Obama Wins Additional Nobel Prizes

STOCKHOLM, Sweden (AP) – A few days after receiving the 2009 Nobel Peace Prize, President Obama was awarded his second, third, and fourth Nobel prizes over the Columbus Day weekend. Obama told reporters that he was “shocked, humble, and inspired” by himself. In addition to the Peace prize, Obama will receive Nobel prizes in Economics, … Read more

Google to Discontinue Gmail

MOUNTAIN VIEW, California (AP) – Search engine behemoth Google announced today that it will no longer continue to offer one of its beta products, Google Mail (widely known as “Gmail”). “We test out many different products in an effort to diversify the Google brand,” said spokesperson Linda Antello. “This is one experiment that just didn’t … Read more

Entourage's Sloan to Be the New Face of Sloan-Kettering Memorial Hospital

NEW YORK, New York (AP) – Actress Emmanuelle Chriqui, known as her portrayal of “Sloan,” E’s girlfriend, on HBO’s hit show Entourage, will be the new face of the Sloan-Kettering Memorial Hospital, officials announced today. The hospital, referred to as Memorial Sloan-Kettering Cancer Center (MSKCC) in medical journals, is starting a 3-year campaign that promotes … Read more

UConn Junior Thabeet Entering MLS Draft

HARTFORD, Conn. (AP) – After much speculation, University of Connecticut junior Hasheem Thabeet announced today that he would be declaring for Major League Soccer draft eligibility. The 7’3″ basketball star, after leading his team to the NCAA men’s semifinals, decided to forgo a career in the NBA and instead play his childhood sport professionally in … Read more