So I’m attempting to post this while Jamey is out of town in Austin, and let’s just say we’ll all be lucky if my actual writings make it up here as opposed to non-sensical gibberish and pictures that might be considered porn in many cultures. I’m kidding, but seriously, I’m not really sure how to actually post something or how this “blog” works. That having been said, the topic of the post for the day is Jamey’s lack of directional skill.
So, Jamey has hands-down the worst sense of direction of anyone I’ve ever known. If he were unlucky enough to have been born closer to pre-historic times, he would have been the evolutionarily unfit one who, while trying to find the Wooly Mammoth carcass found his way off the edge of a cliff, instead. By way of example: When we were in Richmond over Thanksgiving, I was discussing Jamey’s lack of an inner compass with his family. They all agreed with me that he was directionally-challenged, and one of his parents said, “Yeah Jamey, could you even find your way to Grandma’s house?”, to which Jamey replied (incredulously), “I’ve never even been to Grandma’s house!”. This is a lie–I’VE been to Grandma’s house a couple of times, which means Jamey has been there many times. Jamey couldn’t even remember being at Grandma’s house let alone remember how to get there, despite the fact that his Grandma lives in Richmond and he grew up there. Needless to say, if Jamey had to find Grandma in a pinch, he’d be just as likely to find his way off the edge of a cliff as to locate Grandma.
I also have the sneaking suspicion that he relies so heavily on written directions to get him from Point A to Point B, that he would end up following some completely counter-intuitive direction concocted by Google maps just because it was what the map told him. For example, if he was trying to drive from the condo to a new restaurant in town, if the directions said, “Step 5: Abandon your car by the side of the road and continue on foot for the next 10 miles–you may have to army crawl under the barbed-wire for a stretch of mile 6”, he’d probably still do it and show up all wide-eyed to dinner wondering why no one else was covered in dirt. (see also, Michael Scott driving into a pond during last season’s The Office because the rental car’s GPS told him so).
So, for anyone who likes a good laugh, I would highly recommend giving Jamey faulty directions somewhere (the more ridiculous the better) and watching him execute them perfectly–he’ll never find the place on his own.