Wearing Nametags Like a Champion

I’m not great at remembering names when I first meet people. Let me clarify that: I’m not great at hearing names when I first meet people. I do everything right—I look them in the eyes, repeat the name, create a mnemonic device in my head (“Sebastian is a bastion of human rights in Pakistan”). But it’s not enough. I don’t really hear any of it because, as a friend put it so succinctly, I’m too focused on successfully telling the person my name at the right time.

New Person: Hey, have we met?

Me: Jamey Stegmaier!

Thus, name tags really help. At my church, for the first month of each semester, we encourage everyone to wear nametags. That way you can visualize the names of new people you meet as well as people you’ve known for years but never learned their names.

At a happy hour the other day, however, I realized that there’s a major flaw in the way women wear nametags. So I’m going to tell you how to wear your nametag like a champion.

The issue lies in the breasts. Women have them. Based on my research, men enjoy breasts and like to look at them. However, men don’t want to be caught looking at breasts. It’s what we do when you’re talking to someone else.

So when a man first meets a woman at a happy hour or social event, he needs to be able to look at your nametag without looking at your breasts. They’re distracting (the breasts), and frankly, it’s embarrassing. We’re looking at your nametag to be polite, but we feel like we’re objectifying you.

Just to put this all in perspective, wearing your nametag on your breasts is equivalent to a man wearing his nametag just below his belt buckle. Wouldn’t that make you feel uncomfortable, looking down there when you first meet a guy?

Here’s my solution: Don’t wear your nametag on your breasts. Put it as high up on your shirt as possible or even on your shoulder. In fact, the upper arm right near the shoulder is perfect, particularly your hand-shaking shoulder. That way when you greet someone for the first time, that shoulder is turned to them for easy reading. The breasts aren’t involved at all.

I don’t mean this to be offensive or inflammatory in anyway. It’s just my way of making the world a better place. Wear your nametag like a champion. Put it on your shoulder.