Caroline’s grandfather is a bit of a legend in these parts. As a college student, she used to visit him at his home in Arkansas, and he’d send her back with a few bottles of home-brewed alcohol in her truck. Cherry brandy, blackberry vodka, cantaloupe vodka…name a fruit (or anything that grows in the ground), and he had made a type of alcohol from it. Back in the day, he experimented with grain alcohol, but now his recipes were simpler and less risky: two cups fruit, two cups store-bought alcohol, one cup sugar. Mix, stir, wait 8 weeks, strain, and drink. That’s it.

Grampahol isn’t an everyday kind of drink, so Caroline and I have saved up a bit in our fridge. So this past Saturday, we invited some friends over to help us drink it. We had a good time, and no one got hurt…but just in case, I had everyone sign the following waiver (actually, it was more of a joke and I didn’t make anyone sign it, but a few people did anyway). In case you ever get some hands on some Grampahol and need a liability form, feel free to use the following template:

Grampahol Hold Harmless Policy
Liability Form

A. All who drinketh from the cup of Grampahol at Jamey and Caroline’s condo (hereafter referred to as “the condo”), shall not hold Jamey, Caroline, or Grampa liable for (1) any damage or injuries occurring as a result of you or your group’s consumption of Grampahol, including (but not limited to) hallucinations, waking dreams, temporary blindness, the shakes, anal fissures, night sweats, general malaise, extreme intoxication, fat face, loss of hair, unnatural hair growth, webbed fingers, homelessness, cat breath, dementia, unexpected pregnancy, or any permanent loss of smell, taste, sight, hearing, or sexual curiosity, or (2) any claims, demands, or actions arising from you or your group’s use of said Grampahol.

B. Your group and you will defend, hold harmless, and indemnify the condo, its agents, and members, from all expenses, court costs, attorney’s fees, settlement sums, and judgments occurring or arising from A. (1) and A. (2) above, and

C. To the degree anyone claims based upon assignment or subrogation by your group and you will wholly satisfy or release those claims.

“I have fully read and understand the fees and requirements for the use of the facility and will comply with them.”

0 thoughts on “Grampahol”

  1. This must have been what the Barenaked Ladies were singing about when they said “‘Cause it’s so dangerous you’ll have to sign a waiver.”

    Even lesser known fact: They were singing about me with “Hot like wasabi when I bust rhymes.” Check this out:

    All my friends would rightly shame me
    If I didn’t read this blog by Jamey

  2. The Barenaked Ladies consulted Grampa before writing that song (after which he had to sign a waiver of silence).

    Thanks for your comment–may I ask how you found out about this blog?

  3. I was at Starbucks — I remember I had just ordered a grande mocha — and one of my lawyer friends mentioned that I should check it out. So here I am!

  4. For our other readers, you can see that Regina is using the Truth Against the World's "Refer a Friend" system. Just for giving this blog a try, Regina and her "lawyer friend" will receive a life-size cutout of me dressed as either Iron Man or Batman (retail price: $3.99; $29.99 S&H not included).

  5. I miss Grampahol. It was what made my hair start falling out. How much do you suppose it would take to end up completely hairless and smooth as a baby seal?

    If the life-size cutout is a real promotion, I’ll get somebody to read this.

  6. How much Grampahol would it take to end up as smooth as a baby seal. By my calculations, three shots.

    I just looked up “custom life-size cardboard cutouts,” and they’re like $150. So obviously everyone will get one.


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