10 Simple Rules for Bringing Drinks to a House Party

  1. The second you walk into the house party with your beer/cider/Raspberry-Pomegranate Michelob Ultra, the drinks enter the public domain.
  2. You are entitled to the first can or bottle of whatever you brought. (Exception: A hot girl asks for one of your bottles before you open one for yourself. Hence the Raspberry-Pomegranate Michelob Ultra.)
  3. You are responsible for being able to open whatever you bring. This may require a bottle-opener key chain, which will immediately relegate you as “the guy over there with the bottle-opener.”
  4. No matter how eclectic your drinks are (i.e., limited-edition Kirin Ichiban, hickory-aged peach frambois, or a 30-pack of Natty Light), all of your cans/bottles except for one are fair game.
  5. Loophole #1: If the other guests can’t find your drinks, you can continue drinking them until they do. Try hiding your drinks in the cheese or vegetable drawers in the fridge, on the balcony, or in the toilet tank.
  6. Loophole #2: If you bring your own cooler to the party and keep your drinks in there, you maintain the right of refusal over anyone trying to access those drinks. Just don’t be an ass about it.
  7. Don’t complain if someone drinks what you brought. That’s just annoying.
  8. Double-fisting is socially acceptable.
  9. Triple-fisting is not.
  10. If you should spill your drink or break your glass, you are required to say “party foul” once, look around as if you’re talking about someone else, and then discretely clean up the mess.
Bonus Rule for Hosts: Don’t charge for drinks at your party. People chose to make you popular for one night by going to your house/apartment/loft. It’s worth the $60 investment to stock up on Schlafly Pale and Bud Select. You never know when your party will be the stuff of legends.

0 thoughts on “10 Simple Rules for Bringing Drinks to a House Party”

  1. Really? REALLY? Gabby gets a guest photo appearance on your blog? What about your prettiest class of 2005 Indian friend, Jamey? WHAT ABOUT HER???

  2. OK Lamatta, this means war. Of course a guest photo appearance of me. I am like the the 40 hands spokeperson, and besides I think you are supposed to say Native American.

    Gabby “Mr 40 Hands” Izsak


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