Questions of the Day: Part Two

(This is a continuation of last week’s Monday post, found here.)

Question: Why did the political parties choose such smelly, dirty animals to represent their parties? An elephant and a donkey? What’s up with that?

Answer: I guess these smelly, dirty animals are the ones that the parties identify with most. Have you ever seen Al Gore in the shower? Me neither.

Question: Why do department stores like Kohl’s always have a sale going on? Every time I go in there they say its the biggest sale of a lifetime. How long are these people lives? The price tag on a pair of jeans says $80, sale price $30. I have never seen these clothes at regular prices. Do they think they’re fooling people?

Answer: If you buy a pair of jelly shoes for $5 when they were originally $15, you are gaining $5. So that means if you walk into K-Mart with $23 and buy those shoes, you’re going to spend $5 (net $18), and in doing so gain the $10 you would have spent had you bought those shoes at their original price, meaning you walk out of the store with a net $28. You just put $5 in your wallet, and you have a fine pair of jelly shoes to show for it.

Question: Where is the electoral college? How much is tuition? Are there lots of hot girls there?

Answer: It’s a 4-year institution located in Springfield, the tuition is paid for by the U.S. government, and yes, there are a few hot girls there.

Question: Where does the phrase “happy as a clam” come from? I’ve seen many, many clams in my time but I could never tell that any of them were especially happy. They’re really just boogers in a shell. What’s there to be so happy about? I’d be super pissed off if I had to spend my whole life stuck in the mud at the bottom of a dirty river only to have some jerk catch me, tear me open, and eat my booger-like body.

Answer: Clams are perceived as happy because they don’t have to pay taxes.

Question: I’ve never understood the phrase “head over heels in love.” Why not just say, “I’m standing up, and I’m in love?”

Answer: The original phrase came from ancient Hindi and can be found in the Kama Sutra. Originally, the saying was “heels over head in love,” referring to a very uncomfortable sexual position.

Question: Why is it called a “rest room?” I have never walked in there and said, “Hey! It smells very bad in here and someone peed on the floor. I think I’ll take a nap.”

Answer: (Too long to post here—it’s an extensive answer that involves an explanation about “wresting one’s bowels free.”)

Question: If a human is can survive without one of his/her kidneys, why do humans have two kidneys?

Answer: God gave us two kidneys so that we could sell one on the black market.


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