Archive for July, 2008

If These Walls Could Talk

I want to start off by saying that I’m not a fan of wallpaper. I associate it with homes built in the ‘60s—putrid greens, faded yellows, mauve sheets of paper stuck to the walls, curling at the corners. Just doesn’t hold good connotations for me. Plus, it seems like such a hassle to put up. […]

Jamey Goes to a Rap Concert

(Warning: This is far less amusing than what it could have been.) A few months ago, a law clerk in St. Louis mentioned to Caroline that he’s a member of a rap group. He invited her to a concert, and she didn’t end up going that time. Last week, she ran into him again and […]


Caroline’s grandfather is a bit of a legend in these parts. As a college student, she used to visit him at his home in Arkansas, and he’d send her back with a few bottles of home-brewed alcohol in her truck. Cherry brandy, blackberry vodka, cantaloupe vodka…name a fruit (or anything that grows in the ground), […]

Where I Write

I often get mail from readers* asking about where I write. Personally, I’m fascinated about my favorite writers’ working spaces—I wish there was a coffee-table book of photos of famous authors’ desks. I want to know how they organize 600-page plotlines and characters and settings within the bounds of a single desktop. I want to […]

Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

We’re entering an age when people can write and send e-mails from their cell phones. This is probably the future, a time when you’re never separated from spam, ever. Fine. I’m okay with that. I appreciate connections. That being said, why do remote e-mailers always have to tell me where they’re sending their e-mail from? […]

The Dark Knight

“So this is what happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object.” Most superhero movies feel like a few action set pieces strung together by scenes that involve a lot of talking. This year, Iron Man did a great job of entertaining viewers throughout the movie, even in scenes that didn’t involve fights and […]

The Batman in Arkansas

Before I get to my spoiler-free review of The Dark Knight, which I had the pleasure of seeing Saturday night in Mountain Home, Arkansas, I’d like to tell a quick story of something that happened while I was watching the movie. Something that will forever define me. Something that transformed me from a simple North […]

A Fool’s Bargain

A friend of mine called the other night with a query. He had encountered a situation at a dinner gathering and couldn’t figure out how to handle it. So he dialed The Truth. Here’s the situation: My friend, who I’ll call Poughkeepsie Bill, was at a restaurant with 15 people, only a few of whom […]

Another Cutters Miracle

Today I went in for my third haircut at Cutters & Co (previously reviewed here). After Angie put the warm washcloth on my face and shampooed and massaged my hair, she sat me up and said, “Do you mind if I trim your eyebrows?” A fair question. My eyebrows are somewhat unruly. They’ve been known […]

Why I’ll Never Own an iPhone

When I first read about the iPhone, I thought it was brilliant. iPod combined with phone combined with a beautiful touch screen that also happens to be motion sensitive. Great concept. Then the iPhone 2 came out last week. Once more, I got really excited. This iPhone was better than ever—it had everything its predecessor […]

Pet Peeve #137: Line Dancing at Weddings

After attending so many weddings in such a short amount of time, I’ve noticed a few trends, most of them positive. There is, however, one aspect of these weddings that happens during the dance portion of the evening that I’ve realized I really don’t like. If you read the subject line, you know what it […]

Misguided Advertising Campaigns

Today I was driving on the highway when I noticed I truck next to me with a peculiar logo. It was a truck owned by Shermann-Williams, the paint company, and this was the logo: “Cover the Earth?” Probably tens of thousands of dollars spent on an advertising that would represent the company image, and they […]

The Jamey Vault: Caroline’s Cravings

If one were an anthropologist observing Caroline from afar, you’d find yourself absorbed in a subject whose appetite changes with every whim of the wind. One minute she’s sucking jalapenos dry, then next she’s lumbering off the grocery store to find marshmallows. She’s a creature of constant cravings. Sometimes the cravings are triggered by television […]

Little Did They Know…

The doors to the restaurant open, and hungry guests stream in. They’re wearing starched white shirts, silky dresses, pearl necklaces, and cufflinks. The reviews have lauded the restaurant’s appetizers and entrees, not to mention the marquee dessert, billows of cream caressed with crème de cacao. Conversations and laughter fill the room as couples flirt over […]

A Tip for Movie Preview Editors

While recovering from strep and my old friend the abscess this weekend, I saw two movies: Wall-E and Hancock. Two very, very different films, but they did have one thing in common: Their trailers and previews showed clips from the first third of the movie, no more. This, I have to say, was a delight. […]

How I Spent My Government Economic Stimulus Check at the Hospital on the Fourth of July

No, this isn’t a crazy I-Tried-to-Launch-Fireworks-with-My-Bare-Hands story. It is, however, a story about karma. About love. About cats. And about pus. Just to warn you, the latter parts of this story are not for the faint of heart. Even if you’re made of steel, you’ll still probably be disgusted. I’m not going to sugar-coat any […]


Because I flatly refuse to own coasters (who in their right mind thought of something specifically made to put between cups and a flat surface perfectly suited for cups?!), Caroline and I use magazines and old mail on our coffee table instead. I’ve been sick these last few days, so I’ve spent a lot of […]

My "Stuff White People Like" Contest Entry

Recently, one of the funniest blogs out there, Stuff White People Like (essentially a handbook to understanding white people), had a contest open to anyone who wanted to write an entry about stuff white people like. I didn’t win the contest, so I’ve posted my entry below. Adoption of Non-White People One thing prized by […]