Official Bachelor Party Results

This past Sunday, I posted an entry and a poll about what you’re allowed to do at your bachelor party. I was looking to establish some universal rules and guidelines about bachelor parties. Below are my conclusions and a few observations.

Note that these results are based on the assumption that 30 people voted on this poll (the top result got 29 votes, so I’m adding on for posterity).

What You’re Allowed to Do at Your Bachelor Party

  1. Hang out with friends and have a few beers (97% of respondents)
  2. Go to a strip club (80%)
  3. Get a lap dance (67%)
  4. Get a private stripper for your party (53%)

What You’re Not Allowed to Do at Your Bachelor Party

  1. Sleep with another woman (3%)
  2. Make out with another woman (3%)
  3. Consume substances you ordinarily would not (23%)
  4. Dance provocatively with another woman (33%)

What’s really interesting to me is the way we perceive non-strippers versus their stripper counterparts. A professional strips down to a floss-thin g-string and rubs all over you? That’s fine. A fully clothed woman comes up to you at a club and starts to grind on you? No way, Jose. You’ve gone too far. (Sidenote: What did Jose ever do that was so wrong? Josh–answer.)

I don’t know how closely you watched the votes come in, but there’s something else interesting hidden in the numbers. From a cursory glance, it looks like the same person approved both sleeping and making out with another woman. But no–those were two separate voters. That means that unless someone was joking around, there’s a guy out there who thinks that it’s okay to sleep with another woman at his bachelor party but not kiss her. Mystery voter, could you explain?

Overall, I think we have a solid understanding of what the standard rules for bachelor parties are. The private stripper is on the borderline, but the rest are pretty clear. Gentlemen, feel free to refer to this when you’re talking to your girlfriend about this special night.

0 thoughts on “Official Bachelor Party Results”

  1. Well, my words were “this special night,” meaning one of many special nights. I didn’t want to say something like “your last night of freedom,” because I don’t think that makes sense. You’re already fully committed to the other person, and hopefully you’re free with them.

    Ah, semantics 🙂

  2. “Jose” (whose real name ironically wasn’t even Jose but rather Hector Franklin Delano Canizares, more on that later) was a Conquistador who fought with us in the Spanish American War, you know, the one where we fought for our independence with Mexico against Spain in 1812. I won’t go into all of the details here, but Hector did some pretty crazy and heroic things during the war, including but not limited to the planting of the flag at Iwo Jima, building and piloting the first manned submarine, dying in a kamikaze style plane crash on the deck of a Spanish aircraft carrier, and assassinating Hitler.

    Following the war, he was asked to meet President Lincoln to receive a well earned congratulations and coveted Key to the United States award. While standing on the steps of the White House, Hector, who had not used the bathroom since the war began, discretely asked if he may be excused a moment to use the presidential facilities.

    President Lincoln, who was terrible with names, turned to Hector and quite loudly said “No way, Jose.” He then shared a hearty laugh with Vice President Taft, the phrase stuck, and they all lived happily ever after.

    Except for Hector who died of a horribly painful kidney infection three days later.

    • So was the kidney infection the reason that he crashed his plane into the Spanish aircraft carrier deck?

      I have to question the historical accuracy of this account,however, because, as a history major, I’m quite sure that the Key to the United States award wasn’t officially given until Calvin Coolidge’s third term in 1976.


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