Archive for November, 2008

The Urban Loincloth

The other day I was talking with a few friends about the movie Last of the Mohicans. One of the girls commented that she really liked the movie because of a few scenes involving Daniel Day-Lewis and his loincloth (note: I did a Google image search for DDL in the loincloth for the blog, but, […]


From the Mailbag: Harry Potter

Question: Why doesn’t Harry Potter just wear contacts? –Suzanne Filmore, Sioux Falls Suzy–Interesting query. Harry does have a distinctive style with those glasses–kind of the foppishly cool look previously perfected by Hugh Grant (also a former Hogwarts student). But do they make sense? Even just a few months into his first year of wizardry, it’s […]


From the Mailbag: Men's Shirts

Question: What’s the deal with little plastic inserts in men’s shirt collars? –Bob Z., St. Louis Bob–Good question. Just today I put a nice button-down shirt with two plastic inserts in the wash, and only one of the inserts came out. For balance, I removed the remaining insert. The obvious answer is that the inserts […]


Bonus Link

My brother sent me a link to a website I’ve never heard of called Tobacco Avenue. It’s like the Onion, but specifically for Richmond, Virginia (where I’m from). They also apparently have a print version (although, that might be a joke too). I think the cover of this magazine (click on link) is one of […]


From the Mailbag: Leo

Question: Are you Leonardo Di Caprio’s long-lost brother? (I watched The Beach last night…ugh.) —NQL NQL: Although Leo is not my long-lost brother, he’s been like a brother to me. In the good times and the bad, the happy times and the sad, I knew I could always call him up and say, “Hey, Leo, […]


From the Mailbag: JoshVision: Question of the Day

Today I was going to try to field one of NQL’s many questions, but I realized that it was better answered by the answerer of all questions, JoshVision. Thus: QOD: Why is a bar called a “bar”? Answer: The term “bar” originated in the Prohibition era, a sad time in our history when it was illegal […]


Pet Peeve of the Hour

The Pet Peeve: When you call ahead to order a pick-up lunch from a nearby restaurant, wait the alloted time before arriving, and the order isn’t ready when you get there. Call me picky, but that’s the kind of thing that makes me not want to patronize that restaurant in the future. Thanks for ruining […]


Bicyclists: Share the Road!

When the gas prices skyrocketed this past summer, it seemed like there was a sudden proliferation of bicyclists on the road. I don’t know the rules in other cities, but in St. Louis, you can’t bike on the sidewalk, so the bicyclists were literally on the road. Problem is, American streets aren’t made for bicyclists. In […]


Six Packs and Google

As poker started today, I plucked a can of Strongbow cider from the plastic rings that bound it to its kin. I also removed the last can and was about to throw away the rings before I stopped in my tracks. Something programmed into me since I was a kid held me back. “If you […]


How to Use My Bathroom

I have a fairly small office with the added bonus of an attached bathroom. It’s straight ahead as you walk into the office–toilet, sink, trashcan, cabinet with odd reading materials on top. The bare essentials. (I want it put on the record that I never read anything while on the toilet, particularly a toilet used […]


My Greatest Fear: Part 2

I’ve already discussed my first greatest fear: potato eyes. I haven’t conquered that fear. In fact, at this very moment, there’s a bag of potatoes in my fridge that may or may not be trying to kill me. I don’t know. I’m afraid to touch the bag, lest it reach out and grab me, so […]


Skunky Spice

No, it’s not the name of a new Spice Girl. It’s the label I’m putting on the remaining fourth of a bottle of Old Spice aftershave in my bathroom. Here’s why. Last week, I got out of the shower, put on Old Spice deodorant (Pure Sport…why this detail matters I do not know. I just […]


An Open Letter to Anonymous Commenters

Anonymous Commentors, I want to preface this letter with a note: I’m honored whenever someone takes the time to post a comment on this blog. I check every day to see how many people visit this website, but I never know if people have any sort of reaction or enjoyment from what I write unless […]


A Tribute to Dave Barry (Yes, He's Still Alive)

When I was growing up, there was one section in the paper I looked forward to before the comics (when young) and the sports section (when not as young): Dave Barry’s weekly column. If you haven’t heard of Dave Barry, I highly recommend you check out his work. I’m sure you can find it with […]


Peter Pan Syndrome

NOTE: A concerned reader pointed out that Peter Pan Syndrome is an actual syndrome. I hope it’s obvious that my blog is not intentionally inflammatory; if this entry offended anyone, I apologize. Some women look ravishingly beautiful with short, cropped hair. Others look cute and hipster-ish. However, those two categories are significantly outnumbered by all […]


A Cure for Hiccups

I was at a wedding the past spring, one of many. At this particular wedding, I was listening to the speeches given by the maid of honor and best man when I started hiccuping. My body shook every few seconds, muscles involuntarily tightening and then loosening. A friend placed her hand on my back to […]


I Survived Three Rogue Strains of the Flu Virus Being Injected Directly Into My Body: A Survivor's True Tale of Survival Against All Odds

At 2:27 this afternoon, I was subjected to a bizarre series of experiments that culminated in three rogue (the “nurse” called them “dormant”) strains of the flu virus being injected directly into my upper arm, no more than four inches away from my heart. 9 hours later, against all odds, I’m still alive. I am […]


Black Thorn Review: Of Mice and Pizza

I had this whole glowing review written in my head even before I arrived at the Black Thorn Pub (St. Louis) on Friday. I’d been there before, so I was fully prepared to rave about their pizza and their shuffleboard table, insist that you go there, and further insist that you share a few slices […]


They Melt in Your Hand, Not Just Your Mouth

This is just blantantly false advertising.


Yep, It's a Dude

A few weeks ago I discussed what to do if you go to give someone a high five but encounter a fist pound offer instead. Today I offer an even greater threat to mankind: When the sleek, svelte legs you’re admiring–legs so feminine that you just assume they belong to a woman–turn out to be […]


On the Riverfront

I just got the word that my blog (specifically, a recent entry about how I want women to smell) is featured as the Riverfront Times’ “Blog O’ the Week” this week. It’s a feature in the Unreal section of the RFT that highlights local blogs. I’m not sure how the RFT stumbled upon my blog, […]


The American Vote

I’m sitting here at my computer, refreshing CNN.com so that I can see the election results as they pour in (particularly those from Virginia, my home state). For some reason I’m thinking of an attack ad I saw against Barack Obama the other day. The ad poses the following questions: Would you get on a […]


A Quick Concert Primer

Last night I went to the Kings of Leon concert at The Pageant in St. Louis. It was an incredible show–great band, great song selection, great crowd. And in a non-smoking atmosphere, to top it all off. I did learn two things while observing the the bands (The Whigs and We Are Scientists opened for […]


A Halloween Primer

As an adult, Halloween has not been a holiday that I particularly enjoy. This has to do with a key dichotomy between kid Halloweens and young adult Halloweens (there’s also married adult Halloweens, which will come later in life).  The purpose behind kid Halloweens is the pursuit of candy. Kids go through the whole rigamarole […]