that boring?

18. The term “Been there, done that.” It’s condescending bullshi*t!

17. What, now if you like it then you shoulda put a ring on it? Rings are expensive, and I like a lot of things.

16. “That’s what she said” jokes. She didn’t say it—your dirty mind just thought it.

15. Professional golfers having fewer than double-digit mistresses.

14. When Fr. Gary hits on my sister. And then my girlfriend. And then my mom. And then me.

13. Facebook profile pics with more than one person in the photo. It’s not a couple’s profile—it’s yours!

12. Grieving about Twitter one year and then using it prolifically the next.

11. Sportscasters who refer to an injury solely by the injured body part (e.g., “He’ll be out 3-6 weeks with a knee” or “He has an ACL.”) No sh*t. He has two ACLs. Everybody does.

Six years ago, I decided to host a different type of holiday party. A Festivus party. My party would be a little more fun than the original Festivus, as the grievances–written on pieces of papers scattered throughout my apartment–would be jovial and fun, not incisive and bitter. There would be feats of strength in the form of a drinking game and an aluminum pole in the form of a lamp.

The first one went over so well that I started holding a similar party every year. The only real deviation has been the type of drinking game. This year I created a new game called Beer Square (originally Beer Four Square) which is similar to Beer Pong, but without the nastiness of shared liquids. I’ll go into those rules in the comments section or a later blog post.

The other tradition that has evolved has been compiling and ranking the grievances. I’d say there were over 100 grievances this year, with 72 of them qualifying for the ranking (basically, grievances that anyone could understand. Like, someone grieved about me wearing Under Armor, which kind of works, but it’s mostly an inside joke).

To make the selection of the top grievances impartial and unbiased, I sent out the list to my friend and fellow blogger Josh (who happens to have an exciting visual entry on his blog today) to pick the top 30 grievances from the 72 and rank numbers 21-30. I have already passed on the remaining grievances to Neeraja (who ranked last year’s top 10) to select and rank 11-20. I’ll post them tomorrow, followed by the Top 10. Perhaps I’ll even seek your input for the top grievance of 2009.

Without further adieu, the Top Festivus Grievances of 2009: 21-30

30. Dudes wearing skinny jeans…not cool

29. Those creepy Ford vans with no windows.

28. No more lists! Top ten lists! Top anything lists! Stop it!

27. That swine flu doesn’t turn people into pigs.

26. That “Thames” is pronounced “Tems”

25. The poker gods—worst worship cult ever.

24. When the drier sheet gets lost in your clothes when you’re doing the laundry.

23. When all your interactions with friends are on Facebook.

22. People who think liking a newly famous band before they made it big makes them a part of the band.

21. People who use the subject line of an e-mail as the body—it’s friggin’ annoying.