My Greatest Fear

I’ll be honest—I’m a wimp. I’m scared of pretty much everything. I’m afraid of being mugged. I’m paranoid about spiders nesting under my skin while I sleep. I’m constantly worried I have food in my front teeth. When driving in certain parts of town, I seriously think that I’m going to be carjacked while I’m waiting at red lights.

But nothing scares me more than potato eyes.

I had my first contact with these insipid creatures while living at my old apartment. My roommate had bought some potatoes and forgotten about them, so one day I reached into the back of the pantry and was about to pull them out…when I realized that the potatoes were reaching back at me.

This freaked me out. I had never seen this before, and I refused to touch them. My roommate later threw them away, proclaiming that it wasn’t a big deal. But it was a big deal. What kind of a vegetable wants to grow arms and pluck you from the ground? That’s just creepy.

You may think I’m blowing this out of proportion, but mark my words. One day you’re going to turn on CNN to see a fully-grown potato with all sorts of limbs sprouting from his rotund body. Handcuffs around two of his “eyes,” smoking a cigarette with another one, he’ll be asked by a reporter why he forced his human roommate into the microwave and turned it on high.

“It was either him or me,” the spud will respond. “No skin off my back.”

(Potatoes are quick with a pun.)

Along the same lines of potato eyes is mold. Mold really freaks me out, particularly when I’m about to eat something that’s moldy (cheese, sour cream, salsa, bread, etc.) or have just eaten something moldy. It’s just that mold looks so otherworldly. Check out this fine delicacy that was extracted from my old company’s fridge a month ago:


Does that look like it was born and bred on American soil? Hell no. It looks like it oozed out of an asteroid crater and immediately mimicked its first sight on earth, a grassy knoll. This thing is seriously intelligent—look how those tendrils creeped out from under the impenetrable Rubbermaid seal in search of unsuspecting victims! We couldn’t even figure out what kind of food was in the container before the mold set in.

So there you have it, my two greatest fears: Potato eyes and mold. They will be my undoing.

Tomorrow:

There Will Be Popcorn

57 thoughts on “My Greatest Fear”

  1. You are apparently my soul mate. I noticed someone typed in “fear of potato eyes” into google to get to my blog so I typed it in myself. Until now, I thought I was alone in this fear.

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  2. Oh no, you’re not alone in this fear. I’ve never seen you at the SEP (Spud Eye Phobia) convention–maybe I’ll see you in Tampa this year.

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  3. My g/f is terrified of the eyes and even more so once they become long roots… She runs screaming! She says they’re like creatures… There should be a name for it.

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  4. I’m so happy that there are other people with this fear! My family and friends think I’m insane and a weirdo for thinking that potato eyes are so gross, but now I know I’m not alone (ugh, who else is just getting the heebee-jeebees just thinking about them?!)

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    • Oh, major heebee-jeebees. I think people without spudopticaphobia think it’s just a big joke. It’s not. It’s not funny when people put potatoes with eyes on my desk at work (but they think it is!) They’re the creepiest thing ever.

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  5. Wow i’m surprised Jamey. I love the spuds with tentacles. I love to put the potatoe in half a cup of water and i like to see it sprout. That’s what it’s called btw…sprouting…you know the same thing that beans do when you put them in dirt. Yep…go figure. Something that is organic and a plant actually grows. It’s also like when a person dies their nails and hair continue to grow. Same difference.

    As for the mold…..not scared of it either. Grossed out maybe, but not scared. I like that nature has a way of telling us when something is bad to eat…thus mold. Bacteria have feelings too y’know…lol. Just kidding. I don’t mean to mock….much.

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  6. ahh im so happy! other people are afraid of these! they always make me cry and my hearts sinks and there just… awful. hate it hate it hate it. its like watching a potato give birth or something… its growing!! its like a disease! like ringworm of potatos!! ahhhh!!

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  7. Oh my gollies. I hate potatoes with eyes or roots. My mother told me to throw out her potatoes when I was a teenager and my friend was over and I opened the cupboard and screamed and cried like a baby infront of my friend and backed up because that is how terrified I am of them. Ahh just thinking of them creaps me out I was searching the net to figure out the correct name for the phobia when I came across this

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    • I’m amazed and how many people share this phobia. I have the same reaction when I see potato eyes…man they’re creepy.

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  8. Hi, I told a friend in work today that I have a fear of potato sprouts (eyes) she just laughed at me and called me a weirdo! I had the same thing. Went into the cupboard and felt the sprouts, my mouth filled up with water and I was nearly sick. I now can’t look at them and have to have someone remove the potatos with them on. I’m so glad I aint the only one. I was also googling to see if this is a actual documented phobia. Spudopticaphobia will do for me! 🙂

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    • I’m not sure if any real studies have been done on spudopticaphobia, but based on the response to this entry, there are plenty of other people out there like you! 🙂

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  9. OH MY GOSH!! I am sooooo scared of them too! I seriously get the heebie jeebies and shivers!! My mom used to let them get like 3-4 feet long before she would remember she had them and generally I would find them…I seriously almost pass out! Cant handle it!!

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  10. I thought I was completely alone in this fear. Im so relieved to find other people with a similar phobia. My friends actually laugh in my face when I tell them but im am sincerely freaked out by potato eyes. It all started with a bizarre dream when I was 4 or 5. It involved the sprouts wrapping themselves around me. It absolutely terrorized my and I’ve avoided raw potatoes ever since. Just recently, my grandmother pulled out a potato with sprouts and I just burst into tears.. scared the life out of me. I’m glad to know I’m not the only one 🙂

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    • That is a terrifying dream! I have to admit that I’m pleasantly surprised at the number of people who share this fear. 🙂

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  11. Oh my god, I’m so glad I found out I’m not alone in this horrible fear.
    I’ve hated those potatoes for as long as I can remember. Every time I see even the smallest little eye I run away and start crying!
    My family thinks I’m crazy for it but they still never ask me to get the potatoes from the cupboard or anything 🙂

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  12. Wow, I thought I was alone in this fear but it seems there are many others who share this. My whole family knows about my fear and they constantly try to trick me by setting one on the tv remote or something like that. Two years ago for christmas I got a present from my aunt and when i opened it up, it was a potato with huuuuuge spindly eyes that were about 6 inches long. I think my fear started because I’m terrified of worms, and one day my mother had the nerve to say that they looked like white disgusting worms crawling their way out of a potato. I haven’t been the same since. Recently, my mother thought it would be funny to demonstrate my fear to my new boyfriend and so she shoved one at me and I screamed and ran away and hid in a corner, shaking and crying. This is a sincere problem.

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  13. I’m horrified of sprouting potatoes. Not many other ordinary things bother me like this. It just seems so unnatural how a potato in a dark pantry can sprout large growths. I just don’t understand. I was searching if others shared this fear and the pictures on sites were making me anxious and sick feeling.

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  14. I share your fear of potato eyes. They are terrifying! My mother always makes me peel the potatoes for her, but if I see a single sprout, I will avoid the pantry for weeks

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    • Ashlee–You’ve found others like you here. Someday scientists will invent potatoes that don’t grow eyes, and the world will be a safer place.

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  15. I have no idea what brought on this fear of potato eyes for me, but I have been terrified of them since I was a child. My older brother always thought it was hilarious and would chase me around the house with them. I am 22 years old and to this day, I cry if I am forced to cut them from the potato.

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    • Brooke–I’m impressed that you’re able to cut them from the potato. I’m sure I could do it if I was forced to, but rarely does anyone force me to cut potatoes. So if they have eyes, they go in the trash can.

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  16. Im so happy!!!!! my flatmate teases me all the time, she sends me pictures all the time as a joke, ive tried to explian the fear and the repulsion i feel when i see potato eyes….its horrible, it makes my skin crawl…
    Im so happy i found that others in this world share this, well im sorry its just as hideous for others but its made me feel a little better!

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      • Thank you!!! i’ve since printed your page and shown all who mock! i love your name for it, however with all the weird phobias in this world im surprised there is not an offical one! anyway thanks for making me less of a weirdo…and together rid the world of those nasty nasty eys!!!!

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      • Thank you!!! i’ve since printed your page and shown all who mock! i love your name for it, however with all the weird phobias in this world im surprised there is not an offical one! anyway thanks for making me less of a weirdo…and together rid the world of those nasty nasty eyes!!!!

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  17. I am overwhelmed with joy, because I’m not alone. This has been a huge problem for me. It started with the potatoes, and now it has turned into anything that remotely looks like it, such as vines. I actually picked up a book from my library called “A PostSecret Book: My Secret” where people write on postcards, their biggest secrets and fears, and send them in. Someone sent one in about a fear of these horrible.. Things, and I immediately burst into tears because I was happy that I’m not alone in this. So, thank you (:

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    • Kayla–I’m glad you can relate to this one! I had no idea so many people would share the same fear. And I’m glad that PostSecret made it official. 🙂

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  18. This is amazing! Like so many of you, I had no idea that there were others who were afraid of potato eyes like I am. They’re just horrifying. Once my family and friends found out, they started to torture me by casually leaving them around the house. They just don’t realize how much of a REAL phobia it is – my heart starts pounding, I just have to get it out of my sight. I can’t blame them, though – it’s probably pretty funny watching me freak out over such a small thing. But it’s definitely a big deal to me!

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    • Megan–I honestly think there’s something nightmarish about them. I don’t even keep potatoes in my house anymore just in case there’s the slightest chance they’ll grow eyes.

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  19. I can’t believe how many other people are afraid of potato eyes! We just found an engorged tick on the floor that fell off the dog and my husband was freaking out. I was laughing at him, so he got a potato with some eyes sprouting out of it and he held it up in my face. Of course I screamed and ran away….it make my hair stand on end! He can’t believe I can look at an engorged tick but I can’t look at sprouting potatoes. Well I’m just glad I’m not the only one!

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    • Jamie–I have to say, I don’t mind insects, but there’s something about an engorged tick that freaks me out. It’s so alien looking! But if I had a choice, I’d rather face an engorged tick than a potato eye.

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      • Don’t get me wrong, the tick was disgusting. But I didn’t scream when I saw it like I did when the potato torture started. In other situations I would plan for retaliation, but the thought of waking up with a potato in my bed is just too terrifying. I’m going to have to let this one go.

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  20. I’m generally known as a very rational, scientific-minded person, but I also run screaming from sprouted potatoes and refuse to pick them up. Rationally, I know it’s just a plant growing roots, and I can’t give any explanation for my behavior when asked. Glad to see I’m not alone, at least.

    Like you, I’m also terrified of mold. I like to think this one’s a bit more rational, as mold can be poisonous and sometimes even infectious. However, my fear of it goes beyond anything that could possibly be warranted. I once threw out an entire (really good) pot rather than open it and clean it out, because it had sat in my fridge with what used to be green chili stew in it for a very long time. I didn’t even WANT to know what was inside. The phrase “shudder to think” became quite literal here.

    These are two of the reasons I generally don’t cook.

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    • I hear you, Xezlec. Mold is quite creepy. I suspect that at some point, mold will become sentient and take over the world.

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      • Anything that can sprout in as inhospitable a place as a kitchen cupboard is evil. That goes for spouting potatoes…and sprouting onions, too! They freak me the hell out, man! They’re of the devil, I tell ya!

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  21. I’m so glad I’m not the only 1 too 😀 Genuinely thought I was really strange and everyone around me thought i was even stranger lol, even my boyfriend has had to cope with my fear as when I last found sprouting potatoes in my cupboard i ran away and hid until he had cut them off and thrown them away >.<

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  22. Worry not Lina, you are not alone!!! its been a while since i responded to this site, we are a small few but since last year i have stopped buying potatoes! your not strange at all….or we all are!

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    • Thanks Lina and Severina. This remains one of my top fears after all these years. Like Severina, I simply don’t buy potatoes anymore!

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  23. Oh my god! As everyone else has said, I had no idea that I wasn’t alone in my fear of potato eyes. Ever since I was a small child I have been absolutely terrified of them. My mother always thought I was just joking around but they truly scare me to the core. I have no idea what stemmed this phobia- it’s just so irrational but unfortunately that doesn’t stop me from bursting into hysterics and running away whenever I come face to face with the evil rooted potato. I’ve only ever touched one of the roots once and it set me into a full blown anxiety attack that lasted for around a 1/2 hour. Mold is my second greatest fear- I feel like they do kind of go hand in hand. So glad to have found you guys! <3

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  24. I’m not alone! My family laughs at me and tells me I’m being ridiculous when I avoid potatoes with sprouts… Mom thinks it’s so silly. Like everyone else, no clue where the fear stems from. I always thought people with irrational phobias were dramatic, but I totally get it now.
    I could probably handle one if I HAD to, but seeing them makes my chest tighten before I can talk myself into reality again.

    Thanks for validating my fear of those freaky things!

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  25. Potato eyes.. to me are the MOST DISGUSTING THING IN THE ENTIRE WORLD. THEY LOOK SO GROSS!! When ever i see them, my skin gets all freakin’ bumpy, thankfully.. They don’t scar me enough to not eat french fries anymore..

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  26. Omg seriously I thought I was the only one…. almost the exact same scenerio happened to me also. Strange thing is mold is also a very close second on my list of fears. It is a big deal! No sun no soil no water and these things still grow into creatures in the cupboard it’s not right it’s not ok and when the world comes to an end there will be a potatoe floating thru space still growing without any help at all. Creeepppy stuff dude

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