What Men Want…Rather, What I Want

Update (12/15): Lauren over at My Life, Incomplete, has posted her response to this entry for our Mars vs. Venus series. It’s good…

I stumbled across a survey online today about what men want in a women. Obviously I don’t represent all men–these are just my answers. I figured since I’ve been writing a lot more about men, women, and relationships lately that this post would fit right in.

what do you find most attractive in a woman? Non-physical: Great at all types of conversation—banter, flirtation, deep thoughts, non sequitur questions and answers, examination of personal history, etc, humor (funny and general willingness to laugh), nice (and by that I mean aware of her surroundings and attentive to the needs of those around her—like someone who takes a step back when she’s talking in a group of people and someone else wants to join the circle); physical: I’d say the most attractive—or important—physical features to me are hair, waist, face, and legs, in that order.
what is a turn off? The opposite of the above items. Smoking, getting too drunk, unwillingness to get a little drunk (or loosen up), clingy, gives ultimatums, judgmental.
what would your ideal woman look like? It’s really tough to say what “ideal” is. I’d say petite, in shape, somewhat long, silky hair, no or very little makeup, dresses appropriately for her figure.
when you go on date, who do you think should pay? I prefer to pay for the first few dates, and I like it when, around the fourth or fifth date, the woman offers to take me out. Once we’re in a relationship, it’s more even.
what do men like from women? Like, what do we want out of a relationship with a woman? I can only speak for myself. I want physical intimacy—both sexual and non-sexual, I want a supportive nature, I want companionship for activities like movies and parties, and I want someone who I can talk to about anything and who is free to talk about anything with me.
do men like to be in charge or do you like it when women are in charge of things? For the most part, yes, I like to be in charge, but not in a superior way. I want a woman who is on even ground with me.
what should women never do? Assume. Judge. Pout. Wear much makeup. Not have their own friends. Give ultimatums. And never, ever enter a discussion about the relationship late at night (show me a woman who truly understands that and I’ll show you a million guys who want to date that woman).
what should a woman always do? Understand. Laugh. Come up with something new to say. Seduce me. Be vulnerable.
who are women you respect/admire and why? I respect women who are independent, who have and pursue creative passions, who are fiscally responsible, who are well educated, who are confident but not arrogant, and who take care of themselves physically.
do men like natural women or made-up/artificial? Natural. By far. Not even close.
do you like a thin or curvy lady? This is the paradox of men: We like thin, curvaceous women J. Given the choice between the two, thin is more important. Although, thinness is important because it shows that the woman is in shape. If a woman has a tight body that happens to be on the curvy side, that’s great.
what makes men happy or feel appreciated? We all have our different love languages, but for me, I feel most loved and appreciated when a woman goes out of her way to add extra time to my day. Like, maybe she’ll go pick up dinner so I can have some extra time to write. That shows that she’s supportive of my hobbies and that she understands my desire to have time to work on them.
when you are looking for a girlfriend/wife/mate, what are the most important factors or deal breakers? I would say that I need a woman who is generally pretty positive and happy. As I’ve mentioned, a great conversationalist is really important. And a great kisser. Dealbreakers are smoking, doing drugs, and being addicted to anything. Oh, and typos are okay, but you must know the difference between “your” and “you’re,” “its” and “it’s,” and “their,” they’re,” and “there.”
what makes men devalued? I think us men feel devalued if you flirt with someone else right in front of us or if you don’t even notice us when other people are around. I think that goes both ways.
what is something all women could do that would make the world a better place? I think in general, women put too many ultimatums in the name of the relationship on things that are ultimately much more about them. How many times have I heard, “We need to talk about this now.” Do we need to talk about this now, or do you? And of course, individual needs are important, but I think sometimes women have to understand that men may need a chance to collect their thoughts before talking about the relationship now because we don’t spend as much time as you thinking about the relationship. Sometimes I like to respond to relationship questions by e-mail first and then talk later because writing gives me a chance to really think through things, which I think is fair to the woman and to myself.
should a woman depend on a man or be independent? Independent.
do men like ladies with long or short hair? Long.

What about other guys? What do you think? Agree or disagree? Women, you may have to wait to see if Venus over at My Life, Incomplete posts a blog in response sometime (we didn’t coordinate this one).