Frequent commenter and friend Neeraja suggested to me that I write a post about floss. My first reaction was, “Why?” But Neeraja explained that she has recently really gotten into flossing (she’ll hopefully explain this in a guest post later this week), and she knows that I’m also an avid flosser.

Here are the reasons why you should floss:

  1. Obviously, lower chance of cavities.
  2. Lower chance you’ll have to wear dentures when you’re older.
  3. More satisfaction than just brushing your teeth (you get to see chunks of food!)
  4. You get complimented twice a year by your dentist. Because they know.
  5. You can belittle non-flossers simply by flossing. No words needed. You’re superior to them!

Here’s how you can actually start flossing:

Most Catholics give up something for Lent (usually something completely unrelated to Catholicism, like candy or masturbation), but I like to add a daily habit that will make my life better if I continue it after Lent. So one Lent, way back during freshman year of college, I decided to add flossing to my daily regimen.

I’ll admit, it sucked at first. It hurts and your mouth bleeds and it’s just not fun. But after about a week, I knew it was worth it. My teeth felt strong and clean, and women flocked to me in droves.

You don’t have to be Catholic to designate a time to commit to something and stick with it for a while. Shoot for the month of September. Floss once a day, every day, and if you still don’t like it by the end of the month, walk away.

Here’s the floss I use (highly recommended):

The best floss product out there, in my opinion, is Crest Glide. It’s expensive, but it doesn’t come apart like cheaper flosses. The reason is that Crest Glide is made by Tibetan silkworms that weave endlessly to give you the best possible flossing product.

As I posted earlier today, I’m looking for someone to write an eloquent, funny post about why they don’t floss or why they think flossing is wrong, for wimps, or whatever reasons you non-flossers have. Let me know. Hundreds of people will know about your lack of dental hygiene! How could you resist this offer?!

0 thoughts on “Floss”

  1. I’m pro flossing, but I’d be willing to write a piece for you vehemently opposing flossing if you’d like. It’d be a good exercise in creativity, like trying to realistically oppose women’s suffrage or support “separate but equal” or a gay marriage ban in debate class.

    Also, for those people who don’t like using pure dental floss, I find those flossing tools that look like a toothbrush with a little pronged piece at the end that holds about 1/2 inch of floss between them to be much better for reaching the back teeth.

  2. Another women flocking benefit. Just image what would happen if you flossed just before going to the mall to purchase a gift.

  3. A true story of love, war, and triumph over adversity:
    I recently made a trip to the dentist’s office (and by recently, I mean yesterday). The dental hygienist, Patty, commented on the cleanliness of my teeth, but, as Jamey asserted, she knew I did not floss. I thought my excuse was valid, though untrue. “I don’t have floss.” (everyone, always, has floss. I’ve noticed it’s one of those items that accumulates over time, like pens or keychains) Patty explained to me the benefits of flossing and she pretty much sold me. I promised her I would floss, thus improving my gum/tooth health and i would apparently be preventing heart disease as well.
    I left the dentist’s office with three packs of Oral-B Satin Floss in hand, ready to start my new way of life. The rest of the day passed uneventfully but that evening, I brushed my teeth and then I slowly and slightly nervously pulled out a new packet of floss. “This is it,” I thought, “I am going to change the way I live forever.” I pulled out a piece and cut it on the little, metal cutter thingy and began to floss.
    I now consider myself a flosser, even though its been a day. My gums feel mildly tingly but my mind is clear and my thoughts are revolutionary. Life is great.

    A message from the newly enlightened to the folks still not convinced:
    You can do it. We all know you have floss. Come over from the dark side and into the light. Start flossing.

    • Funny story about Oral-B Satin Floss…I handed a pack of it to a very religious friend years ago, and he (in an alarmed tone) promptly yelled out, “Satan Floss!” and threw it back to me.

      Apparently he needed to sharpen his spelling skills (or he was very against flossing).


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