Here is a list of imponderable questions, accompanied, of course, by a photo of me imitating a penguin. (Or is the penguin imitating me?)

On a scale from 1 to 10, how impractical would it be for me to run through a giant sheet of paper (like football players do in the movies) every time I enter a room?

Regarding the expression “dirt cheap,” exactly how much does dirt cost? Surely there is something cheaper to use as the standard of cheapness.

Did Jesus’ siblings resent him for being so perfect? Did their teachers chide them for “not being more like Jesus?”

If the Manning parents adopted Michael Vick as their fourth son, would any NFL team let him play for them?

If meat grew on trees, could vegetarians eat it?

What is a one-trick pony’s one trick?

Who actually keeps a laundry list of clothes they’re about to wash?

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