Questions of the Day: Part One

My friend Josh and I had a unique way of staying in touch with each other during our sophomore year of college. Every day, one of us would send the other a hypothetical question, and the other person would answer it and include a new question at the end of the e-mail. We called these “Questions of the Day,” or QODs. Most of the questions and answers were nonsensical, but it was a fun way to stay in touch. When I was looking for my paper on the safest city in the United States (see yesterday’s blog), I stumbled upon a document that contained of all of the QODs we exchanged. Some of the questions are classics, and I’ve included little snippets of the answers, which are generally much too long and vulgar to print (we were sophomores in college! Most of our brain power was expended on thoughts of breasts). There are too many to print in today’s blog, so I’ll post one list a day for the next few Sundays.

Day One

Question: What is the “eye of the tiger?” What’s inspirational about that phrase? That’s like saying “right butt cheek of the hippopotamus” or “leg hair of the emu.”

Answer: Tigers just have really scary eyes.

Question: The NRA opposes the one-handgun-a-month law. What are these people doing that they need more than one gun a month?! Are they losing them? If they are, isn’t that more reason to not let them have another one? How many guns does it take to “protect your family?” This isn’t the wild west, where guys carry a half dozen guns around their waste to sling around during a showdown at dawn. Do they think they’ll be attacked by fifty muggers at once and forced to shoot their way to freedom?

Answer: Of course they lose guns. I can barely keep track of my chapstick, much less my .45.

Question: If humans evolved from monkeys, why do monkey’s still exist? I found this question on the back of a bathroom stall and it truly perplexed me.

Answer: I can only assume that God looked at the monkey and felt that the world would be a much more boring place without them, so He let them remain even after we evolved.

Question: Last night I saw a VH1 special on TLC. After they made millions of dollars and released several platinum albums, the spent all their money. They had to file for bankruptcy and start all over. They made it sound like I was supposed to feel bad for them or send them money or something. Am I supposed to feel sorry for them? They HAD tons of money but spent it ALL. Its not like they were working 80 hours a week to support a family.

Answer: Yes you’re supposed to feel sorry for TLC. I sure do. A day does not pass that I do not look in the mirror and sing “Waterfalls” to myself.

Question: How can someone be a full time student and have a part time job at the same time? Mathematically, this is not possible. If you really do have a part time job and go to school, aren’t you technically using part of your time as a student and another part working?

Answer: Have you ever heard a coach ask you to give “110%” on the baseball field? In the same way, a full time student (100%) can also work part time (50%)–essentially giving 150% of their time and effort.

Question: In musicals, people consistently break out in perfectly synchronized song-and dance routines. Does this actually happen in real life? If so, when and where?

Answer: This happens in my life all the damn time. It seems like every time I burst into a little oldie medley, there are a dozen people behind just dances their little asses off. It’s creepy.


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0 thoughts on “Questions of the Day: Part One”

  1. Brilliant! By the way, I assume I’ll be collecting royalties for this series of posts?

    And for the record, I still expend most of my brainpower on thoughts of breasts…and I hope to God that never changes.


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