Lately I seem to be accumulating embarrassments, so I thought I’d share three good ones with you. I’ll be driving about 13 hours east tomorrow, so I’m hoping someone else can drive the responses on the comments board. Can someone please adapt my humor, wit, and charm? Thanks!
The Vacuum. I’m leaving town, so I thought it prudent to vacuum my room before I left. (Also, sidenote: I never like to blog when I’m going out of town in case any of my readers are also robbers and want to break into my condo while I’m away. However, my roommate is staying here while I’m gone, so you’re in for a big, burly surprise if you try anything.) I started vacuuming my carpet with my $70 vacuum cleaner, and nothing’s getting sucked up into the tube. I keep going over the same spots. Nothing. I clear a cat’s worth of hair off the brush. Nothing. I empty the container. Nothing. So I eventually I just resign myself to barely cleaning the carpet, which I spent the next 15 minutes doing.
As I’m putting away the vacuum cleaner, I happen to glance down and notice that I had it set to “hose” the entire time. I’m sure I’m not the first person in the history of time to do this, but I felt like a fool. And I realized that I hadn’t actually vacuumed anything in my room–I just thought I had. So I had to redo the whole thing, with my cat watching petrified from the hallway.
The Wave. On Saturday night, I hung out at a friend’s house to watch the Saints game. They were going to a club after the game, and I, being lame, went home. As I opened the door to my car, my friends drove past, and I waved somewhat gleefully to send them off.
Then, two seconds later, my friends actually drove by.
Yep, I waved with enthusiasm at some stranger’s car. That same person promptly parked on the same street and then looked in my windows as I drove by. She was pretty cute, though, so I consider it a win. I’m never that bold when I’m actually meeting a cute woman–maybe I should just pretend they’re all my friends.
The Pregnancy. I learned today that two married friends of mine–I’ll call them Matt and Kim to protect their identities–are expecting a child. So I wrote them a congratulatory e-mail, subject line, “You’re Pregnant!”
I was a way from my computer, and when I came back, I had e-mails from Matt and Kim…but not Kim’s husband Matt. A different Matt. Yes, I let gmail autofill the wrong Matt into the “To” box. So the wrong Matt wrote that he was pretty sure he wasn’t the father, and Kim wrote that she’d have to get a DNA test before she could confirm anything, and I have yet to hear from the real Matt, who was CCed on the chain after the original e-mail.
Hopefully you can learn from my shortcomings and avoid these mistakes. Or you could share your embarrassing stories of late below. You won’t get comment responses from me, so just imagine me thanking you for your comment, sprinkling in a few LOLs and smiley faces, and then making insightful remarks about the future of embarrassments.