JoshVision: Question of the Day

QOD: At weddings, the groom slips his hands up the brideʼs dress and pulls out the garter. So in turn, why doesnʼt the bride extract the bouquet from the groomʼs pants?

A: While it’s not exactly a tit for tat (pardon the pun) arrangement to have the bride retrieving her bouquet from the trousers of her new husband, even if it were, I completely understand why it’s not common practice. Reaching under the dress for the garter is 100% typical dude. It’s manly and awesome. That singular action exemplifies the best principal of marriage–that you now own that bitch and can therefore do anything you want to her, even with her parents watching! Stick your head right up her dress! So what? Hell, her parents will probably even cheer you on. Grandma might even get into the act (of cheering, not de-gartering).

The bride on the other hand must hold onto at least some respect. She’s a lady after all, and can’t be reaching all nimbly bimbly into someone’s pants, even if he is her new husband. That type of behavior is reserved only for the strict privacy of a honeymoon suite with the lights off and the door locked. Those are the rules.